Lemon Rosemary Roasted Chicken, a Treatment Update, and Other Random Nonsense

Oh.  Hi there!  ((Waves vigorously.))  I got distracted again.  I swear, I don't have ADD/ADHD, I've just been incredibly busy... back to doing some legal stuff part-time, doing a couple of freelance writing gigs, adopting a pit bull (or maybe I should say she adopted me), FINALLY resolving my horrendous back pain, having my wallet stolen...  You know, the normal course of events.

This situation with my lower back had gotten completely and totally out of control.  Finally, after 6 straight MONTHS of it being at a Level 9 I Want to Chop My Leg Off Just to Make It Feel Better, without so much as a single minute where it wasn't basically excruciating, I found the answer.  I started treatment at a place which specializes in athletic injuries.  I knew I was in the right place when the words I heard most outside of the normal "physical therapy" speak were "gymnastics," "jiu-jitsu," and "MMA."  After the first treatment, I had 2 glorious minutes of being completely pain-free.  After the second treatment, two hours, at which point I declared that the doctors there were all getting lap dances for Christmas.  After the third, it was back down to intermittent, with several hours of being pain-free in a row, but the peaks weren't even holding a candle to what I had been having at the BEST moments previously.  At this point, it is SO much better than I'm really only fighting with it for a little bit in the morning.  My liver wrote me a nice card saying thanks for not pumping me full of painkillers, you rotten bitch, you're lucky I have the capacity for regeneration.

((If you're lost, I wrecked myself in gymnastics at the age of 12 with a complete hamstring tear out of the origin, a ruptured disc, and a fractured vertebrae.  It has been bad on and off for the last, ahem, some number of years, but this went completely batshit insane and was far worse than when I actually broke it.))

Let me just tell you:  Nothing wrecks your life like being unable to walk, sit, stand, or lay down without throbbing pain.  Jeezus.

Anyway...  

Deb's birthday was last week and Sunday night I went out to make dinner for her and a friend.  I ended up making Lemon Rosemary Roasted Chicken.  Recipe adapted slightly from The Pioneer Woman.

Looks fancy, no?

What you need:

1 FRESH whole chicken
1 stick of softened butter
4 springs rosemary
3 lemons
Salt and pepper

Ready? Go:

Preheat the oven to 400.

Open up the chicken and remove the giblets.  Yes, this is completely revolting.  I know.  Power through it.  Rinse the chicken inside and out with cold water, contemplate whether you are really a vegetarian after all, and then pat dry with paper towels.

Line a baking dish with aluminum foil and spray with a nonstick spray.

Realize you forgot to soften the butter and stick it in the microwave for about 15-20 seconds.

Chop the rosemary leaves from ONE sprig as finely as you can.  Add that to the butter.  Zest two lemons ((being careful not to get the white stuff)) and throw it on the butter/rosemary mixture.

Stir to combine.

Using your hands, spread the buttery gooey goodness all over the chicken, getting it into all the nooks and crannies and feel slightly dirty while doing so.  ((Wash your hands with dish soap to cut the grease quickly.  You're welcome.))

Squeeze the juice of one lemon all over the chicken.  Crack some salt and pepper over it as well.

Now slice the other two lemons in half and cram them and the remaining rosemary springs ((whole)) into the chicken cavity.  ((You may not be able to get it all in.  TWSS.))

Roast uncovered for 1 hour and 15 minutes.

Remove from oven, cover loosely with aluminum foil, and allow to rest for 10 minutes.  Carve it up ((or hack the living shit out of it, whatever)) and serve.

*****

So that's it!  Talk to you tomorrow or next week or maybe in November!

Chile Lime Chicken, Microwave Sweet Corn, and Cilantro Butter

I still maintain that it is too hot to cook, BUT I am officially over the cereal straight from the box routine.  Over it.  However, as frequently happened, this seemingly simple idea turned into a "what the hell do I do now?" moment.

The chicken is a total cheat, but I have an explanation...  I was given a Williams Sonoma gift card for my birthday ((Thanks, Jimmy!)) and in an attempt to use the remaining four dollars on it after I got some REALLY good stuff, I ended up buying one of their spice rub thingys.  All you do is to throw a cup or so of breadcrumbs with 3-4 tablespoons of their Chile Lime Spice Rub into a baggie and toss it around until it is fairly uniform in color.  I then just threw the chicken in there ((no egg wash required)), tossed it, and threw it in the oven for 45 minutes at 350 degrees.  Easy.

The picture sucks because the pool guy who has more than a slight resemblance to Mr. Belding showed up and I didn't have the gall to take food out to photograph in front of him.  Oops.

About 20 minutes before the chicken would be done, I put on a huge pot of water to boil.  When I went back to check on the boilitude ((that's a word, eff off spell check)), I found the pot was full of foam.  Uhhhh... Well, I had used that pot to boil a huge batch of Chinese herbs to make a tincture for my back.  That concoction smelled like a combination of Christmas, despair, and a flop house.  I soaked that damn pot for days to get rid of the residue.  And then more days.  And then I scrubbed it some more.  Then it soaked for another week.  I'm afraid whatever medicinal properties ((and contact high)) I got from the "treatment" may have resulted in ruining the stock pot.  Oh well.  

At this point, there is now 6 minutes left for the chicken so I quickly googled if you can microwave sweet corn and if so, how.  Basically, you shuck the corn, wrap it tightly in paper towels, and nuke it for 5 minutes.  I have to say, it turned out pretty well.  It didn't get quite the same golden color as when you boil it, but it was perfectly edible.

I then basted it with a cilantro butter.  Melt the butter and chop up a LOT of cilantro into really small pieces or until you get annoyed with it.  Add it to the melted butter and let it all seep together for a while.  Brush it on the corn with a basting brush.  

*****

All righty... I need to quickly finish up some freelance work.  Happy Wednesday!  Or Happy Whatever Day You Read This! 

Roasted Pork Tenderloin with Oaxaca Mole Verde, Measurements are Dumb, and Please Come Back

I, semi-last-minute, decided to make dinner for my mother and her friend, Kathy, last evening.  I had been given this totally gorgeous cookbook by Kathy's daughter ((one of my favoritest people)) and was itching to try something from it.  I decided on a pork tenderloin with a mole verde sauce.  ((Little did I know, pork tenderloin is one of Kathy's very favorite things, so look at me, I'm a winner.))

I'm going to warn you, the ingredient list and the instructions look long, but it comes together relatively quickly and is completely worth it.  As you are reading this, you will probably say, "Oh screw her.  This is ridiculous."  I swear to you, I left for the store at 3 pm to get the missing ingredients in within one hour I had made the rub, the sauce to completion, and 2 dozen green chile muffins, Mexican rice, and loaded up everything I needed to take this show on the road.

Original recipe from "Sharing the Table at Garland's Lodge"

What you need generally:

4 pork tenderloins

For the rub:

2 tablespoons each oregano, sage, thyme, cumin seed, and ground red chile
1 tablespoon each cinnamon and nutmeg
1/4 cup of salt ((I used a lot less))
2 tablespoons coarse black pepper

For the mole verde:

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 medium white or yellow onion, roughly chopped
3 garlic cloves, peeled
1 pound tomatillos, peeled, rinsed and sliced
1/4 cup chopped hot green chiles ((not the canned crap-- I used less and deseeded them for wimpier palates))
1 1/2 teaspoons of salt
2 teaspoons each oregano and cumin seeds
1/2 cup raw pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup loosely packed chopped cilantro ((so like half a bunch with some of the stems left on))
2 - 2 1/2 cups of chicken stock
2 tablespoons of lime juice

Are you still with me?  I know.  It seems like a lot, but the vast majority of this stuff is in your spice rack or pantry.  If you don't have something and aren't going to the market, leave it out.  It's fine.

