Tahini Salad Dressing, Creative Party Ideas, and Why Did I Ever Start This 3 Grouping for the Titles?

Today has been spent getting ready for a small post-elopement/wedding reception... They had a really unique idea: a build your own salad for the main course. For the bed, we put together romaine and baby lettuce/radicchio/arugula/spring greens. Then we had 15 or so different toppings so that the guests could make almost anything they wanted: grilled chicken in a mesquite marinade, chili lime grilled shrimp, genoa salami, cheddar, feta, bleu cheese, parmesan, goat cheese, cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, black olives, bacon crumbles, dried cranberries, toasted almonds, candied walnuts, asiago cheese croutons, and wonton strips.  For dressings, I made balsamic vinaigrette and a tahini dressing.  Needless to say, I have grated, chopped, and crumbled my face off today.  ((We also did brie with kalamatas, ciabatta bread, a mixed berry salad of strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries with a fruit dip, and the caprese salad skewers which I always say I am never making again and then always do.))  Anyway, I think their salad bar idea is a good one. If I can keep my wits about me, I will remember to suggest that in the future.

Tahini salad dressing is a good non-dairy alternative that you can make in about 5 minutes.  ((Seriously, if you are still buying salad dressing, I don't know what to do with you. It is so easy to make, tastes so much better, and isn't full of chemicals and crap.))  What the hell is tahini you say? Tahini is to sesame seeds as peanut butter is to peanuts. That's about the best way I can describe it. You can find it in urban grocery stores or in health food stores, probably by the organics.  Don't be scared, it's delicious. Trader Joe's sells a tahini style dressing under the label "Goddess." No, I don't know why and I'm too lazy to google it at the moment.

Picture from diaryofamadwoman.com because I am a total fail when it comes to stopping to take pictures when I have multiple projects going and her's is prettier anyway and this is a really long sentence, huh?

What you need:


1/2 cup tahini
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt
3 cloves garlic
1 clove grated ginger
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp dried parsley
1 tbsp sugar
1/2 cup olive oil

What to do:

Put everything BUT the oil in a blender or a food processor and pulse until it is smooth and creamy in consistency.  Slowly start adding the olive oil and continue pulsing until it is combined.

This dressing is a little thick.  You can add more water to thin it out if so desired.  As written, this makes about 2 cups and will keep in the fridge in a sealed container for at least a couple of weeks.

*****

I'm going to go put my feet up and do nothing for a while!  Happy Father's Day if that is your kind of thing.  

Italian Kale Pasta Salad and a Declaration

It's hot. 108 degrees hot. The kind of hot where your eyeballs want to catch fire and you can't touch the steering wheel without potholders. It is definitely too hot to contemplate anything that involves an oven. Boiling water is actually the limit at the moment. So how about a make-ahead/stash in the fridge pasta salad?

What you need for 4 servings:

1 cup of pasta ((I used gemelli, but basically any kind will do))
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 bunch of kale, destemmed and shredded
1 cup of cherry tomatoes, halved
1/4 cup of pine nuts
2 tablespoons ((or so)) of Italian dressing ((I used Trader Joe's))
Salt and pepper
Parmesan

Cook:

Bring the water for the pasta to a boil and cook pasta according to package directions.

Spray a large-ish saute pan with cooking spray and add the garlic. Allow to cook until fragrant over a medium heat, about 4 minutes. Add the torn-up kale ((mine totally could have been torn more but I was multi-tasking)) to the pan with either a splash of water or a little chicken broth. Add a little salt and pepper. Cover and allow to steam until bright green... about 5 minutes on a medium setting.  Remove from heat and set aside.

When the pasta is done, put it in a colander and run under cold water ((or as close to cold as you can get. Tap water in AZ this time of year is still hot.))  Shake it thoroughly to remove as much of the water as you can and throw it in a large glass bowl.  Add the kale, tomatoes, pine nuts and the dressing, and toss. ((If you think it needs more dressing, that's fine by me. You won't hurt my feelings.)) Top with some Parmesan, cover, and refrigerate for at least an hour.

Nutritional Info: Under 250 calories per serving. WIN.

Again, this is one of those things you can add a lot of different things to. Artichoke hearts would be a very worthy addition, but either I am out or I didn't dig far enough in the pantry.

