The World's Easiest Fruit Dip, Go-To Turkey Feta Wraps, and Go-To Refrigerator Pasta

I wish I had some fantastic reason as to why I have been AWOL from these parts, but I just don't. While I have been making a few things, they are so terrifically uninspired that I chose not to bore you with them. ((Reasserts vow not to be one of those people who make a fried egg on toast and takes a picture of it. Double reasserts that would never eat a fried egg on toast anyway. Gross.))

Instead, I will give you the World's Easiest Fruit Dip recipe which is so ridiculously simple that it is almost laughable.  I made this for the Elopement Party with a berry salad over the weekend ((strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries)) which looked really pretty, but AGAIN, I failed to take a picture of.

From the gallery opening earlier this year

 What you need:

1 8 oz package of cream cheese, softened
1 jar of marshmallow fluff ((yep, you read that right))

What you do:

Bring the cream cheese to room temperature. Using your mixer, beat the living hell out of it until it is light and fluffy.  Using a rubber spatula, add the fluff to the bowl and then mix for about a minute or until it is smooth in consistency.  Done.

For a twist: Add shreds of pineapple to the dip. If you must, use the canned pineapple tidbits, and then sliver them down into tiny pieces, but be sure to drain out as much of the juice as possible so that you don't break down the consistency of the dip. I have also experimented with adding honey to this, but it is really, really, like hurts your face really, sweet. I'm sure there are tons of other modifications, so if you try something, let me know!

As pictured above, I thought I was all artistic and used a mini watermelon to serve it in.  I sliced off the very bottom to make a flat surface, cut it approximately in half, hollowed it out, and then froze it for about an hour so that it would stay intact and help keep the dip cold under the gallery lights. You are quite possibly more artistic than I am ((odds are good)) so you could carve a design into the top or do something fancy. If you do, I want to see a picture and hear about how many stitches you needed.

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Other stuff I made this week that I didn't deem blog-worthy but am now writing about anyway...

-My go-to quick lunch of a turkey wrap. Simple. Just microwave a tortilla with several slices of turkey on it under a paper towel for 30 seconds. Top with chopped romaine, caesar dressing, and feta crumbles. I eat this more than anyone really should.

-My go-to quick dinner of refrigerator pasta salad. Some kind of pasta, a little balsamic and olive oil, with basil, tomato and pine nuts.

I warned you it was uninspired!  ((My resolve to not buy groceries prior to departure is a part of this malaise. I'm not sure my refrigerator has been this bare in over a year. It's kind of sad.))

*****

All right, I need to finish another freelance article that is due tonight. Happy First Day of Summer!

Tahini Salad Dressing, Creative Party Ideas, and Why Did I Ever Start This 3 Grouping for the Titles?

Today has been spent getting ready for a small post-elopement/wedding reception... They had a really unique idea: a build your own salad for the main course. For the bed, we put together romaine and baby lettuce/radicchio/arugula/spring greens. Then we had 15 or so different toppings so that the guests could make almost anything they wanted: grilled chicken in a mesquite marinade, chili lime grilled shrimp, genoa salami, cheddar, feta, bleu cheese, parmesan, goat cheese, cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, black olives, bacon crumbles, dried cranberries, toasted almonds, candied walnuts, asiago cheese croutons, and wonton strips.  For dressings, I made balsamic vinaigrette and a tahini dressing.  Needless to say, I have grated, chopped, and crumbled my face off today.  ((We also did brie with kalamatas, ciabatta bread, a mixed berry salad of strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries with a fruit dip, and the caprese salad skewers which I always say I am never making again and then always do.))  Anyway, I think their salad bar idea is a good one. If I can keep my wits about me, I will remember to suggest that in the future.

Tahini salad dressing is a good non-dairy alternative that you can make in about 5 minutes.  ((Seriously, if you are still buying salad dressing, I don't know what to do with you. It is so easy to make, tastes so much better, and isn't full of chemicals and crap.))  What the hell is tahini you say? Tahini is to sesame seeds as peanut butter is to peanuts. That's about the best way I can describe it. You can find it in urban grocery stores or in health food stores, probably by the organics.  Don't be scared, it's delicious. Trader Joe's sells a tahini style dressing under the label "Goddess." No, I don't know why and I'm too lazy to google it at the moment.