Start by making the rub.  Combine everything BUT the salt and pepper in a small skillet and heat until it smells like heaven.  ((This won't take long, just a couple of minutes on a medium heat.))  Remove from the heat and let it cool a little.  Put into a small baggie and add the salt and pepper and shake it around.  ((I confess, I didn't measure anything, I totally eye-balled it.  Feel free to do the same.))

Preheat the oven to 350, after putting the rack on the highest shelf you can, but still being able to get the pan in.  Drizzle the pork with a little olive oil and then spread the rub over it.  Give it a good pat to make it stick and get all the sides.  Set aside for 30 minutes.  ((I know.  I was a little concerned about leaving pork to sit out.  It's fine.  You won't die.))

Next, we will make the mole.  Heat the olive oil in a heavy sauce pan over medium high.  Add in the onions, garlic ((I didn't chop the garlic cloves, I put them in whole)), tomatillos, and salt.  Give them a stir and then reduce the heat to medium.  Add in the chiles.  Loosely cover the pan ((like make it so that it is half off)) and cook for 10 minutes or until everything is soft.  Stir it every so often to make sure nothing is sticking.

Combine the pumpkin seeds and the oregano and toast in a small skillet until they begin to smoke.  ((Technically, you should grind them with either a grinder or a food processor after this, but I didn't, so don't worry about it.))

Add the pumpkin seed mix, the cilantro, and 2 cups of chicken broth to the pan with the onions/tomatillos.  Stir it well and let cook for just a couple of minutes.

Transfer the sauce ((it's hot in case this isn't obvious!)) to a blender and process until it is very smooth.  You may need to do this in more than one batch depending on the size of your blender.

Return the mixture to the sauce pan.  If it is really thick, add a little more broth.  Add two tablespoons of lime juice and some more salt.  Keep warm while the pork cooks.

**These are their instructions... This did not work for me.... Roast the meat for 8 minutes, reduce the oven temp to 300 and continue another 8-10 minutes.  A meat thermometer should read 140 at the center.  ((I followed these instructions and knew there was no way in hell they were done.  I turned the heat back up to 350 and let them cook for an additional 20 minutes.  I thought maybe I had somehow missed the part where you slice them first, but no.  No idea.))

When cooked through to 140 degrees or just barely pink, remove from the oven and cover with a clean dish towel for ten minutes to rest.

Slice them diagonally at about 1/3 of an inch thick.  Serve with 1/3 cup of the sauce ((which you have kept warm)) over the top.  ((I put it on the side because I was concerned it would still be too spicy for them even though I had mellowed it out some.))

Not the greatest picture because of the lighting, but I was trying not to be "that person" who keeps everyone waiting while they take pictures of food.  

I repeat, this sounds way harder than it is, but whoever you are making it for will think you are a superhero.  I served it along side ((as alluded to)) Mexican rice, black beans with cojita cheese, green chile corn muffins with honey butter, and the now famous, sopapilla cheesecake.

The verde sauce will keep if kept tightly covered in the refrigerator and would be good on basically everything.

*****

All right, this might win the award for the longest post ever.  I'll be back with something a little less daunting ((or at least wordy)) tomorrow!

Baked Mac and Cheese, Recklessness, and the 100th Post

Confession time:  I had never had mac n cheese ((from a box or otherwise-- more than a bite anyway)) until 2005.  I'm sure that sounds like blasphemy and like I must have had a terrible childhood.  There was something about the consistency that freaked me out.  I just couldn't tolerate it.  Then in 2005 ((yes, I remember the actual day specifically too)), a box, or actually several boxes, were brought into my house.  The first time I tried to make it ((and I'm talking the add water to the pre-filled carton variety)), I thoroughly screwed it up.  This is why I say that I could not cook at ALL until really quite recently.  If you screw up macaroni and cheese in a microwavable package, there is still hope for you.  #Endtrueconfessions.

What was my point?  Oh yes.  Macaroni and cheese is many people's ultimate comfort food.  I had the honor of making dinner for a girlfriend ((and 8 others)) who has been through quite the ordeal lately.  This occasion required macaroni and cheese.  Specifically, baked mac and cheese with buttered breadcrumbs.  

*Recipe adapted slightly from Alton Brown.

<<Imagine a picture right here of ooey, gooey cheesy pasta with breadcrumbs on top.  Blogger is NOT cooperating with me to load photos.  If I get it to work later, I will add the picture.  GAH.>>

What you need:

1/2 pound elbow macaroni ((or something similar))

3 tablespoons butter

3 tablespoons flour

1 tablespoon powdered mustard

3 cups milk

1/2 cup yellow onion, finely diced

1/2 teaspoon paprika

1 large egg

16 ounces sharp cheddar, shredded

1 teaspoon kosher salt

Fresh black pepper

Topping:

3 tablespoons butter

1 cup panko bread crumbs

The Destructions--oops Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350.

Cook the pasta to the package directions ((like, boil the crap for 10-12 minutes)) and drain.

Chop the onion and set aside.

In a good-sized sauce pan melt 3 tablespoons of butter.  Add in the flour and the powdered mustard and KEEP IT MOVING for 5 minutes.  This is going to seems really ridiculous.  It is kind of a clump of yellow-y stuff and you will think this is the second dumbest thing you've ever done.  ((Feel free to leave the dumbest thing you'e ever done in the comments.))  However, if Alton Brown says to do it that way, we do it that way.  Respect, people.

Add the milk, the onion, and the paprika and allow to simmer for ten minutes.

((We are about to get fancy, don't be scared.))  Temper in the egg.  ((WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL DOES TEMPER AN EGG MEAN?  Yell at it?  Try to piss it off?))  Tempering means that you make it so that the egg doesn't just "scramble" in the pan.  Start by whisking it in a bowl so that the yolk and white are combined.  Then add some of the hot stuff to that bowl slowly, whisking it at the same time.  Try not to make a mess.  Just add a little at a time so it doesn't cook the egg.  Keep doing this until the egg has reached the heat of the original mixture and it is mixed in.  Bad news, if it clumps up, you should really start over, but I won't judge you if you say eff it, good enough.  

Return the mixture to the pan and add the cheese.  The original recipe called for 12 ounces.  I eyeballed that and decided that wasn't enough so I basically went hog-wild at that point.  I'm guessing I added more than a pound of shredded cheddar.  ((That's fun to say: shredded cheddar.  Shredded cheddar shredded cheddar shredded cheddar.))  Mix it together until the cheese in melted and pull off the heat.

Place the pasta into a sprayed 9 x 13 baking dish.  Pour the cheesy-goodness over it and stir.  

In a small bowl, melt an additional 3 tablespoons of butter.  Add in a cup of panko breadcrumbs ((or regular if that is what you have)) and mix them around with a fork.  Sprinkle on top.  

Bake uncovered for 30 minutes.

*****

This is the 100th post!  It is completely astounding to me that since February, as of today, 7,500 different people have viewed some of my nonsense.  Not too shabby.  