*****

Official Declaration: Today I am going to get my shit together. I've been pulled in about a hundred different directions and have the sense that I am not doing anything very well. ((I did confess this to someone over the weekend and was told that I was being ridiculous and that wasn't the case but that's how I feel, so there.)) Enough. So, by way of accountability, today I am going to submit the freelance stuff, schedule the final certification testing and hope my memory still works as well as it used to, and deal with a couple of annoying follow-up things that I have been neglecting. So be it. <<Magic wand waves.>>

Roasted Cherry Tomatoes with Balsamic and Basil, The Best Surprise EVER, and 6,000

I have been blatantly manipulated and lied to.  For months.  By my mother. ((Referred to around this place as Deb.))  And today I got the shock of a lifetime.  This:

That would be her grand piano that was forced to be abandoned in South Dakota a few years ago when she moved to Arizona.  The crazy broad ((HI DEB)) secretly had it shipped here over the past few months.  It apparently took quite the journey: South Dakota, Oregon, Washington, KENTUCKY (WTF?), and then finally Arizona.  I have to say I first screamed obscenities, then almost fainted, then had to get confirmation that was actually it, and then resisted the urge to burst into tears.  Apparently, half my family knew about it too and has shockingly been able to keep it quiet.  CRAZY.  They were also placing wagers on what my reaction would be...  I suspect my brother is probably the closest.

*****  

Want to see something else pretty?  Roasted cherry tomatoes with balsamic and fresh basil.

What you need:  ((Warning: very precise measurements ahead.  Write this down.))

1 big bunch of cherry tomatoes
1 sizeable drizzle of olive oil
1 sizeable drizzle of balsamic vinegar
A few cracks of pepper
A few cracks of sea salt
A handful or two of fresh basil

This couldn't be easier:

Preheat the oven to 400.

Spread the tomatoes out on a cookie sheet, and how about you use one that has sides on it?  Drizzle them with olive oil and balsamic and give them a roll around.  Crack on some salt and pepper.

Roast for about 15 minutes.

When done, add the basil.

THAT'S IT.

This is good warm, at room temp, or refrigerated.  

*****

Additional Business:  Someone remarked to me over the weekend that she has a hard time remembering to click on over to this wealth of knowledge...  You can subscribe via email ((there is a button to do that in the upper corner)) and new posts will be delivered to your inbox.  Do it.  Right now.  You wouldn't want to miss a bit of what is coming up...

Oh and did you know?  I'm sure you didn't...  In under 4 months, I have had 6,000 UNIQUE page views.  That's some effing crazy talk right there.  Hell, imagine if I actually got organized!  Until next time!

Mohawks, Tip #37 on How to Be a Grown-Up, and Right-Brainedness

I had planned to share a very unique salad recipe today that I came across and literally yelled, "BRILLIANT!" followed by a string of "Oh my God, what didn't I think of that?!"  and "They should call that the Jules Salad!"  ((I do realize that if my house is wired by someone conducting surveillance on me, they have decided I am certifiable after all the nonsense I spew and the long discussions I have with my pets in which I may or may not conduct one-sided conversations as if I hear them replying.  That also explains why Foster Kitty, who is, well, my foster kitty, currently has a mohawk.  He lost a bet.  Yes, I know I'm weird.  But you now what?  I am never, ever bored.  So there.))

The salad sharing is unfortunately not going to happen due to a major technical difficulty... That being the complete and utter meltdown of my car's electronic system.  That sounds bad enough right?  Add in that it is a hybrid and you have a total disaster on your hands.  I was innocently driving down the freeway at about 70 mph when all of a sudden the dashboard lit up like the Vegas Strip.  It was still running fine, so I tried to brush it off as a fluke.  When I left to head back out, the lights were off and I congratulated the car on its self-healing ability.  Ten minutes later, the display lights back up, alarms were going off, the power steering went out, the ABS braking thing went haywire, and the a/c melted down.  Oh and it kept shifting itself into neutral and couldn't be brought out.  The display had a Mr. Yuck face where the computer usually is.  I will go ahead and add that this happened during the noon rush in the middle of ((arguably)) one of the busiest intersections in Phoenix.   I'll take 5 mgs of Xanax for $200, Alec.

I called the dealership and the service guy says, "That sounds bad.  Real bad."  He then insisted I not drive the car the mere four blocks to the dealership, but you can guess how that turned out.  At this point, I am, of course, envisioning a repair bill with four digits and praying the first of those digits is 1.  Well, it turns out that when Toyota sends you mail that says "Recall" that you should probably open it.  We shall call that tip #37 on how to be a grown-up.  Luckily, I lived, the repairs were all covered by the recall, and I got a rental car for free that had four miles on it.  Accordingly, I drove it all over town and through a dust storm to celebrate.

ANYWAY, long rant about stupid car problems aside, I'm hoping for a low-key weekend with some new recipes for you.  I've been on a creative tear lately: doing some web design, cooking, writing, writing, writing, working on packaging designs...  I'll be back tomorrow with what we are now going to call The Jules Salad.

*****

PS.  I got a comment on yesterday's post that someone had tried to check out the blog from their work computer and it was flagged as "inappropriate content."  I find that to be so completely hilarious that I shall have a Zima to celebrate.  

Spinach Salad with Apricots and Kiwi Vinaigrette, PIC's, and Taste Testers

I am totally, completely, and utterly ((and probably a few other superlatives)) one of those people that once I get an idea in my head, I can't shake it.  That probably explains a lot of things, right?  I'm in that frame of mind on a couple of projects right now.  I really don't know what the hell I did with myself "before."  I honestly cannot fathom what I was doing with my time other than completely wasting it.  I'll give you an update once it crystallizes a little more.  Which will probably be by tomorrow.  Or maybe before I finish writing this post.  We shall see.