Picture from diaryofamadwoman.com because I am a total fail when it comes to stopping to take pictures when I have multiple projects going and her's is prettier anyway and this is a really long sentence, huh?

What you need:


1/2 cup tahini
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt
3 cloves garlic
1 clove grated ginger
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp dried parsley
1 tbsp sugar
1/2 cup olive oil

What to do:

Put everything BUT the oil in a blender or a food processor and pulse until it is smooth and creamy in consistency.  Slowly start adding the olive oil and continue pulsing until it is combined.

This dressing is a little thick.  You can add more water to thin it out if so desired.  As written, this makes about 2 cups and will keep in the fridge in a sealed container for at least a couple of weeks.

*****

I'm going to go put my feet up and do nothing for a while!  Happy Father's Day if that is your kind of thing.  

Sangria, Shows, and Sugar Highs

The brunch and trunk show can be deemed a success!  I think I had about 30 people here for brunch and some day-drinking by the pool while shopping.  As previously mentioned, I had gone on a massive bake-a-thon to sell baked goods and promote my new venture; Tammi brought jars of preserves, apple butter, and some of her crocheted items; Allie brought her Elodee headbands and hair clips; and Brandi had jewelry.  Everyone thought it was a great idea and a good way to get together.  I will definitely be doing it again.

*****

It is HOT.  I think we hit 105 today.  You know what that means:  It is officially pool time in Arizona.  While I understand the allure of a cold beer by the pool, sometimes you need something a little fancier.  Today, I made white wine sangria.

Previously described as summer in a glass...  Also pictured, fresh limeade.

What you need:

One LARGE bottle of white wine
Diet Gingerale
Various Fruits  ((suggestions:  orange, lime, strawberries, grapefruit))

How to:

When shopping, look for the biggest and probably the cheapest bottle of white wine you can find.  I found Barefoot Pinot Grigio in a 1.5 liter bottle for 7 bucks so I went with that.

The night prior, pour the wine into a glass pitcher.  If you are using a normal person sized bottle, it will only fill one pitcher about halfway and you will really feel ripped off.  I split the 1.5 liter into two separate pitchers.

Cut up various kinds of fruit.  You can really use anything that you have.  In the pic above, I used oranges, limes, frozen raspberries, and strawberries.  For today ((pictured below)), I used oranges, strawberries, lemon, and kiwi.   ((I intended to throw in some mango, but they were past their prime.))

Take the fruit and squeeze the living bejeezus of it into the pitcher.  You can also take a wooden spoon and smash the hell out of it in the pitcher as well.  This will not result in the prettiest presentation though.  If you want it to look more "polished" or something ((I can't come up with a better word)) don't smash it, just throw it in.  Refrigerate overnight, covering the top of the pitcher with a piece of saran wrap.  I usually secure it on with a rubber band as well since for some reason saran wrap doesn't always seal that tightly.

The following day, fill the pitcher the rest of the way with diet gingerale.  Give it a few stirs and add a few handfuls of ice.  Done!  Some people add more sugar to it, but I think that is completely unnecessary.  We are sugary enough.  I'm drawing the line.  

Here's a kind of crappy picture that I took today:

Both of these pitchers disappeared within about an hour, so I'm going to assume they were good!  ((I personally was into the strawberry vodka lemonade which was also really fracking good.))

*****

Okay kiddos.  It is time to get serious.  I have 60 days to pull my act together so here we go: CLEAN LIVING.  No more risottos.  No more cheesecake.  No more sugar bombs.  Oh who am I kidding?  I'll still be making that stuff for other people, so there will still be some treats around here.  BUT, you can also expect more healthy, yet still interesting and flavorful recipes.  In the mean time, cheers!