Quinoa Herbed Crab Salad, Mission: Perishable, and TGIF

I'm officially onto Mission: Eat All the Perishables before my epic trip of a lifetime ((quasi-redundant, don't care)) next week.  I suppose that isn't being terribly gracious to my house-sitter who will be here full time who is also an amateur boxer who adores my chow ((yes, that might be code for don't fuck with me in my absence)), but I'm guessing he doesn't eat a whole lot of bok choy anyway.  So, to that end, let's clean some more stuff out of the refrigerator into a crab quinoa salad.

  My original idea was to make something like crab salad that is typically served either on a croissant or stuffed into a bell pepper, but without the creamy, fatty goodness.  Mission accomplished.

What you need for 4 servings:

One cup of quinoa ((cooked according to package directions))

8 oz crab meat 

4 stalks of celery, chopped,

4 green onions, chopped

Fresh thyme 

Fresh basil

1 squeeze of lemon

1 tablespoon EVOO

Salt and pepper

Parmesan

What to do:

Rinse the quinoa thoroughly prior to cooking to remove the bitter coating.  ((FYI, Costco--the second circle of hell-- had a huge bag of quinoa when I was there a couple of weeks ago.  Target has been selling a small bag for 8 bucks.  This was at least 4 times the size, but not too big to store easily--I think 32 oz-- for about 14.  You're welcome.))  Cook according to the package instructions.

Chop the celery, onions, and herbs.  ((If I had red pepper, I would have put a little of that in as well.))  

For the crab meat, for the love of carbs, do not use that fake, imitation shit.  I won't be terribly offended if you use canned stuff, but just not that whitefish that they paint the edges pink.  That is disgusting.  We aren't going to be loading this up with dressing, so you want the actual ingredients to actually taste like something.  

Mix everything together with the olive oil and add a big old squeeze of lemon.  Refrigerate for at least an hour, preferably longer and re-stir prior to serving.  Top with a little bit of parmesan, because, why not?

This was just fine all on it's own ((I ate the leftovers right out of the tupperware for lunch the next day)),  but would be good on a bed of lettuce, stuffed in a red pepper, or in a pita.

  

Nutritional Info:  Approximately 300 calories, 5 grams of fat per serving.  ((Let me give a disclaimer.  I haven't been running these all through my ingredient calorie calculator.  For one thing, I usually don't name brands and the amounts used really vary.  My idea of "top with parmesan" is pretty light as you can see.  Yours is likely way different.  I also don't actually measure anything unless I am baking.  However, my estimations are pretty damn close.))

*****

This week has been kind of a bitch.  I'm not really sure why, other than that I had an extremely unpleasant task Thursday morning which really reaffirmed a lot of things in my mind.  But, it is going to be a great weekend... drinks with friends tonight, giving a cooking class Saturday afternoon, and cooking for a small-ish party Sunday evening.   Happy Friday!

Grilled Cheese for Grown-Ups, Linkage, and Being Banned

There is a wild and nasty rumor flying around Twitter and the Blogosphere that today is National Grilled Cheese Day. Now THIS is a valid and worthy commemoration befitting the Founders' spirit of a national holiday. It seems like everyone should get the day off or something in observance. Go home now. I'm closing the banks. Oh wait, my delusions of grandeur are showing again.

Plain grilled cheese sandwiches are definitely good and obviously have their place... But let's grow it up a little. Jules' Grown-Up Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

Grilled Cheese for Grown-Ups

What you need per sandwich:

2 slices of multi-grain bread
2 tablespoons of butter
1 tablespoon of pesto
4 slices of mozzarella cheese
2 slices of tomato ((I actually used cherry tomatoes cut into slices))
4 leaves of basil

Grill them up:

Start by pre-heating your pan of choice without spraying anything on it over a medium heat.  I have a sandwich press that I like.  It seals the edges and the sandwiches look nice, but it is a total bitch to clean because the plates aren't removable.  You can also use a grill pan with a press if you have one of those ((I'll put a link at the bottom if you decide you need one and I know you probably do)) or you can always just use a frying pan and smash the damn thing the old fashioned way.

Butter the two slices of bread on one slide.  Flip one piece over and "butter" it with the pesto.  ((My name is Jules and I'm a pesto-holic.  I seriously love that shit.)) Layer that side with the tomatoes, the basil, and then put the mozzarella on top.  Quick tip: slice your tomatoes as thinly as you can so that they actually warm up.  I hate it when there is cold crap inside a hot sandwich.  That might just be me though.

Carefully transfer that piece of bread to the pan.  ((Hopefully the mozzarella on top will keep you from spilling the contents.)) Grab the other slice and put it butter side up ((I don't know how elementary some of y'all might be.))  Smash it.  You can use the grill press if you have that, a smaller pan, or even a spatula.  But seriously, smash it down.

Let it cook for a couple of minutes, or just until when you peek at the bottom side, it is getting golden brown.  Flip it ONCE and toast the other side.  The cheese should be melty in another two minutes.

Cut it diagonally because that is the correct way to slice sandwiches.  If you do it up and down into "halves" I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

Melty Mozzarella

Nutritional Info:  Let's call it about 400 calories, but this will depend on the type of bread and the amount of butter, pesto, and cheese you use.  Not the lightest thing in the world, but that's okay.

 *****

In other news, my margarita chicken recipe was linked on Healthy Living Blogs' Wednesday Barbecue Recipes.   Some of the other recipes look good too.  Check them out.

In an act of shameless self promotion, if you are looking for a grill press or any other kitchen-type stuff, contribute to my pesto fund by shopping here, would ya? I started doing this primarily to earn free kitchen stuff for my ventures. To date, I have earned over $1,200 in free stuff, so help a girl out. Cookware is expensive.

What else? We managed to get temporarily suspended on Twitter which I found hilarious. I suppose most people wouldn't think so but I thought it was awesome. You can follow me to see if I manage to do it again... The sidebar should have a link. Username is @julia_steele. In further shameless self-promotion, you can always "share" these posts on social networking sites using the buttons below too. Please and thank you and have a lovely day.

I think that's all for today. I'm entering a fiction contest and I can't wait to get to work on it before I need to redirect my attention to the private cooking lesson I'm giving this Saturday and to the party I'm doing on Sunday evening. GOOD TIMES. My "work" is better than your work.

Shrimp Fried Rice, Ice Baths, and Yes, I'm Alive

Yes, yes, yes, I am alive.  Call off the search party...  What is odd though is that once I hadn't posted in a few days, I found myself not knowing how to resume.  So, I will just start.  That's probably the best way.

This weekend, I got the Asian pack from the co-op.  Unfortunately, I was in a hurry to unload everything because I was headed out of town, and failed to store things the right way.   A lot of stuff was just stuffed into the fridge.  Whoops.  So today when I pulled out the huge bunch of celery, it almost folded in half it was so limp.  It was pretty comical and I could actually hear a cartoon-style wilting noise as it happened.  Luckily, I knew how to revive it...  Ice bath.

If you have lettuce, cabbage, green onions, or celery that has wilted, it isn't garbage.  It can be brought back to life with an ice bath.  If you live in a cold climate, sometimes it will be sufficient just to run it under really cold water.  If that doesn't work or if you don't have cold tap water like we don't in Arizona, then you can give it an ice bath.  There are a couple of different ways to do it.  You can submerge it in a bowl of water with ice cubes for a few minutes and it will perk back up.  You can also get a little more drastic and cut off the end, submerge that end in the water/ice cubes ((think of it like putting a flower in a vase)), and watch it come back to life.

