Monday, February 27, 2012

Meatballs, Meatballs, and More Meatballs

Meatballs.  ((Yes, at this point I am just begging for google analytics to do some weird stuff, I can't help myself.))  Not to blow my own horn ((I just made it worse, didn't I?)), but my meatballs are really popular.  At a poker party I hosted last year, my ravenous friends went through six pounds of them in about two hours.  AND there were only twenty-five people here.  In fact, my brother almost moved across the country because of these meatballs.  So, they are pretty good.  I have witnesses.

Here's what you need:

3 pounds of lean pork or beef ((I prefer a combination of half and half))
1/2 cup of Parmesan
2 large slightly beaten eggs
1 cup Italian breadcrumbs
4 tablespoons of minced garlic
4 teaspoons of salt ((can use less))
2 teaspoons of black pepper
1 cup of milk
2 teaspoons dried oregano
4 teaspoons dried parsley
1 bottle of marinara sauce

What you do:

Set a crock pot ((two words, unlike "crackpot" as we previously learned)) to low and pour in one jar of marinara sauce.  You can use whatever kind you like.  I use the cheapest kind possible because I like to make a separate batch to actually serve with the pasta.  Why?  I'm weird.  Well that and as the meatballs cook, fat comes out into the sauce.  Some people find that amazingly yummy, I find it too fatty for my taste.

Mix all of the other ingredients ((and this is important)) with your bare, preferably clean, hands in a large bowl.  Yes, this is disgusting.  No, there is no option.  Yes, you can do it.  You're fine.  PS. Take your ring off first.  Helpful hint.

Shape the meat into small-medium sized balls ((so many jokes, let's not go there.))  They should be around an inch to an inch and a half in diameter.

Layer them in the slow cooker very carefully, put the lid on, and then WALK THE HELL AWAY.  I'm not kidding.  Do not mess with them.  Do not lift the cover for at least two hours or you will eff up the cooking time. Even after the two hours, do not screw with them!  They don't need to be "stirred" or "rearranged."  They are fine.  Leave them alone.

After six hours on low, I will grant you permission to pull out the fattest one from the top layer and cut into it to check for "doneness."  In my opinion, they are done when there is no longer any pink left.  Some people disagree, but it's my recipe and I'll write it how I want to.  They may need as long as eight hours depending on your slow cooker, the size of your balls ((sorry)), and the temperature when they went in.

As noted, I usually double this recipe.  You can freeze some right after rolling them and they come out just fine.  These are *definitely* better the next day and according to my brother Jeff, are the absolute best when eaten out of of the refrigerator in the middle of the night.

These do not need to be pre-seared.  As long as you do not eff with them in the slow cooker, they will not fall apart.

This recipe is based on one in the United Methodist Women's Cookbook from Groton, South Dakota which was typewritten! sometime in the 1980's.  They sooo don't have a website or I would link it.


  1. Those look good and I will definitely have to try them. Do you serve them with pasta?

    1. I either serve them over spaghetti or else in sandwiches... However, most people just pile up a plate of them and eat them plain!

  2. For some reason, you reading anything with "Methodist" in the title made me laugh...sorry for the offense. I'll make it up to you when I'm back home sometime soon.

    ....I'm still giggling, by the way

    1. Given that my mother was the church organist, you can count the number of times I missed church in those years on one hand... And look, I turned out fine!! Ahem. Right.