 

Beef Enchiladas, Mean Girls, and More Paula

The beef enchiladas were also a big hit at the event I catered last night.  That sounds so official!  Oh wait.  I feel a tangent coming on...  I cannot even say how much I enjoyed doing this party.  I CANNOT get over the fact that people will pay me to go shopping ((my second favorite thing)) and cook stuff for them ((my favorite thing)) and then tell me how awesome it all is ((ALL RIGHT, yes, that is my overall favorite thing ever.))  What a great country.  However, I have to say, if someone with a crystal ball had told me three years ago that people would pay me to cook for them and I would love it, I would have asked if it was a contest for who can mess up a Lean Cuisine the most impressively.  Seriously.  I was tragic.  <End tangent.>

In trolling the internet for sugar daddies enchilada recipes, I saw two words which made me stop in my tracks.  Paula. Deen.  I simultaneously love her and loathe her.  I find her incredibly annoying, I have strong opinions ((shocking, I know)) on her cooking techniques and her undisclosed for two years diabetes, and yet, I can't quit her.  The original recipe was in her magazine and I have slightly modified it.  

Oh Paula.  

What you need:

2 tablespoons butter ((duh, Paula, duh))

1 large onion, chopped

3 garlic cloves, minced

1 lb super-lean ground beef

1 tablespoon chili powder

1/2 tablespoon crushed red pepper

1 teaspoon kosher salt

2 cans cream of chicken soup

4 roasted and diced green chiles ((or one can))

18 corn tortillas

2 10 ounce cans of red enchilada sauce  ((I used Trader Joe's))

1 16 ounce can of refried beans

4 cups monterey jack cheese, shredded

What to do:

Start by melting the butter in a saute pan, then add the onion and the garlic.   Cook them for about 5 minutes or until the onion is translucent and soft.  Add the beef, chili powder, and crushed red pepper and brown the beef, breaking it up as small as you can as you go.  

Technically, I suppose you should drain the beef at this point, but if you use a super-lean type, it probably won't be necessary.  I just tilted the pan so any fattiness would run to the side and used a baster to get it out.  There was very, very little and I probably didn't need to worry about it.  

Transfer the beef to a large bowl and stir in the two cans of soup and the green chiles.  ((I discussed roasting green chiles in the previous post.  DO IT.  It is so worth it.))  The original recipe called for chicken verde soup, but I couldn't find anything that even remotely resembled that, so I just used cream of chicken.  Cream of mushroom would probably work well and I seriously considered using that nacho cheese soup that I loved when I was about 9 years old.  I'm definitely doing that next time.  This was perfectly good, but why not have more cheese?  ((Says the woman with lactose intolerance.  Brilliant.))  

Spray an 11 x 17 pan with cooking spray and then layer 6 corn tortillas in the bottom.  

In a medium bowl, stir together the refried beans and one can of the enchilada sauce.  

Spread the bean mixture over the tortillas.  Sprinkle on one cup of the cheese.  Add another layer of six tortillas.  Cover that with the beef mixture.   ((Beef mixture sounds gross.  Sorry.))  Cover that with another cup of the cheese and then add another 6 corn tortillas.  Dump the entire remaining can of enchilada sauce on top and then sprinkle on the two remaining cups of cheese.  

Bake it uncovered at 350 for 30 minutes or until it is hot and bubbly.  

Allegedly, you can make this ahead and freeze it too.  

*****

In honor of all things Mean Girls...

I'd be more of a Paula convert if she swore a lot.  

*****

I suspect the sides are coming up next!  Or they may not.  I can't be boxed in.  Not without serious physical injury.  

Green Chile Chicken Enchiladas, Lazy Susans, and Mexican Groceries

What a weekend!  My birthday was fantastic, thanks for asking.  I had a lovely happy hour at Durant's and then ventured on to meet up with a friend in Tempe that may or may not have resulted in us being asked in the kindest and mildest version of Cantonese to "hurry up and get the hell out."  ((At least that's what I got from what the 5'1 man was yelling.  It turns out lazy Susan's in the middle of the table are not there for sport.  Whoops.))  Friday was dedicated to shopping for the event I cooked for on Saturday and doing a few of the make-ahead style dishes prior to venturing out to a concert.  Saturday was sixteen glorious hours on my feet and I loved every minute of it.