I had some leftover white rice, so I opted to make shrimp fried rice.

What you need for 2 main course servings or 4 side servings:

12 large COOKED shrimp, peeled, deveined, and tails removed

2 large eggs
Kosher salt
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 bunch scallions, chopped
1/2 of a small onion, chopped
1 tablespoon of peeled and minced ginger
4 stalks of celery, chopped
4 cups of napa cabbage, chopped
1 cup of shiitake mushrooms
1/4 cup of chicken broth
3 tablespoons of soy sauce
1/2 tablespoon of red pepper flakes
3 cups cooked white rice

What to do:

Start by marinating the shrimp in a little bit of soy sauce and the red pepper flakes and set aside.

Whisk the eggs in a small bowl with a little bit of salt.  Heat one tablespoon of the olive oil in a saute pan.  Add the eggs and let cook for one minute, without stirring, until it is almost set.  Flip it over and cook on the other side for about 30 seconds,  Remove to a cutting board and slice into strips.

Add the other tablespoon of olive oil to the pan and add most of the scallions, setting a few aside for garnish, the onion, and the ginger.  Let cook over a medium heat for a few minutes, until they start to get tender.  Add the celery and saute for about a minute.  Add the cabbage, the shiitakes, and a little chicken broth and allow it to steam and wilt, about 3-4 minutes.

Add in the shrimp, rice, and some additional soy sauce and stir until heated through.  Finally, add the egg back in and stir it around.  Remove to the plates and garnish with the remaining scallions.

**Obviously, you can add basically any veggies that you have to this...  Carrots, snap peas, or whatever.

Nutritional Info:  About 350 calories and 10 grams of fat as two main course servings.

*****

I will be wittier tomorrow...  I'm still recovering from the long weekend.  Add in the 108 degree heat and I'm spent.  I feel like the celery.  Maybe an ice bath would help me.

Turkey Po-Tacos, Turkey Tac-atoes, or Oh Lord Someone Else Name Something for Me

So about a thousand years ago, I came up with the idea to put taco meat and toppings on a baked potato  ((this certainly is not an original idea, I am well aware)) and we spent an unreasonable amount of time debating what they should be called with a fervor which should really be reserved for matters of national security.  I was adamantly lobbying for po-tacos.  <<Redacted>> was just as strongly committed to tac-atoes which he later modified to tac-aters.  Ridiculous argument that always lasted way after the meal was gone aside, but has remained memorable for at least seven or so years, these are quite good and good for you.

Not the most photogenic

What you need for 2:

2 large baking potatoes
1/2 lb of ground turkey burger
1 packet of taco seasoning
1/2 c of shredded Mexican cheese
Shredded lettuce
1/2 c of salsa
2 dollops of sour cream

Go:

Start by scrubbing the potatoes and then stabbing them with a fork a few times.  Set aside.

Brown the ground turkey until all of the pink is gone.  Add the taco seasoning packet and the water as directed on the packet.  RIGHT NOW, put the potatoes in the microwave and hit the "potato" button.  If you don't have a "potato" button, well, you are on your own.  Good luck.  Once the turkey and sauce come to a fast simmer, reduce the heat to low, cover, and let simmer until the potatoes are done.

When the potatoes are finished, remove them to a plate, slice them open, and smash them a little.  Top with the lettuce, turkey, Mexican cheese, salsa, and a little sour cream.

Potacos

Nutritional Info:   If you are using a large potato and go easy on the cheese and sour cream, let's call it 350 calories and 6 grams of fat.

*****

Let's see.... What else?  Submitted updated menus to a bed and breakfast this morning...  Working on another writing project...  Inhaling the LaPorte eBook like it is the air I breathe...  Worked a little bit on some blog redesign around here...  I *almost* know what I'm doing at this point!  Not really...  But now if you want to share a post on FB, Twitter, or Google Plus ((cuz EVERYONE uses GPlus)), there should be buttons below each post to do so.  I appreciate it when you do!  You even get a gold star in my Book of People That Don't Suck.

Panasonic Stainless Steel Countertop Microwave Oven - NNSD797S
GE Profile Spacemaker II Stainless Steel Microwave Oven - PEM31SMSS
Cuisinart Stainless Steel Countertop Microwave - CMW-100

Spinach and Mushroom Lasagna with White Sauce, Storage Wars, and a Float

Did you miss me?  ((I didn't think so...))  It has been a busy couple of days cooking for a wedding reception Saturday night.  The menu included Caprese Salad Skewers, Tomato Bruschetta, Pesto/Pine Nut/Parmesan Bruschetta, Italian Salad with Genoa Salami, Baked Penne with Italian Sausage in an Arrabiata Sauce, Vegetarian Lasagna, Roasted Veggies, and a Fruit Salad with a very light honey drizzle.  I learned a very important lesson about cooking in other people's homes this weekend:  Prior to pre-heating the oven, look inside it.  The home owner had stored 3 plastic cutting boards in the oven.  Luckily, I was looking for a cutting board shortly after turning the oven on, but holy shit, that could have been a total disaster.

Let's make a lasagna without melted plastic on the bottom of the oven...  Recipe adapted from allrecipes.com.

Picture via It Started with Yum...

What you need for 9 pieces:


1 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach
2 16-oz jars Alfredo-style pasta sauce ((I make my own, but none of y'all are probably going to do that))
1/2 cup skim milk
1 (8 ounce) package lasagna noodles ((Wild guess... you aren't going to make your own pasta noodles either so I'll omit that))
1 pint part-skim ricotta cheese
1 egg
8 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced  ((I used baby portobellos))
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Okay:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees after looking in it to be sure it isn't being used as a book shelf or a shoe rack.

Spray a large glass pan thoroughly with cooking spray, being sure to get up the sides too.

Take your frozen spinach ((I use Trader Joe's organic)) and place it in a bowl.  Microwave it for 4 minutes on high.  Add the ricotta to the bowl and mix it with the spinach.  Lightly beat the egg and then add it to the spinach/ricotta.

In a separate bowl, combine the pasta sauce with the milk.  ((I have had Trader Joe's Alfredo Sauce in other things and it is pretty good...  I'm not really a cream sauce fan, so if you know of something better, leave the suggestion in the comments.))

Start layering.  From the BOTTOM ((what you put in first)) going UP ((last)):
1.  Enough sauce to cover the bottom of the dish
2.  3 uncooked lasagna noodles
3.  Half of the spinach/ricotta mixture
4.  Half of the chopped mushrooms
5.  3 more lasagna noodles
6.  About a cup and a half of the sauce
7.  The rest of the spinach
8.  The rest of the mushrooms
9.  3 more noodles
10.  The rest of the sauce
11.  The mozzarella ((if you use more than 1/2 a cup as called for, I won't feel bad))

Bake at 350 for about 60 minutes COVERED.  Turn off the oven, uncover, spoon some of the sauce that has accumulated around the edges over the top, and allow to continue baking with the oven off for another 15 minutes.  You can add little Parmesan on top at this point if you are feeling sporty.

Nutritional Info:  Um.  Well.  It's bad.  500 calories per piece if you slice it into 9 pieces and about 35 grams of fat.

