Monday, July 16, 2012

Cake Batter Truffles, A Shot of Insulin, and Bourdainmania

Last week, I announced that I thought Tony Bourdain might be my spirit animal... After devouring his latest book, "Medium Raw," in less than 24 hours, I am now convinced that he is not just my spirit animal, but perhaps my long-lost ((and oddly enough at least 15 years old than I am)) twin ((science is funny stuff)) or at the very least, my soul mate ((which is tricky because I don't really believe in soul mates, but I don't know how to get across the depth of feeling I have for this person.))

This passage is when I knew our bond was true:  "...members of families who eat together regularly are statistically less likely to stick up liquor stores, blow up meth labs, give birth to crack babies, commit suicide, or make donkey porn."  YES.  A thousand times YES.

All hyperbole aside, it really is a stellar, funny book that is a bit of a gossipy, insider view into an elite foodie and traveller scene.  You should read it.  Now.  He talks shit about Emeril and a whole bunch of other famous people.  I love that.

Let's make something not terribly foodie like... Cake Batter Truffles.

What you need:

Recipe source: The Girl Who Ate Everything

1 ½ cups flour
1 cup yellow cake mix
½ cup unsalted butter, softened
½ cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/8 teaspoon salt
3-4 Tablespoons milk
2 Tablespoons sprinkles

Truffle Coating:
16 ounces ((8 squares)) almond bark ((or white candy melts))
4 Tablespoons yellow cake mix

Beat together the butter and sugar using an electric mixer until combined. Add the cake mix, flour, salt, and vanilla and mix thoroughly. Add 3 Tablespoons of milk ((or more if needed)) to make a dough-like consistency.  Roll dough into one-inch balls and place on a parchment or wax paper lined cookie sheet. Chill balls in the refrigerator for 15 minutes to firm  them up.

((Side note: come back tomorrow to see what search terms have led people here.  I've managed to use "donkey porn" already and now I'm on a personal mission to write "balls" as many times as possible.  Balls.))

While the dough balls are chilling, melt the almond bark in the microwave in 30 second intervals until melted. Stir in between intervals. Once melted, quickly stir in cake mix until incorporated completely. Using a fork, dip the balls into the almond bark.  Shake off the excess by tapping the bottom of the fork on the side of your bowl.  Do not become frustrated when you repeatedly drop the entire thing into the bowl. However, quit doing it the exact same way and being surprised when that keeps happening.  Place the truffle back on the cookie sheet and top with sprinkles. Repeat with remaining balls until finished.  ((Balls.))

Chill cake batter truffles in the refrigerator until serving. Makes around 24-30 truffles.

Use the leftover bark to dip some strawberries too.
These are SWEET.  I'm not kidding.  They are like scream your fillings out, beg for an insulin drip, smack my ass and call me Sally, sweet.  A little will go a long way.  See also:  If you see me bring these to some kid's birthday party, you can be assured I either hate the little bastard or the little bastard's parents and you can guarantee that I will not stay very long because the sugar rush that will occur is apt to throw the planets out of their orbits.