The menu ((which I got to plan)) for my lovely friend Kristina's housewarming consisted of charred salsa, tomatillo salsa, guacamole, deviled crab dip ((with one full pound of crab claw)), gazpacho, green chile chicken enchiladas, beef enchiladas, Spanish rice, green chile corn muffins with honey butter, and Mayan fudge cupcakes with chocolate-cinnamon buttercream frosting.  Within two hours, there were nothing but crumbs and empty platters spinning on the counter remaining.  Everything was a big hit.

The enchiladas were undoubtedly the most popular ((although 8 dozen cupcakes disappeared quite handily too.))  I made double batches of both and probably could have made a triple or a quad.  Next time.

Green Chile Sour Cream Chicken Verde Enchiladas and Beef Enchiladas

Let's start with the Green Chile Chicken ones, shall we?  This is from a recipe I found on Allrecipes which is a really solid site.  I modified it very slightly just to be contrary.  I'll give the proportions for a single batch.  I'm sure you are better at doing math to double it than I am.

What you need:

3-4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts or rotisserie chicken

1/2 teaspoon of ground cumin

6 tablespoons of fresh cilantro

1 15 oz can of black beans, drained and rinsed

4 green chiles roasted and diced ((or you can use one can if you must))

1 10 oz can of green enchilada sauce

12 6-inch corn tortillas

2 cups of shredded Mexican cheese  ((or more))

1 8 oz container of sour cream

What you do:

Start with the chicken.  You have options.  The best way to do this would be to throw 3-4 chicken breasts in a slow cooker with just a little bit of cumin and maybe a small amount of the enchilada sauce and green chiles for several hours so that you can shred them.  ((Shredding is easy.  Just take 2 forks and start pulling the meat apart.))  The second best way is to put your chicken breasts into a saute pan with a little bit of olive oil and the cumin until they are cooked through.  Remove to a cutting board and slice them into smallish pieces.  ((That's what I did.))   Or you could get a rotisserie chicken from the market and use that.  Whatever floats your boat.  

Whatever you use, once your chicken is cooked and either diced/shredded, move it to a medium bowl and add the cilantro, black beans, and green chiles.   Mix it around to combine. 

((Roasting green chiles is really easy and it smells DIVINE.  I simply throw them on the grill once it is really effing hot.  Let the skins get black and blistery and bubbly on all sides.  Remove them to a plate, throw a dish towel over it, and walk away for ten minutes.  When you come back, the skins will be easy to remove just by pinching them.))  

Take an 11x17 baking dish and spread in about half a can of the enchilada sauce.  ((To pick a good sauce, go to the ethnic foods aisle at the supermarket or to a Mexican grocery store if possible ((much, much easier for those of you in the Southwest)) and pick the can that has the most words in a language you maybe only moderately understand.  That's my strategy and it worked.))   Layer 6 of the corn tortillas over the sauce, overlapping them and attempting to get them up the sides of the dish by "glueing" them with the sauce.  Spoon half of the chicken mixture over the tortillas, then add half the cheese, and half the sour cream.  Dump on the rest of the sauce, add another layer of 6 tortillas and the rest of your chicken mixture.  

Cover with foil and bake at 375 for about 30-40 minutes.  Then remove the foil, add the rest of the cheese and dot sour cream all over the top and bake uncovered for an additional 10 minutes until the cheese is bubbly and the sour cream is melty.  Let it stand for 10 minutes prior to serving and garnish with more fresh cilantro.  

  

Nutritional info:  ((assuming this is 8 servings))  Time for the elliptical.  Approximately 375 calories and 24 grams of fat.  It could certainly be reduced by using fat free cheese and fat free sour cream although that just doesn't sound as fun.

*****

I'll be back after bit with the info for the beef enchiladas and maybe a few other items.  As always, thanks for reading along and sharing.    

Black-Eyed Pea Salsa, "Highly Very," and That Guy "Unknown" Says Some Good Stuff

This has been a highly, very good week.  ((There's a story that goes with the expression "highly very."  A good friend of ours about a thousand years ago or maybe closer to 2003 came back to our table at the restaurant and asked with the utmost sincerity, "Is the waitress highly in love me, very in love with me or highly, very in love with me?"  The phrase "highly very" has stuck.))  Regardless, this week has highly, very kicked ass.  Take it my word for it.