This comes together fast if you use the pre-made ingredients.  I would say ten minutes to get it in the oven and 4 of that is nuking the spinach.  I made two huge pans of this yesterday and it evaporated into thin air.  I suspect it would reheat well too.

*****

Lots to do today...  I need to go pick up the rest of the stuff from the reception, do something about the state of my own kitchen, finish the research for another article, and then hopefully do some sweet, sweet nothing.  A float in the pool may be just what the doctor ordered.

Turkey with Black Bean and Salsa Skillet, Blogaholism, and What was the Point?

As you may have gathered, I read a LOT of blogs of basically every variety: food/cooking/baking, fitness, personal, parenting, dating/relationship, fashion, lifestyle, humor, and you name it.  I think my Google Reader subscription list is still over 300 and I have pared it down a lot.  But what I love about reading blogs is the inside look into people's lives.  Now granted, people are not who they appear to be on their site by and large.  The author gives you their own spin on events which out of necessity, must be filtered somewhat.  Some things are exaggerated for effect, some things are outright bullshit, omissions are made, etc etc.  Still I find it fascinating to see how other people's lives unfold and the way in which they choose to present it.  And what is really fascinating is how invested the readers become in their lives as well.

Hmmm.  I wonder what my point was.  I probably didn't actually have one.  I think my point is this...  In this space, I really only talk about my cooking endeavors.  There are some things that I just can't or won't talk about.  However, I have a LOT of other projects going on and as time goes on, I'll be talking more about those as well.  In the past couple of weeks, shit has really taken off.  Based on a conversation today, it is about to get really fracking awesome.  Once we have it up and running, I will fill y'all in.  Promise.

*****

Let's EAT.  As I mentioned previously, I get a lot of requests from people for ideas for quick, easy dinners.  I came up with this after vacantly staring in the fridge and frankly, enjoying the cool breeze from it ((it was 108 here today)).  A turkey with black bean and salsa skillet.

What you need for two servings:

1/2 pound ground turkey
1 cup of black beans, drained and rinsed
1/3 cup ((or more)) of a salsa of your choice
1/4 cup of shredded Mexican cheese
2 tablespoons of sour cream
Tortillas
Lime
Cilantro

Make it:

Start by browning the ground turkey in a skillet.  Crumble it up using a spatula or a fork into small pieces.  Once all the pink is out, add the salsa and the black beans.  Stir and heat through.

Heat your tortillas by placing them between two paper towels and microwaving for 30 seconds.  Pile on the turkey/bean/salsa and then top with shredded cheese, sour cream, a squeeze of lime, and some cilantro.

There are lots of other things you could add if you have time...  Chopped onions, avocado, sweet corn ((I used a corn salsa)), or whatever you want!

This came together in less than ten minutes which is exactly what I'm talking about when it is hot and you haven't had anything but seven diet cokes all day.  

Nutritional Info for one serving:  Approximately 230 calories ((using reduced-fat cheese, fat-free sour cream, and small tortillas)) and 4 grams of fat.

This didn't photograph very well... the light was weird and blah blah blah ... but it was really good and filling.  Luckily, I have a photography student who has asked if she can work with me to build her portfolio!  I just need to come up with something colorful to make and find a time that works with our schedules.  I'm super-excited about it.  As I've said before, I'm no photographer.  I actually don't own a real camera and only take these pictures with my phone.  So when you see super pretty pictures, you will know that is her work!

*****

I need to crank out some more writing tonight and figure out why my dog won't stop growling at the wall.  Be back tomorrow!

Spinach Salad with Apricots and Kiwi Vinaigrette, PIC's, and Taste Testers

I am totally, completely, and utterly ((and probably a few other superlatives)) one of those people that once I get an idea in my head, I can't shake it.  That probably explains a lot of things, right?  I'm in that frame of mind on a couple of projects right now.  I really don't know what the hell I did with myself "before."  I honestly cannot fathom what I was doing with my time other than completely wasting it.  I'll give you an update once it crystallizes a little more.  Which will probably be by tomorrow.  Or maybe before I finish writing this post.  We shall see.

*****

Today I threw together a quick salad and came up with a new vinaigrette which turned out much better than I expected.  A spinach salad topped with apricots and kiwi with a kiwi vinaigrette.

What you need for two servings:

One bunch of spinach, thoroughly washed and chopped
6 apricots, sliced into quarters
4 kiwis, peeled and sliced
2 tablespoons EVOO
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
Black pepper

What to do:

Assemble the salad with the spinach, all of the apricots, and two of the kiwis.

Using your blender, throw in the other two kiwis, the olive oil, and the vinegar.  Pulse it several times to combine.  Add a few cracks of black pepper and sample.  Pour the vinaigrette over the salad and that's it!

Obviously, there are tons of things you could add to this salad:  grilled chicken, shrimp, almonds, dried cranberries, candied walnuts maybe.  Whatever strikes your fancy.  Some people might prefer to strain the seeds out of the dressing... I thought they were good and added some nice texture.  Again, up to you.

I couldn't begin to tell you when the last time was I had apricots.  My rough guess is somewhere in the 80's.  So, so good.

Nutritional info:  Superstar.  Approximately 200 calories and 4 grams of fat as shown here.

*****

I'm making dinner for a friend tonight.  I was digging through my email folder entitled "Recipes" and came across something I saved entitled "Lick Your Plate Italian Piccata."  I don't think I made it before, but I could be wrong.  Doing that with some rice, a caesar salad, fresh bread, and more souffles.  Yes, I know it is rough being one of my guinea pigs.  Tough job.

Margarita Chicken, Reorganizing, and Mischief

I'm back.  Well, I didn't really go anywhere, but regardless, I'm back.  After a long day on my feet on Sunday cooking for the Mothers' Day French Ambition Tour and a repeat of that Monday morning, I declared Monday afternoon/evening a work-free zone.  All I did during that 12 hours was finish two freelance projects, research what we are referring to as the World Domination Project ((evil laugh here,)) and have a text conversation about absolutely nothing which required in excess of 50 sent messages.  Time well spent.  

The seemingly never-ending political campaign ended last night with the victory toasted with Roger Clyne's Mexican Moonshine.  ((Only four people were being actively babysat after said toast, so that's a decent ratio.))  It got me thinking...  we should make tequila lime chicken.  Alas, my plans were slightly thrown off course when I discovered I didn't actually have tequila ((which if you have seen my bar that should lead to a major, "What? The? Fuck?"))  SkinnyGirl Margaritas to the rescue.

SkinnyGirl Margarita Chicken

What you need:

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1/4 cup of my personal hero Bethenny Frankel's SkinnyGirl Margarita

1/2 cup of orange juice

1 huge squeeze of lime

Dashes of the following: sea salt, chili pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, dried parsley, and black pepper

What to do:

Place the chicken breasts in a glass bowl, stab it repeatedly with a fork ((you can mutter your ex's name, your boss's name, or whoever's name while you do this for free therapy points,)) and then dump everything else in.  Mix it around a little of that the meat is covered with a little bit of everything.  Cover with some form of cling wrap and refrigerate for at least a half an hour, but as long as overnight.  

When you are ready to eat, preheat your grill on at maximum heat.  When it is really fracking hot, throw the breasts on the grill and let them sear on BLAST ((a real setting, remember?)) for one minute on each side.  Reduce the heat to a nice medium and let cook for approximately 4-5 minutes on each side.  Do not flip them a million times!  After the searing, once is seriously enough.  Over-flipping is what dries them out.  Stop it.  Also, no re-marinating!  Once it is on the grill, it is marinated enough.  Adding more marinade just increases your contamination risk.  Feel free to sprinkle on more spices if you like though.  That's allowed.

