Thursday, March 15, 2012

Guinness, Cupcakes, and Well, Guinness Cupcakes

I was asked yesterday if I have any recipes for St. Patrick's Day.  I am pretending that I was not racially profiled based on the fact that I can get sunburned from a 40 watt bulb.  That's okay.  I wear SPF 1,000,000.  It sort of helps.  But not really.

The first thing that came to mind was corned beef and cabbage, but let's face it, most people are going to head right for the beer...  I was tempted to write up my green beer recipe which is very intricate.  It involves one beer and a few drops of green food coloring and then a long discussion about how the food coloring gets everywhere and generally creates a big Irish temper tantrum-worthy mess...  But let's go right for the Guinness, shall we?  We shall.  No playing around.

A lot of people, mainly chicks ((I can say that, I am one)), think Guinness is too strong.  Well, even if so, when added to chocolate, it is completely and totally and utterly and some other superlative YUM.

What you need:

1 12 oz bottle of Guinness Stout ((you may drink the rest of the bottles, you're welcome))
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3 large eggs
3/4 cup sour cream
3/4 cup unsweetened dark cocoa
2 cups sugar
2 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

What to do:


Preheat the oven to 350.

Prepare your muffin tins either by buttering them, spraying them with cooking spray, or using paper liners.  I prefer to butter them.  The easiest way to do it is to take a paper towel, drag it through the butter and then rub it around on the tin.  I'm not saying it's pretty, I'm saying that's how I like to do it.

In a large bowl, mix together all the wet stuff:  the Guinness, milk, oil, and vanilla and then beat in the eggs one at a time.  ((I have decided I am going to emphasize the egg beating in one at a time thingy each and every time.  If I weren't so lazy, I would google why this is important because all these recipes I read make a big deal out of it.  Consequently, so will I.  For no apparent reason.))  Finally, mix in the sour cream.

In a separate large bowl, mix together the dry stuff: cocoa, sugar, flour, and baking soda.

Gradually add the dry to the wet and combine well.

Scoop the batter into your muffin tins using a 1/4 cup measuring cup.  Fill them about 2/3's of the way full.

Bake for 25-30 minutes OR until they rise and are "set" in the middle, but not as hard as rocks.  ((Meaning, it shouldn't look like pudding any more.))

Let cool completely before removing from the tins or you will have a bunch of broken cupcakes and be really unhappy with yourself.

FROSTING!  ((The best part))

1 stick of SALTED butter at room temp
1 stick of UNSALTED butter at room temp ((this is low-cal, huh?))
1/2 cup shortening ((OhmyGod, sorry))
1 tablespoon vanilla extract ((it would be splendid if you had the clear kind, but if not, no biggie))
1 1/2 pounds powdered sugar
4 tablespoons of fricking cold milk.  Not just cold.  Fricking cold.

Cream the butters ((plural)) and the shortening in your mixer.  Add the vanilla and combine it well.  Add the sugar in small amounts and mix thoroughly after each addition.  ((You can try to add a whole bunch of it at once, but you will have a sugar explosion and one very, very sticky kitchen.))  Once all the sugar is in, start adding the milk, one tablespoon at a time until you get to the consistency you like.

Then pipe it on or use a knife.  It would make me happy if you added some chocolate sprinkles or MAYBE you shaved some dark chocolate on the top.  You could also do green sugar if you want to be sure your theme gets across, but I prefer to go for subtlety.  Obviously.  ((Is that how you spell that?  I'm so not subtle I can't even spell it.))  I also saw some pictures where the bottle tops were stuck in as toppers.  Seems dangerous what with all the drunk people around.

This makes 24 cupcakes and you may well have left-over frosting if you don't go batshit crazy decorating them.

Nutritional info?  Not going to talk about it with 2 sticks of butter and shortening in the frosting.  That's another rule.

This recipe is adapted somewhat from Dave Lieberman.  I confess, I did not make these today, but if I am able to tear myself away to get to the St P's party I'm invited to, I will bring them.  I made them a few years ago ((3? 4?)) and they were damn good.  Here's a picture posted by Ashley's Bakery ((ashleybsbakeshop)) which seems like a lovely place where they are way better at decorating than I am but maybe that URL could use some work.  Just saying.  

Happy Day When Everyone Is Suddenly Irish!


  1. Thats awesome! I want that! I want a Julia's Cupcakes Vending Machine in the Gallery - Amery B.

    1. I'm not sure we are capable of creating a vending machine, but I can certainly deliver!

  2. I couldn't stand it anymore and googled the "one at a time" rule. It was surprisingly hard to find a reason. One site said it is "to allow the creamed butter/sugar mixture to most effectively retain its trapped air." Maybe?

    1. Hmmm. I have no idea but I shall promote adherence to the rule VIGOROUSLY just to be obnoxious.

  3. These look so good. I was tempted to make Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes but decided it was too much work so I just drank an Irish Car Bomb. Those are excellent! And I'll make the Mayan Fudge cupcakes.