*****

It's going to be a big cooking weekend around here.  Tomorrow, I'm cooking for a housewarming party and I've been having probably more fun than should be allowed getting ready for it.  The menu consists of deviled crab dip and black-eyed pea salsa for the appetizers; the main course is jambalaya, cajun pulled pork, dirty rice, creole baked beans, and spicy corn muffins with honey butter; dessert is brandied brown sugar bread pudding.   The host had me design the menu around his ((totally not obvious from this description)) theme and loved all of the ideas, so I got to choose.  Win, win. 

Today I made the black-eyed pea salsa so that it can all marinate together overnight and be extra marinated-y.  ((No, I don't have a better ending to that sentence.))  Living in Arizona, we are at constant high salsa saturation levels and I thought an alternative to the regular tomato, pico de gallo, and tomatillo/verde salsa would be welcome.   

What you need:  ((to serve approximately 20))

2 lbs of black-eyed peas ((pre-soaked and rinsed))

6 medium tomatoes

1 chopped green pepper

1 cup chopped red onion

4 chopped green onions

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 cup Italian salad dressing

1/4 cup sour cream 

1/2 cup minced parsley

tortilla chips for serving

What to do:

Okay, news flash.  Black-eyed peas are not peas.  They are beans.  You would be surprised how many well-educated adults do not know this.  So you are going to find them by the bulk beans in the market.  ((You could theoretically buy the canned stuff, but where is the fun in that?))

Beans need to be soaked.  I used a quick-soak method because I lack patience, but I'm hurrying up and trying to work on that.  Basically, you rinse the beans thoroughly in a mesh colander.  Pick through them, practically one by one, to be sure there aren't any stones.  Add them to a large stock pot and add the amount of water that the bag prescribes, I used 8 cups.  Bring the pot to a rapid boil, let it go crazy for two minutes, then cover, and remove from the heat.  Let them sit for one hour.  Re-rinse them and you're good.

Dice up all of the vegetables.  Take note that if you are using a knife that has never been used before that it will be exceptionally sharp, make you realize how much your other knives suck, and might make you suffer from knife envy.   Add  your vegetables to a bowl with the drained and rinsed beans.  In a small bowl, combine the salad dressing and the sour cream and whisk it until you get a cramp.  Dump it on top of the bean/veg mixture, put a lid on it, and shake the living hell out of it until everything is well-coated.  Throw it in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours, but overnight is much better.  

Nutritional Info:  Not too shabby.  75 calories, 5 grams of fat for a 1/4 cup serving.  

Recipe adapted slightly from Taste of Home.

*****

I better get moving...  I have a massive amount of stuff going on in the next 3 days.  No complaints.  None at all.

Sausage and Roasted Peppers, Crock Pot v. Crackpot, and the Out of the Box Challenge

Last night I attended a wine pairing dinner where each of us were assigned to create a dish to pair with a specific wine.  Wellllll, as per usual, some people dropped out at the last minute and a couple of us were recruited to make another dish.   I decided to make sausage with roasted peppers, mainly because I had a pepper excess and hadn't figured out what to do with them.  

This is really so exceptionally easy that it is kind of embarrassing.  Luckily, I have no shame.  I originally found this recipe/idea in one of those little magazines that they have in the supermarket check-out lanes in like 1996.  ((God, I am old.))  I happen to be certain of this date because there is a picture of it from a really bizarre Fourth of July party that year which involved a "March of the Sacred Pencil."  And there was no alcohol involved.  Seriously.  There might have been a Zima now that I think about it.  I still like Zima.  Shutit.    

The original recipe has long since disappeared and I have modified it over the years.  Last night's version is undoubtedly the healthiest incarnation yet, which was totally necessary to offset the TEN THOUSAND FRICKIN CALORIE ((Yes, I'm still yelling about that)) risotto.

What you need:

4 bell peppers ((various colors, sliced))

1 onion, chopped

2 cups of fresh green beans

2 packages of turkey sausage/kielbasa ((pre-cooked))

1 tablespoon garlic powder

Salt and pepper

((I know, right?  Why are we even doing this?  Because people went ape-shit for it.  That's why.))