Grilling times will vary based on how hot your medium is and how big your breasts are.  Ahem.  ((I can't help myself.  Every single time.  I'm such a child.))  Test them with a meat thermometer ((I never do this, I like to live dangerously)) or slice into the thickest part of one to check for doneness.

This is delicioso as is, or you can top it with a little bit of shredded Mexican cheese, some diced avocado, tomato and/or chopped cilantro.  I'm doing pinto beans on the side, but black beans or even refried beans ((if you hate your waistline)) would be good additions.  

Nutritional Info:  For a 4 ounce serving of chicken, approximately 230 calories and 5 or so grams of fat.  Win!

*****

This is probably of interest to almost no one, but I recently reorganized my kitchen and it has reduced my aggravation about a gzillion percent.  Now keep in mind, I cook every day, frequently for more than a couple of hours and twice a week or so, in 8 hour spurts.  However, if you are frustrated with never being able to find the spices you want or if you can't reach the olive oil you use 4 times a week, move it!  It seems like a chore, but really, it only takes a couple of minutes.  The things you use the most need to be in your reach.  Make your life easier!

*****

Lately a lot of people have been asking for quick, light recipes.  I aim to serve, so stay tuned!  

*****

I'm off to get re-blondified and then create a little mischief...  

Super Easy Broccoli Pasta, Parmesan Bashing, and Inertia

Oh Monday.  Another week, another renewed attempt at clean living.  I ate like a total garbage can over the weekend.  Somehow, I was persuaded to eat both fried cheese curds and then fried pickles on Saturday evening all in the name of carb therapy for a friend.  What can I say?  The spirit is strong, but the flesh is weak or something like that.  Ugh.  I must be a really good friend.  Shaking it off.

Let's do something easy and clean, shall we?  This is a simple broccoli and pasta recipe that I found via Skinnytaste.  I adapted it slightly to add a little more pizazz.

Exhibit A

What you need for 2 big servings or 4 small servings:

1 cup of uncooked pasta ((I used gemelli))
3-4 cups of broccoli
2 tablespoons of olive oil, divided
2 cloves of garlic
1/4 of a red pepper
4 green onions
Salt and pepper
1/4 cup of Parmesan cheese

How to make it:

Get a pot of water on to boil.  While that is heating up, chop up your broccoli, removing the stems.  Set aside.

Mince the garlic, chop the green onions (the white parts), and the red pepper and put aside separate from the broccoli.

Once the water is boiling, add both the pasta and the broccoli to the pot.  I typically do not boil vegetables and in fact, I can be kind of a loud mouth about why you shouldn't boil vegetables.  ((Who me?))  It sucks out the nutrients which kind of defeats the whole purpose.  However, for some reason, I was feeling overly complacent today and decided to do as the original recipe said.  Next time, I will steam the broccoli separately because that's just the way I like it.  So there.  We knew that complacency wouldn't last...

After about ten minutes ((or whatever the package says)), remove the pot from the stove and scoop out about one cup of the pasta water and set it aside.  Throw the pasta and the broccoli into a colander to drain.

Return the pot to the stove and add 1 tablespoon of olive oil.  ((It will get hot fast, so turn the heat down.))  Add the garlic, red pepper, and green onions, and let them cook for a couple of minutes until they smell mega-delicious.  Add the pasta, broccoli, and the cup of pasta water back in.  Crack some salt and pepper over the top and stir.  ((The original recipe said to add another tablespoon of oil at this point, but I didn't think it was necessary.  Use your judgment.  If you have any judgment, that is.))  Smash the broccoli to break it down into small pieces if it hasn't fallen apart completely too.

Remove to a serving bowl and top with Parmigiano Reggiano cheese.  I'm telling you.  If you are buying and using that Kraft crumbled crap, we can't be internet friends anymore.  You can get a huge thing of Parmigiano Reggiano at Costco for less than ten bucks.  Seriously, I know.  I hate Costco too, but just do it.  GAH.

Obviously, there are tons of ways you could modify this...  Add other veggies, add some chicken.  Go crazy.  Don't let me of all people slow you down.

Nutritional Info:  For 1/4 of the recipe, approximately 275 calories and 7 grams of fat.  Not. Too. Shabby.

This picture would suck with crumbled Kraft Parmesan cheese.  I'm just saying.

Ooh.

*****

Off to get back to work.  It is a big week around here...  Lots of things are coming together at a really fast pace.  Luckily, I can keep up.  Happy Monday!

Easy Chicken Pasta, The Zone, and Cupcake Wars

I spent four hours yesterday blazing through about 250 pages of my nutritional fitness texts and completing the mandatory quizzes.  My brain is officially on overload.  What has really surprised me about it is that the material is MUCH more dense than I had realized.  The writers/editors/whoevers do not seem to follow much logic in terms of actually defining terms (or acronyms for that matter) prior to just throwing a whole crapload of information out.  I'm also getting nervous that the text is pretty dated...  I'm pretty sure The Zone is not a new trend.  Argh.  Oh well.  Learn it to get certified and then the continuing ed classes had better be more impressive or my money is going elsewhere.

All that reading about nutritional deficiencies led to making a healthy, quick dinner.  Chicken Pasta with Broccoli and Asparagus.  This pasta has no real sauce per se, making it a really clean, yet still flavorful, dish that actually tastes like what it is.

What you need for 2 huge servings or 4 small servings:

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 cup of pasta ((use whatever you like...  I had this gemelli left))
1 head of broccoli ((or about 2 cups))
10 or so asparagus stalks
2 tablespoons of EVOO ((extra virgin olive oil))
1/4 c of chicken broth
1/4 c of diced onion
1 clove of garlic, minced
Lemon
Black pepper
Parmesan

What to do:

Boil the water for the pasta and cook it according to the package directions.  When finished, drain in a colander.

While that is coming to a boil, heat up a skillet over medium heat with a drizzle of EVOO in it.  Add the chopped onions and garlic and cook for about 4-5 minutes, until the onions are becoming translucent.

While that is cooking, cut the chicken breasts in small pieces.  ((Always be sure to use a separate, designated cutting board for raw meats!  XO, the Salmonella Fairy))  Add them to pan and sautee them around until they are cooked through, about 5 minutes.

Trim the asparagus ((see below)) and chop it into smaller pieces and then "tree" the broccoli.  Add them to the pan with a little bit of chicken broth.  Cover and allow to cook until the broccoli is bright green, stirring it every so often.  I like asparagus "tender-crisp," meaning not turned to mush.  I only let this steam for about 3 minutes.

Tip for asparagus:  You do need to remove the woody stem at the bottom.  Luckily, if you bend a raw piece of asparagus, it will snap exactly where it needs to in order to remove that part.  Mother Nature is one crafty bitch.

Mix together with your drained pasta.  Add another splash of olive oil, a huge squeeze of lemon, crack some black pepper on top, and throw on a little Parmesan.  Done!  This would also be excellent served cold as a salad the next day if it makes it that long.

Nutritional Info:  For 1/4 cup of the pasta and about 4 ounces of the chicken breasts with lite cheese, let's call it about 350 calories.  Victory!