*****

Today I threw together a quick salad and came up with a new vinaigrette which turned out much better than I expected.  A spinach salad topped with apricots and kiwi with a kiwi vinaigrette.

What you need for two servings:

One bunch of spinach, thoroughly washed and chopped
6 apricots, sliced into quarters
4 kiwis, peeled and sliced
2 tablespoons EVOO
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
Black pepper

What to do:

Assemble the salad with the spinach, all of the apricots, and two of the kiwis.

Using your blender, throw in the other two kiwis, the olive oil, and the vinegar.  Pulse it several times to combine.  Add a few cracks of black pepper and sample.  Pour the vinaigrette over the salad and that's it!

Obviously, there are tons of things you could add to this salad:  grilled chicken, shrimp, almonds, dried cranberries, candied walnuts maybe.  Whatever strikes your fancy.  Some people might prefer to strain the seeds out of the dressing... I thought they were good and added some nice texture.  Again, up to you.

I couldn't begin to tell you when the last time was I had apricots.  My rough guess is somewhere in the 80's.  So, so good.

Nutritional info:  Superstar.  Approximately 200 calories and 4 grams of fat as shown here.

*****

I'm making dinner for a friend tonight.  I was digging through my email folder entitled "Recipes" and came across something I saved entitled "Lick Your Plate Italian Piccata."  I don't think I made it before, but I could be wrong.  Doing that with some rice, a caesar salad, fresh bread, and more souffles.  Yes, I know it is rough being one of my guinea pigs.  Tough job.

Mexican Quinoa Salad, Websites, and Yes and Yes

In keeping with the "It's almost Cinco de Mayo" theme, let's do something vegetarian, shall we?  How about a Mexican Quinoa Salad?

Black bean and corn quinoa salad

We have discussed this before, but I love quinoa.  It is an ancient cereal grain that has found a great deal of popularity in the last couple of years.  It is really easy to prepare and is kind of like rice or cous cous, but not.  ((Wow.  That was helpful.))

What you need for four servings:
1 cup quinoa
2 cups water
1 can of black beans
1 large or 2 small ears of corn
3 green onions
2 tomatoes
1 jalapeno
A handful of cilantro
Balsamic vinegar
Lime
Salt

What to do:

Start by rinsing the quinoa in a very, very, very fine colander in cold water.  It has a bitter outer coating that needs to be washed off.  Drain it as much as possible and then add it to a small pot with two cups of water.  Bring it to a boil, uncovered and then simmer it covered for 10-15 minutes or until the water is absorbed.

The start

If you are using fresh corn on the cob, boil the water for that as well and then cook it for approximately 8 minutes.  ((If you are using stuff from a can or that is frozen, well, I can't help you.  I'm boycotting.))

While that is cooking, drain and rinse your black beans.  Chop up your tomato, removing the seeds.  Chop the green onions, jalapeno, and the cilantro.


Throw everything ((the black beans, the corn that you have taken off the cob, the tomatoes, the onion, the jalapeno, and the cilantro)) into a large bowl and mix it around.  Add about 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar ((maybe more, maybe less; I like more...)), a hearty squeeze of lime, and a few cracks of salt.  Stir it around again.    

So pretty

By about now, your quinoa should be finished.

The end

Add the quinoa to your bowl and stir to combine.  Taste test and add more lime, salt, or whatever you may think it needs.

Yum

Refrigerate it for a couple of hours or overnight and serve.  

Nutritional Information:  Approximately 280 calories and 1 gram of fat per serving.  And full of protein and antioxidants and other good stuff too!  Yes!

*****

That reminds me...  Yesterday, this little corner of the internet was linked to by Yes and Yes!  So exciting!  ((Waves vigorously at new people!))  

The rest of yesterday was spent working on my website for my other ventures...  It is still in the works but I am really happy because like a three-year-old I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF.  There are some things to work out, photos to add, general crap I don't understand at all, but I'm pretty impressed that I got as far as I did with it.  I didn't have a temper tantrum ONCE.  I don't know who the hell I am anymore!  Anyway, I'm sure you will figure out the link so you can go check it out.  For the time being, I am leaving this blog here.  I feel like that way I can still be kind of profane and post stupid pictures and be kind of random without people who are looking for my culinary business getting scared off.  We shall see as time goes on though.  