What you do:

Slice up everything:  the peppers, the onion, and the sausage.  Admire how pretty the peppers are.  See?

Just lovely.

Throw in pan.  Sprinkle with garlic powder and add salt and pepper.  Figure out how you want to "cook" it.

Pre-"cook"ing

You can make a foil packet for it ((spray the foil with some olive oil cooking spray)) and put it on the grill.  You can throw it in a baking pan ((uncovered)) in your oven set at 350 for about 30-40 minutes.  You can put it under the broiler and let everything get good and broil-y.  ((Just watch it carefully so you don't get charred beyond all recognition peppers...  No, I have never done that!))  You can put it in a crock pot and let it slow cook for several hours.  Because the sausage is pre-cooked, you don't have to worry about it, you are just getting the peppers to soften.  But don't turn them to mush!  You want them tender-crisp, which is a ridiculous phrase, but means they are soft, but still have a little bite to them.  That wasn't very clear, was it?  Um, you want them softened up but not to lose their basic form.  ((That's a little better.  Gah.))

This time, I put it in the oven for about 40 minutes and then put it in a crock pot set to warm to transport it.  I actually think the slow cooker helped the flavors meld together more.  Do a combo.  Be a rebel.

((Side note:  I just learned that "crock pot" is two words while "crackpot" is one.  Learning is fun.))

WARNING:  This smells utterly divine.  There will be drooling...  by the humans and any resident canines.  People will love it and ask you for the recipe and you will also be embarrassed at how easy it is. Be secretive and make them think it is really hard.  

Nutritional Info:  Sainthood!  I entered the recipe into my fancy nutritional calculator and set it for 12 servings...  Calories:  120, Fat: 4 grams.  When set for 8 servings it is still only 175 calories and 6 grams of fat.    

*****

Tomorrow I am beginning my "No Food from a Box or a Can Challenge."  Two reasons:  the kitchen has been taken over by produce and to see how a solid week of clean eating affects me.  I already eat overwhelmingly clean, but this should up the ante considerably.  This could be a total disaster, but should be good blog fodder.  We shall see.  Bye Nature Valley Dark Chocolate Granola Bars.  I will miss you.  Good thing I had like four yesterday. 

Antipasto Salad (aka The World's Most Fattening Non-Salad Salad)

Antipasto salad is one of those things that is easy to throw together, but still looks pretty impressive.  It's perfect for potlucks, picnics, or parties.  Sorry, I was just going for alliteration there.  It is definitely NOT low-calorie, but that's okay.  Just this once.  Ahem.

Meaty Non-Salad Salad

Although I must admit, when I made this salad the first time, I announced on Facebook, "This salad is pissing me off."  I no longer remember exactly why I said that...  Granted, I say a lot of dumb stuff.  I admit that freely.  I believe there are a few hundred witnesses who would attest to that as well.  See also:  My memory sucks.

Here's what you need:
-1 24 oz jar of pepperoncinis, drained
-1 15 oz can of garbanzo beans OR chickpeas, drained and rinsed
-2 cups halved, fresh mushrooms
-2 cups halved cherry tomatoes
-1/2 lb of provolone cheese, cubed
-1 6 oz can of pitted black olives, drained
-1 3.5 oz package of pepperoni slices
-1 3.5 oz package of salami, sliced
-1 bottle of Italian vinaigrette dressing (or you can make your own and you know, why not?)

Here's what you do:
1.  Throw all of the above in a bowl.
2.  Toss it around.
3.  Cover and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, but longer is better.  (TWSS.  Sorry.  No, I'm not.)
4.  That's it!

If you are feeling ambitious and want to make your own dressing mix 1 1/2 c evoo (extra virgin olive oil), 1/2 c white wine vinegar, 1 tsp minced garlic, 1 tsp oregano, 2 tbsp dried parsley, and *some* salt and pepper in a blender for 10 seconds.  Allow to sit for approximately 30 minutes, rewhisk, and dump it on.

This makes enough to easily serve 14-16 and makes for great leftovers.  Hopefully, you won't be as inexplicably pissed off as I was the first time I made it.  Or if you are, leave me a comment as to why and maybe it will prompt my memory.