*****

All righty.  I have a menu to finalize for a birthday party on Friday.  The debate is currently raging between White Russian Cupcakes ((with kahlua and vodka)) or Bailey's Irish Creme Cupcakes.  I'm leaning toward just making both and waiting to see what jackassery unfolds.

Rigatoni with Bechamel and Proscuitto

One of the dishes I made for Saturday's party, I keep hearing about...  Rigatoni with Bechamel and Proscuitto, by Giada again.  A few moments ago, I was informed that one woman who had gotten some of the leftovers was on her second helping and contemplating just going and laying down in the pan.  I followed this recipe pretty closely because, well, I didn't really have a clue what I was doing.  I'm sure I sound like a rank amateur right now, but this scared the shit out of me.   BUT, if you can read directions, and follow them closely, you can totally pull this off.  I readily admit that I threw myself a little coronation when I managed to pull off the sauce on the first try, but just go slowly and you can do it.  

What you need:


1 stick unsalted butter (4 ounces)
1/2 cup and 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 quart whole milk, at room temperature
Pinch fresh nutmeg
Sea salt and white pepper
1 cup grated fontina
1/2 pound thinly sliced prosciutto, julienned
1 pound dry rigatoni
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, diced

Remain calm:

Preheat the oven to 425.

Right now, go throw the fontina in the freezer so it is easier to grate.  ((Grating soft cheese is kind of annoying.  It gums up the grater, it gets stuck, and is a general pain in the ass.  Freezing it for about 15 minutes makes it a LOT easier.))  While that is cooling off a bit, julienne the proscuitto.  Proscuitto is, of course, the very thin, fancy ham.  ((That's the professional foodie definition.))  Separate the slices from the lining paper ((also frustrating)), pile it all together, and then cut through the pile with a very sharp knife in long, thin strips.  Repeatedly.  ((I nearly turned into a vegetarian during this process, I'm warning you.))  Pull all the little pieces apart.

Next, pull the fontina from the freezer and grate it, using a mandoline with a cheese blade if you value your skin.  Set it aside for the moment.



In a 2 quart saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat.  Keep an eye on it, meaning don't wander off and do something else because if it turns brown, you have to start over.  A stick of butter is a terrible thing to waste.

I hope you are rested up, because this is about to get slightly aerobic.  Add the flour to the butter and whisk until it is totally smooth, about 2 minutes.   ((I was whisking the hell out of it to get it so it wasn't lumpy.))  While continually stirring, gradually add the room temperature milk and continue to whisk until the sauce is smooth and creamy.  ((I have no clue what being room temperature has to do with it, but it was stressed a couple of times so I'm copying it.  I have to admit, I got a little squeamish about having nearly warm milk sitting on the counter.  But I figured Giada has never killed anyone that we are aware of, so go with it.))  Simmer until it is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon, meaning when you pull a spoon through it, the back has a layer on it that doesn't run off immediately.   This will take approximately 10 minutes.

Remove from heat and stir in the nutmeg, the grated fontina, and prosciutto and season with salt and white pepper. Set aside.

In a large pot, bring 6 quarts ((more or less)) of salted water to a boil. Add the rigatoni and cook for about 5 minutes. The pasta will be cooked a second time in the oven, so don't be concerned that is seems really not at all done.  Drain the pasta then return it to the pot and pour in the sauce. Using a wooden spoon, mix well until all the pasta is coated with the sauce.  ((Do I have to use a wooden spoon?  Yes.  Why?  I don't know, just do it.))

Grease a 9 x 13 baking dish and pour the the whole works in.   Smooth out top and sprinkle with remaining 1/2 cup fontina.  Scatter the additional butter that you diced on top and bake uncovered for 25 minutes or until it is bubbling and the top is golden brown.

This didn't photograph well, but trust me, it is rich and creamy and full of delicious.

Nutritional Info:  Seriously, don't ask.

*****

Busy, busy week around here...  2 private dinners, meeting with a doctor who is interested in partnering up to use my services and knowledge of chronic pain, food allergies, and fitness nutrition to help her patients, perhaps cooking for a grand opening Friday ((it may have to be pushed back)), filming a segment on Saturday, and getting ready for the brunch and trunk show I'm hosting on Sunday which requires a whole bunch of cooking, baking, canning, and hopefully, cleaning so I don't just do what I do now which is to apologize to everyone who walks in for how the floors look.   I know.  It's crazy.   Don't worry.  I've got it.

Italian Sausage-Sun-Dried Tomato Egg Bake/Quiche/Frittata/Casserole/Hot Dish/Something or Other

A recipe just in time for Easter Brunch!  Oh wait.  Whoops.  Okay, so I'm a day late and probably more than a dollar short...  however, this is more than timely for your Mother's Day brunch.  You have a whole month to practice, not that you will need it.  ((You know, someday, I will have my shit together enough to actually plan these things out.  Well, maybe.  Unless and until that happens, we are all just going to have to adapt.))

Anyway.  This breakfast/brunch dish is undoubtedly one of the most popular things I make.  I made it for the first time for a brunch party about a year ago and it essentially evaporated into thin air.  When I grabbed the pan to rinse it out, I got yelled at not to so that my lovely friend D could pick at the stuff left on the edges.  It is just that good.  It, however, does not photograph well.  Sorry.  You're just going to have to trust me and about 25 of my friends that I have made it for on various occasions.

I don't really know what to call it.  ((I referred to this previously and still don't have the answer.))  What I call it is Italian Sausage-Sun-Dried Tomato-Spinach Egg Bake.  I don't know that the term "egg bake" is used in any other part of the country than where I am from because I've drawn a lot of strange looks from people when I say it.  I don't think it is a quiche.  It might be a frittata?  A casserole?  A hot dish?  ((It doesn't get any more Midwestern than a hot dish!  What the fuck is a hot dish anyway?  There's no such thing as a "cold dish."  Well, I don't think so anyway.  Maybe there is.))  Semantics aside, this is really good and you should make it.

What you need to serve 6-8:


1 lb. Italian sausage ((you will find this in a tube-like thing by the bacon usually))
4 cups frozen hash-brown potatoes, thawed
4 oz. (1 cup) shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup fresh spinach
1/4 cup sliced marinated sun-dried tomatoes  ((you find these by the condiments, usually by the pickles))
4 oz. (1 cup) shredded mozzarella cheese
4 eggs
3/4 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon Salt
1/8 teaspoon Pepper
2 tablespoons shredded fresh Parmesan cheese

Before we move on, let me say that I ALWAYS double this.  Occasionally, I double it and put it into one large glass baking dish to make one monster one or you can make two smaller ones.  Up to you.

What to do:

Preheat the oven to 350.  Spray a glass baking dish with cooking spray.  ((You can use whatever size dish you want.  I say go big or go out to brunch.))

Brown the sausage in a large pan on the stove over medium-high heat.  You are going to want to continually keep crumbling it so it is in small pieces.  Uncooked sausage is disgusting.  Sorry.  I occasionally have used turkey sausage which makes this lower in fat and no one has ever known the difference.  Brown it until it is ... well... BROWN.  Meaning get the pink out of it.  Take it off the heat and drain off the excess fat.  ((Don't put grease/fat down your disposal or sink.  Trust me, the Queen of Kitchen Sink Problems on this.  Put it into an empty margarine container or something like that and then throw it away.  Your pipes can't take it.))