Strawberry-Spinach Salad with Almonds, Allergens, and Shallots v. Onions

News flash that is interesting to probably exactly no one:  I am no longer allergic to nuts.  I have always gone through streaks where I have MASSIVE food allergies where if I even think about the current poison I break out in hives and develop something I can only relate to a goiter on the outside of my foot.  ((It's usually when I know I'm in trouble first, the "foot lump" comes out and I can barely walk.))  Usually the streaks last at least a couple of years, then I get detoxed from it, and I'm cured for several more years.  Weird, right?  Apparently in seven year cycles, every single one of the gzillion cells in the body is replaced.  There is a theory about how once a sufficient number of those cells have been detoxed the allergy retreats because those newer cells haven't been poisoned  and overloaded by it and can tolerate it again.  Or something like that.  I'm not really sure because at the time I was being told about this I was fixated on how much the person looked like Loralei from Gilmore Girls and how I really admired the writing on that show and the comedic pacing so I might have some of that wrong.  Anywho, close enough.  I'M CURED!  Let's eat some damn nuts then.

*****

Let's do a spinach salad.

What you need to serve probably 6-8:

4 cups of fresh spinach
2 cups of fresh strawberries, sliced
1/2 cup of sliced almonds
-----
An additional 3/4 cup of strawberries
1/4 cup chicken broth
2 tbsp canola oil
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp minced shallot  ((I'll explain, remain calm))
2 tsp dijon honey mustard
1/4 tsp each salt and pepper

Go:

Wash the spinach thoroughly and then tear it into bite-sized pieces.  ((Whistle the Popeye song if you must.))  Slice the strawberries and make them look pretty.  Throw both of them in a large bowl with the almonds.

For the dressing, puree together the additional 3/4 cup of strawberries and the chicken broth in your blender.  Yes.  I know that sounds awful.  Like really, really disgusting.  Just trust me.  It's good.  If you are doing this vegetarian style, use a little bit of water, just so they puree more easily.  Puree means to blend the living hell out of it.  AKA: get the chunks out.  ((I know, such a way with words, again.  Sorry.))

Then whisk the strawberry puree with the canola oil, apple cider vinegar, shallot, mustard, and salt and pepper.   ((Do I have to use canola?  Nope.  Can you use some other kind of vinegar?  Sure.  Use whatever you have, but apple cider is better.  WTF is a shallot?!))

That is a shallot.  Well, several.  Shallots.  Plural.  Shalli?  Never mind.

Shallots are kind of like onions except for they aren't.  Since I have already given you my totally intriguing scientific discussion of human allergy conditions, just suffice it to say for our purposes, shallots are fucked up onions that aren't onions.

Anyway, pour the dressing over the spinach-strawberries-almonds and shake it around.  Easy, right? Right.

Dressing recipe adapted from Weight Watchers magazine.  Yes, I read that magazine.  I don't judge what you read-- Like the fact that you read this blog!

Nutritional Info:  SAINTHOOD.  Approximately 150 calories and 6 grams of fat per 3/4 cup.

*****

Must run...  I have more conspiring on my plans for world-domination to do as well as seeing how much it would cost me to get the entire Gilmore Girls series on DVD.  I don't even watch TV.  This seems like a wise purchase.

Cilantro Lime Vinaigrette, Fundraising, and CheeseFest

I really thought that this week I would find out what my "new normal" was.  I'm beginning to think that there is no such thing and that this is the new normal.  A lack of normality is the new norm.  I can handle that.

I'm running about a thousand and twelve errands for the fundraiser tomorrow and the brunch I'm catering on Sunday, but managed to sneak away last night long enough to meet one of my dearest friends at Petite Maison.  It was too dark too photograph, but oh dear Lord, I may never be the same.  Escargot, roasted duck, and Grand Marnier Souffle.  Kill. Me. Now.  I highly, highly, highly ((very)) recommend.  I uttered words I am quite sure that have never been said after taking a bite of the souffle.  It was not appropriate.  It was not polite.  I meant it.

In between battling the Easter crowd at Walmart ((ugh, seriously)) and looking like a candidate for the Betty Ford Clinic while stocking up on beer and wine for these various events at Costco, I made a quick lunch:  Shrimp and Avocado Salad with a Citrus Lime Vinaigrette.

I really don't understand why people buy salad dressings.  Certainly, I have done it, and will do it again, but it is soooo much better when you do it yourself.  It costs about a thousandth of what you spend, it keeps for up to two weeks in the refrigerator, and it actually tastes like something other than oil and/or sugar.

What you need:

3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice (key limes are good)
1 small jalapeno pepper, ribs and seeds removed, coarsely chopped (leave in some seeds if heat is desired)
1 clove garlic, halved
1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon sugar OR 1/8 teaspoon honey  ((I like it better with honey))
freshly ground black pepper, to taste
1 pinch cumin
1 pinch salt, to taste
1 1/2 tablespoons minced fresh cilantro

Put everything but the cilantro in the blender and puree.  Add the cilantro and pulse.  Stick your finger in ((after it stops, please)), give it a sample, and adjust anything that you think needs adjusting.

This will keep in the refrigerator for up to two weeks in a bottle with an air-tight stopper.  Just shake it well before using it.

This recipe was originally printed ((to my knowledge)) in Fitness Magazine.