Mix together in a medium bowl the thawed hash browns and the cheddar cheese.  Take HALF of that and put it in the bottom of the baking dish.  Layer the cooked sausage on top of that.  ((All of it.))  Then layer on your sliced up sun-dried tomatoes and your torn-up spinach ((you could use frozen spinach that has been thawed but for the love of God, just use the fresh stuff-- just wash it well.  Spinach tends to be dirty.))  Regarding the tomatoes, these come packed in oil.  Drain them and then put them on a paper towel and blot them to get the excess oil off.  Then put the rest of the potato and cheddar on top of that.  The final layer at this stage is all the mozzarella cheese.  I'm not going to judge you if you use more than a cup.

((At this point you should probably say, "Excuse me, Jules, but this "egg bake" has a disturbing lack of eggs." Under your breath you will probably say,  "This idiot should call it a cheese bake.  Potato bake.  Not-enough-eggs bake."  Yeah, well, hold on, we are getting there, smart-ass.))  In a small bowl whisk together the eggs, milk and salt and pepper.  It is not going to look like very much, it's okay.  Pour that over your layered concoction and try to do it evenly.  Cover with foil and bake for an hour.

After an hour, uncover and spread on the Parmesan.  I actually laughed when I saw it said two tablespoons.  I usually use a handful.  Put it back in the oven and bake it UNcovered for another 15 minutes or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean and the edges are brown and bubbly.  ((Keep in mind that if you doubled it in one pan it is going to take longer, but NOT double the time.  You just need to check it every 5 minutes if you double it.))  Let stand for 5 or so minutes before cutting and serving.  It would be pretty if you put some parsley on top, but let's face it, at this point you're starving.

You can also make this the night before, refrigerate it, and then bake it the following morning...  This keeps amazingly well and is definitely better the second day.

*****

Let me say one thing about measurements with this kind of thing.  It really doesn't effing matter.  Use more cheese.  Use less.  Leave out the sausage.  Add more tomatoes.  Double the spinach.  Do whatever you feel like.  If you screw up and don't put the layers on in the listed order, who cares?  ((I did that...  I forgot to add the sausage and then put it on top of the second hash brown and cheese layer.))  It just doesn't matter.  Quit trying to be so damn perfect and just try something.  <---Might apply to the rest of your life outside the kitchen too.   #Endgrouptherapy.

Crockpot Chicken with Carrots and Cauliflower, Chalkboards, and Chores

Busy, busy day.  Most of it self-inflicted.  I knew given the pace I was keeping at 11 am that dinner was going to end up being microwave popcorn if I didn't act early.  I elected to fire up ye olde slow cooker to be sure that didn't happen.

Chicken, Carrots, Cauliflower, and C(P)otatoes.  I wanted them all to start with C. 

This is incredibly simple, but so, so good.

What you need:
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
4 potatoes, sliced
4 carrots, sliced
1/2 head of cauliflower, tree-ed ((you know what I mean))
1 red pepper, chopped
Steak seasoning
Parmesan

What you do:

Spray your slow cooker/crock pot with cooking spray.  Throw in the chicken first ((it can be frozen even)) and then add all the chopped veggies.  Sprinkle the top with steak seasoning.  Set it to high for 4 hours or low for 8 hours.  IT IS THAT EASY.  You don't even need to stir it.  When it is done, sprinkle a little Parmesan on top.

But what you get is incredibly healthy and flavorful with no butter, no sauce, no oil, and incredibly good.  This is forkable chicken, no knife required.  It also reheats really well.

 
Makes four servings.  Nutritional info:  Sainthood!  Approximately 320 calories, 2 grams of fat (not including the cheese on top.)

*****

So what was I so busy doing?  Work-work, 5 different errands, planning a vegan/vegetarian menu for a bachelorette brunch which was a bit of a challenge, but a fun one, finalizing stuff for the fundraiser on Saturday, making shopping lists, a bunch of chores, an hour of yoga, dealing with a bunch of crap mail and email, scoring/ordering another hundred dollars in free kitchen stuff for a grand total now of $900 in FREE stuff, and going off on a creative tangent.

I had the idea to make menu boards for these various events, but I wanted to use a chalkboard so I could reuse them, blah blah blah, uninteresting reasons, blah.  So I took off for the craft store with nothing more than a vague idea and put myself in the capable hands of someone who clearly doesn't read past a 4th grade level.  AWESOME.  Anyway, I left with things that I thought would fulfill my own amorphous ((I hope I'm using that right)) ideas, came back, did some spray painting, managed not to spray paint myself or the dogs, and they are done!  Apparently you have to wait 24 hours for them to "cure" which is of course, killing me.  I am not good at delayed gratification.  I'll post a picture tomorrow.  If this works, I'm a damn genius.  If not, it is the 4th grade reading ability girl's fault.

*****

There has been a lot of new traffic around here.  ((Waves vigorously at the new people!!))  Feel free to say hi...  Off to do some studying.     

Tuna Salad-Salad, Photo Failure, and OHMYGODIWANTTHATNOW

Last night I went out to make dinner for my mother and a couple of her friends.  I specifically decided upon making Chicken Parmesan so that I could a) test it out and b) take photos for this little corner of the internet.  Guess what I forgot to do?  Ugh, I suck at this.  It might have been that the three of them had been sitting at the table, perhaps pounding their forks in anticipation, for quite some time.  ((Just kidding.  Well, about the fork-pounding part.))  Or it could just be that I'm an airhead.  ANYWAY, it really did turn out well and I was so presumptuous about it being forkably-tender that I didn't put out any knives.  Total service fail.  I really need to pull it together.

Today, I am playing catch-up on about a million different projects and opted for a quick lunch.  It's Tuesday, which means we are still pretty much behaving on our diets, so this is a good option:  Tuna Salad-Salad.

 
Needed:

One package of tuna ((I buy the Albacore Starkist kind which is packed in water.  It costs a little more than the other stuff, but it is much better and doesn't look like cat food.  The stuff that is packed in oil is just gross and you should stop doing that.))
1 tablespoon fat-free mayo
1 tablespoon pickle relish
1/2 tablespoon dried minced onion
1/4 teaspoon celery seed
Black pepper
Lemon
Romaine
1/3 of a tomato
1 tablespoon of balsamic dressing ((I like Paul Newman's because I like Paul Newman.))
1 tablespoon or so of Parmesan cheese

What to do:

In a small bowl, mix together the tuna, mayo, relish, onion, and celery seed.  Crack a little black pepper on top and squeeze the lemon over it.  ((If I had regular celery, I would have chopped some up and put it in there but alas, no.  Life is hard sometimes.  If you were my mother, you would also add those shoestring potato fries.  I'm not against it, I just don't dare buy them or I will end up with my face stuck in the bottom of the can.))  Set the bowl aside for the moment.

Chop up the romaine and tomato, throw it on a plate, and then add the dressing.  Scoop your tuna salad on top, sprinkle on some Parmesan, and there you have it... Tuna Salad-Salad.

Yes, that was incredibly simple and probably totally useless knowledge.  However, I have committed to posting here every day and goddammit when I commit to something, I do it overzealously and with an unreasonable level of attachment.

*****

I am back to a million other things, but yesterday as I was running around working on the details of the dinner with less than an hour to spare, I posted on FB, "If I'm making chicken parm on spaghetti with garlic bread, what's for dessert?!"  Here is the best answer which we MUST try:

Profiteroles

Those. Look. Amazing.  And I don't even really like desserts.