I threw some on top of a salad of romaine, heirloom tomato, cold shrimp, shredded Mexican cheese, and black bean salsa.  A dollop of sour cream would have been nice...

All right, time to get back at it.  Tomorrow begins the preparation of what I am deeming CheeseFest 2012 as well as some baking for the girls' brunch on Sunday.

Tuna Salad-Salad, Photo Failure, and OHMYGODIWANTTHATNOW

Last night I went out to make dinner for my mother and a couple of her friends.  I specifically decided upon making Chicken Parmesan so that I could a) test it out and b) take photos for this little corner of the internet.  Guess what I forgot to do?  Ugh, I suck at this.  It might have been that the three of them had been sitting at the table, perhaps pounding their forks in anticipation, for quite some time.  ((Just kidding.  Well, about the fork-pounding part.))  Or it could just be that I'm an airhead.  ANYWAY, it really did turn out well and I was so presumptuous about it being forkably-tender that I didn't put out any knives.  Total service fail.  I really need to pull it together.

Today, I am playing catch-up on about a million different projects and opted for a quick lunch.  It's Tuesday, which means we are still pretty much behaving on our diets, so this is a good option:  Tuna Salad-Salad.

 
Needed:

One package of tuna ((I buy the Albacore Starkist kind which is packed in water.  It costs a little more than the other stuff, but it is much better and doesn't look like cat food.  The stuff that is packed in oil is just gross and you should stop doing that.))
1 tablespoon fat-free mayo
1 tablespoon pickle relish
1/2 tablespoon dried minced onion
1/4 teaspoon celery seed
Black pepper
Lemon
Romaine
1/3 of a tomato
1 tablespoon of balsamic dressing ((I like Paul Newman's because I like Paul Newman.))
1 tablespoon or so of Parmesan cheese

What to do:

In a small bowl, mix together the tuna, mayo, relish, onion, and celery seed.  Crack a little black pepper on top and squeeze the lemon over it.  ((If I had regular celery, I would have chopped some up and put it in there but alas, no.  Life is hard sometimes.  If you were my mother, you would also add those shoestring potato fries.  I'm not against it, I just don't dare buy them or I will end up with my face stuck in the bottom of the can.))  Set the bowl aside for the moment.

Chop up the romaine and tomato, throw it on a plate, and then add the dressing.  Scoop your tuna salad on top, sprinkle on some Parmesan, and there you have it... Tuna Salad-Salad.

Yes, that was incredibly simple and probably totally useless knowledge.  However, I have committed to posting here every day and goddammit when I commit to something, I do it overzealously and with an unreasonable level of attachment.

*****

I am back to a million other things, but yesterday as I was running around working on the details of the dinner with less than an hour to spare, I posted on FB, "If I'm making chicken parm on spaghetti with garlic bread, what's for dessert?!"  Here is the best answer which we MUST try:

Profiteroles

Those. Look. Amazing.  And I don't even really like desserts.

Mayan Fudge Cupcakes, Living Lettuce, and Gratuitous Pictures of Myself

In the final, seemingly never-ending, installment from the New Mexican Food Fest last Saturday, we have Mayan Fudge Cupcakes with Cocoa-Cinnamon Butter Cream Frosting.  I have previously said that baking is not really my thing.  I'm going to amend that to say that baking is in fact at least *one* of my things, but more accurately dessert isn't really my thing because I don't really eat it so I'm not independently motivated to make it.  But.  Let me tell you.  People went ape-shit for these cupcakes and I am at least partially responsible for several children having a complete sugar freak-out which included one of the little darlings ((ahem)) running around with a chair on his head into several freshly painted walls.   Just precious.  Cough.  Cough.

ANYWAY, here's the back story...  My original plan was to do mini-cupcakes because these are really, really sweet and I thought for a big crowd that might be better: more treats, less waste.  After doing four dozen of the mini ones I decided I was going to lose my freaking mind if I kept that up AND would be at it for hours so I went to the regular size.  I also had grand plans of beautifully piping on the frosting and being all damn fancy about it, but well, reference the losing my mind part.

What you need for the cupcakes:

1 box Devil's Food cake mix ((you could also make this from scratch but let's not get crazy))
1 cup buttermilk
1/2 vegetable oil
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
4 eggs

What you do:

*Right now* pull out one stick of butter to get it to room temperature for the frosting.  You will thank me later.

Preheat your oven to 350 and line your muffin tins or spray them with a cooking spray.

Add the first six ingredients (everything but the eggs) and using an electric mixer, beat at a low or medium speed for about 30 seconds or until everything is moistened.

PAY ATTENTION!  Add the eggs, one at a time, until the batter is well mixed.  No, I don't know why but it seems important.

Crank up the speed and beat for two minutes until the batter is thick.  And yes, it will be really, really thick.

Using a regular old spoon ((well, not an old one per se, just meaning a regular one)), scoop the batter into the lined muffin cups until they are 2/3's full.  This will be annoying because the batter will not release from the spoon and you will end up having to scrape each one in individually.  You will, in fact, be totally covered in chocolate by about .... now.

Bake for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle of the fattest one comes out clean.  Remove them to cool on a wire rack.

For the frosting:

1 stick of butter at room temp  ((together now:  Thanks, Jules.))
1/2 cup unsweetened dark chocolate cocoa powder
1/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon cinnamon
Approximately 2 1/2 cups of powdered sugar

Start by creaming the butter in the mixer by beating it on medium speed for 3 minutes.

Add the cocoa and cinnamon and mix on low until they are combined.

Alternating, add a little bit of milk and a little bit of powdered sugar until you say screw this, and just dump it all in like I did.  At least I'm honest.

Once combined, beat on medium for 5 minutes until it is light and fluffy.  If it seems too thin, runny, watery, what have you, you can add more powdered sugar.

At this point, your cupcakes should be cool and you can be fancy and pipe them or smear a knife-full of frosting over them and call it good.

If you want to be DOUBLE FANCY, you can also crack sea salt over the top of them.  I know.  Fracking fancy.   Frackancy?  Yes.

This makes 24 regular cupcakes.  Recipe adapted from "Hello Cupcake."

I wondered if kids would like these with the heat in them.  They were so busy inhaling them that I'm not sure any of them even noticed.  It is a very mild little, tiny kick.  Don't be scared.

Nutritional Info:  I have a rule that if something has buttermilk or heavy cream in it, it is a lost cause so don't even worry about it.

*****

Whew.  Done.  Okay.  Let's talk about something different.  How cool is this?

Living Lettuce

Yes, this is a stock photo because I suck too much to take a picture of mine before chopping into it.  Recently, we have gotten what they call "Living Lettuce" from the co-op.  It comes with the root ball still attached and oh my God, it is so good and stays fresh forever.  No, you don't have to water it or plant it or any bullshit like that.  Mine stayed perfectly fresh for over three weeks.  THREE WEEKS!!  ((My level of dorkdom just went through the roof.  Gah.))

Anyway, I made this salad.  Isn't it pretty?

Damn.  That's a pretty good picture.  For me.

All it is is the butter lettuce with grilled chicken, cilantro, lime, salsa, and shredded cheese.

No, I'm not going to turn into those, "Here's What I Ate Today!!!" people.  Well, I might.  Sorry.  I'll try not to and you can be sure that at some point there will just be a picture of 17 cans of diet coke in that event.

*****

Okay, gratuitous pictures of myself time.  These are from the Mardi Gras party.  If anyone is good with photoshop and wants to fix the one with the open door, I will reward you with the meal of your choice upon receipt.

I bought this apron because it was the ugliest one in the store.  True story.

Me with the party host.  I love his cabinets.  And the lighting.  And my hair looks good there.  

*****

Anyway, I must get back to work on the fitness studying.  Everyone try to use "erector spinae" in a sentence at least once today.  Preferably completely out of context, or perhaps as a spell you are casting on someone.  It just sounds ominous.

Later!

Spinach Salad with Pineapple and a Honey-Lime Vinaigrette, a Divorce Cake, and 80 Degrees

Last night I attended a "My Divorce is Finally Final Party" for a friend.  The cake was made by my new friend, Janet LaDue, and resulted in random people from all over the restaurant coming over to take a picture and share a toast.  It only got weird when for some reason, the restaurant didn't provide us with a knife and someone pulled this out of his pocket:

Right?

Maybe he was afraid there was going to be a lot of man-bashing and the women would get violent?  Totally didn't happen.  Anyway, a great time was had, her cake was AWESOME, and no one was injured by any completely unnecessary tactical knives.  See also:  Sangria is good.

*****

For lunch I threw together a spinach salad topped with fresh pineapple and made a honey-lime vinaigrette from a recipe found online at Good Housekeeping.  Isn't The Google amazing?  However, I failed to take pictures which actually saved because I suck.  So, use your imagination and I will try to suck less in the future.

What you need:

1/3 cup of fresh squeezed lime juice
4 teaspoons of honey
1 tablespoon of rice vinegar
A tiny bit of salt

Just whisk it together and that's it!  Makes about 1/2 a cup.

Nutritional info for the dressing:  Sainthood. 15 calories, 0 fat in two tablespoons. 

Nutritional info for the salad sans dressing with two cups of raw spinach and 1.5 cups of diced pineapple:  130 calories, 0 fat.

*****

It is a low-key but EIGHTY DEGREE day over here devoted to catching up on some cleaning, some reading by the pool, and maybe a little Dexter.  I have started my "No Crap from a Can or a Box Challenge" as well.  So far, so good.  Clean living for the win.  No, Diet Coke does not count.  Let's not get crazy.

Black Bean Quinoa Salad, Non Sequiturs, and Blonde Moment Admissions

I spent an hour this morning strolling through Trader Joe's, shopping for an event tomorrow...  That's when I realized I hadn't yet publicly confessed to my love of quinoa.  Yes, I realize that is a non sequitur.  I had an explanation at the time, but well, now I forget what it was.  ANYWHO, quinoa ((pronounced keen-wa)) is technically an ancient cereal grain which is high in protein and other stuff that's good for you.   It's become much more popular recently and can now be found in places like Target.  It's kind of like rice, but not really.  I'm at a loss how to better describe it though for the uninitiated.  Just trust me on this one.

One of my favorite ways to make quinoa is in a Black Bean Quinoa Salad.

So pretty.

Yum.

Here's what you need: ((4 servings))

1 cup quinoa ((rinsed thoroughly under cold water))
2 cups of water
1 cup of black beans ((rinsed and drained))
1 tomato ((diced))
4 tablespoons green chiles ((roasted and diced or you can buy it prepared, no judging))
2 cloves of garlic, minced
Cilantro  ((the more the better))
Lime
EVOO which means extra virgin olive oil ((just a drizzle))
Sea salt
2 tablespoons feta cheese crumbles

To prepare the quinoa:  Measure out the desired amount and rinse it thoroughly using a very small mesh sieve/strainer.  These little bastards are *really* small, and you will lose all of them if you try to use a regular strainer.  ((No, I didn't do that the first time without thinking it through because I'm blonde.  Nope.))  Throw them in a small pot and add water according to the package directions.  Bring it to a boil, then reduce to a simmer until all of the water is absorbed and they are "sprouted."  About 10 or so minutes.  It should look like this when it is done.

See the little shoots?  That means it is done.

While that is cooking, chop up all of the fresh ingredients and rinse the black beans.

Tomatoes

Fresh cilantro

Key limes

Throw all of that into a plastic bowl.  Add the quinoa and then give it just a really, really, really light drizzle of olive oil.  Squeeze the limes into it and give it a few cracks of sea salt.  Put the lid on your bowl and shake the beejeezus out of it.  ((Yes, this is technical, I know.))  Top it with the feta and done!
 

Mmmmm.  Quinoa.  

There are tons of different ways to modify this...  Leave out the green chiles and use a diced jalapeno.  Add sliced avocado.  Add corn.  You can do it however your little heart desires or whatever you have in your fridge.  This is equally good hot or cold and is insanely good the following day.

Nutritional Info:  Solid.  Right around 300 calories, 5 grams of fat.

*****

I'm off to do some work and start my studying but tomorrow we are going off the calorie rails...  I'll be making a sunchoke risotto that is over 1,000 calories per serving and a much, much lighter sausage and roasted pepper dish.  Good lord, don't let me sample too much of the risotto.  Yikes.  

Work-Work, Not Work-Work, and a Turkey-Spinach Wrap with Cucumber Salad

I have had a busy morning of a little bit of work-work ((meaning my current "real" job)) and a little bit more of my not work-work ((all things foooood.))  Honestly, I hope my not work-work becomes my work-work but not-work real job soon because I am loving every minute of it.  So far today I've made deliveries of the brown butter banana bread brunch cookies from the give-away on Facebook yesterday, planned a menu for an event I'm a part of this Friday evening, and am planning a menu for an event in a couple of weeks.  My name is Jules and I'm obsessed with menu-planning.  It's almost as good as actually cooking and eating.  Almost.

*****

Consequently, lunch had to be fast, but not a diet-killer, because I'm going to a meeting tonight where I know there will be lots of temptations.  I opted for a turkey and spinach wrap with a super-easy cucumber salad.

Healthy, no?

Making this is really simple and takes less time than it does to nuke something that came out of a box in your freezer.  Plus, it tastes a gzillion times better.  Just take one tortilla ((I've been using whole-grain, low-carb lately, but I don't really mean it)) and pile on 2 ounces of shaved turkey breast.  Throw a paper towel over it and microwave it for 30 seconds.  Pile on some fresh spinach, some diced cucumber, a tablespoon of balsamic vinaigrette ((I like Paul Newman's lite version when I don't make my own,)) and a few crumbles of fat-free feta.  A crack or two of black pepper couldn't hurt either.  I would have added diced tomato but the 24 that I have are still ripening which means they will all hit at once and I'll be up to my neck in marinara in a few days.

Ratio of green stuff to non-green stuff?  8:1.

For the side cucumber salad, I just sliced up some more of the cukes, added a couple of cracks of sea salt, drizzled it with 1/2 a tablespoon of the dressing, and added a little more feta, just because I can.

Cuke Salad

And just to make you jealous, here is one in the Arizona sun where the projected highs for the rest of the week are in the mid to upper 70's.  

Nutritional Info:  Halo status.  Both combined are a whopping 175 calories and 5 grams of fat.

*****

I'm off to continue my plans of world domination which for today include booking more events ((I've added four more today--)) and finalizing my registration ((not as a sex offender, thanks though)) for the certifications I am pursuing!

*****

One more thing...  If you "like" the page "Cooking Is Alchemy" on FB, I give stuff away occasionally!  Sarah and Colleen each got a dozen cookies and a special surprise for their Fido's today for being my testers.  I suggest joining up.  I don't want to hear any whining if you don't.    

Produce Overload, Mango-Spinach Salad with a Mango Vinaigrette, and Progress

So what did you get for fifteen dollars today?  (Uh, don't answer that.)  I got this:

Holy produce, Batman.

Yes, I got all of that for fifteen bucks.  I'm thinking this is a good week to either go vegetarian or take on a "no processed foods for a week" challenge.  ((Neither are going to happen... I don't think.  Never count me out though.))  Pictured is a bunch of spinach, a huge head of romaine, 3 yellow squash, 3 cucumbers, 7 apples, 2 dozen key limes, a pineapple, a bunch of bananas, a dozen oranges, 4 mangoes, 2 dozen tomatoes, and about a gzillion sunchokes or Jerusalem artichokes.  I nearly separated a rib carrying it all in.  ((Making two trips is for wimps.))

I joined Bountiful Baskets, the food co-op where all this came from, almost two years ago.  Honestly, I have no freaking idea why I did that.  At that time (August of 2010), I could not have told you when the last time was I ate either a fruit or a vegetable, let alone a fresh one.  A few of my friends were doing it,  I guess I turned into some kind of a joiner there for a minute, and here we are.  I'm a convert.  I cannot bring myself to choke down a frozen vegetable now.  Can't do it.

*****

In an attempt to jump start some clean eating, I threw together a spinach and mango salad.  Simply tear up your spinach, top with cubed mango, crack a little black pepper on top, throw on some toasted pine nuts ((because you feel like it, that's why,)) and add a mango vinaigrette.  This salad is also good with fresh strawberries.  Grilled chicken or shrimp on top would be good with it as well.  

For the vinaigrette simply combine one cup of fresh mango, 1/4 cup of orange juice, 1/4 cup of rice vinegar, the juice of one lime, and a tablespoon of brown sugar.  Run that through the blender and then add salt and pepper.  ((It will keep in the fridge for up to 3 weeks in a sealed container.))

Want/need to know how to make the mango come out in cubes instead of looking like a total disaster?  Cut the mango roughly in half, avoiding the core.  From there, slice straight up and down as close to the core as you can on the three remaining sides.  Take each part and on the fruit side, draw a grid with your knife (like a tic tac toe board?) being careful not to pierce the flesh and/or your flesh.  Then turn the skin inside out so the cubes pop out and cut them off with a knife.   

*****

In other news, the morning was spent designing the business cards for my new ventures.  ((!!!!!))  I will share them and the details on what the hell I'm up to once they arrive.  I nearly had a psychological break-down after working on the first one for about an hour to get the verbiage just right, the alignment the way I wanted it, etc etc... when it didn't save.  Thankfully, it was fairly easy to recreate and no electronics were injured in the incident.  

Until later...  Jules

  

Antipasto Salad (aka The World's Most Fattening Non-Salad Salad)

Antipasto salad is one of those things that is easy to throw together, but still looks pretty impressive.  It's perfect for potlucks, picnics, or parties.  Sorry, I was just going for alliteration there.  It is definitely NOT low-calorie, but that's okay.  Just this once.  Ahem.

Meaty Non-Salad Salad

Although I must admit, when I made this salad the first time, I announced on Facebook, "This salad is pissing me off."  I no longer remember exactly why I said that...  Granted, I say a lot of dumb stuff.  I admit that freely.  I believe there are a few hundred witnesses who would attest to that as well.  See also:  My memory sucks.

Here's what you need:
-1 24 oz jar of pepperoncinis, drained
-1 15 oz can of garbanzo beans OR chickpeas, drained and rinsed
-2 cups halved, fresh mushrooms
-2 cups halved cherry tomatoes
-1/2 lb of provolone cheese, cubed
-1 6 oz can of pitted black olives, drained
-1 3.5 oz package of pepperoni slices
-1 3.5 oz package of salami, sliced
-1 bottle of Italian vinaigrette dressing (or you can make your own and you know, why not?)

Here's what you do:
1.  Throw all of the above in a bowl.
2.  Toss it around.
3.  Cover and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, but longer is better.  (TWSS.  Sorry.  No, I'm not.)
4.  That's it!

If you are feeling ambitious and want to make your own dressing mix 1 1/2 c evoo (extra virgin olive oil), 1/2 c white wine vinegar, 1 tsp minced garlic, 1 tsp oregano, 2 tbsp dried parsley, and *some* salt and pepper in a blender for 10 seconds.  Allow to sit for approximately 30 minutes, rewhisk, and dump it on.

This makes enough to easily serve 14-16 and makes for great leftovers.  Hopefully, you won't be as inexplicably pissed off as I was the first time I made it.  Or if you are, leave me a comment as to why and maybe it will prompt my memory.