Tahini Salad Dressing, Creative Party Ideas, and Why Did I Ever Start This 3 Grouping for the Titles?

Today has been spent getting ready for a small post-elopement/wedding reception... They had a really unique idea: a build your own salad for the main course. For the bed, we put together romaine and baby lettuce/radicchio/arugula/spring greens. Then we had 15 or so different toppings so that the guests could make almost anything they wanted: grilled chicken in a mesquite marinade, chili lime grilled shrimp, genoa salami, cheddar, feta, bleu cheese, parmesan, goat cheese, cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, black olives, bacon crumbles, dried cranberries, toasted almonds, candied walnuts, asiago cheese croutons, and wonton strips.  For dressings, I made balsamic vinaigrette and a tahini dressing.  Needless to say, I have grated, chopped, and crumbled my face off today.  ((We also did brie with kalamatas, ciabatta bread, a mixed berry salad of strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries with a fruit dip, and the caprese salad skewers which I always say I am never making again and then always do.))  Anyway, I think their salad bar idea is a good one. If I can keep my wits about me, I will remember to suggest that in the future.

Tahini salad dressing is a good non-dairy alternative that you can make in about 5 minutes.  ((Seriously, if you are still buying salad dressing, I don't know what to do with you. It is so easy to make, tastes so much better, and isn't full of chemicals and crap.))  What the hell is tahini you say? Tahini is to sesame seeds as peanut butter is to peanuts. That's about the best way I can describe it. You can find it in urban grocery stores or in health food stores, probably by the organics.  Don't be scared, it's delicious. Trader Joe's sells a tahini style dressing under the label "Goddess." No, I don't know why and I'm too lazy to google it at the moment.

Picture from diaryofamadwoman.com because I am a total fail when it comes to stopping to take pictures when I have multiple projects going and her's is prettier anyway and this is a really long sentence, huh?

What you need:


1/2 cup tahini
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt
3 cloves garlic
1 clove grated ginger
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp dried parsley
1 tbsp sugar
1/2 cup olive oil

What to do:

Put everything BUT the oil in a blender or a food processor and pulse until it is smooth and creamy in consistency.  Slowly start adding the olive oil and continue pulsing until it is combined.

This dressing is a little thick.  You can add more water to thin it out if so desired.  As written, this makes about 2 cups and will keep in the fridge in a sealed container for at least a couple of weeks.

*****

I'm going to go put my feet up and do nothing for a while!  Happy Father's Day if that is your kind of thing.  

Quinoa Herbed Crab Salad, Mission: Perishable, and TGIF

I'm officially onto Mission: Eat All the Perishables before my epic trip of a lifetime ((quasi-redundant, don't care)) next week.  I suppose that isn't being terribly gracious to my house-sitter who will be here full time who is also an amateur boxer who adores my chow ((yes, that might be code for don't fuck with me in my absence)), but I'm guessing he doesn't eat a whole lot of bok choy anyway.  So, to that end, let's clean some more stuff out of the refrigerator into a crab quinoa salad.

  My original idea was to make something like crab salad that is typically served either on a croissant or stuffed into a bell pepper, but without the creamy, fatty goodness.  Mission accomplished.

What you need for 4 servings:

One cup of quinoa ((cooked according to package directions))

8 oz crab meat 

4 stalks of celery, chopped,

4 green onions, chopped

Fresh thyme 

Fresh basil

1 squeeze of lemon

1 tablespoon EVOO

Salt and pepper

Parmesan

What to do:

Rinse the quinoa thoroughly prior to cooking to remove the bitter coating.  ((FYI, Costco--the second circle of hell-- had a huge bag of quinoa when I was there a couple of weeks ago.  Target has been selling a small bag for 8 bucks.  This was at least 4 times the size, but not too big to store easily--I think 32 oz-- for about 14.  You're welcome.))  Cook according to the package instructions.

Chop the celery, onions, and herbs.  ((If I had red pepper, I would have put a little of that in as well.))  

For the crab meat, for the love of carbs, do not use that fake, imitation shit.  I won't be terribly offended if you use canned stuff, but just not that whitefish that they paint the edges pink.  That is disgusting.  We aren't going to be loading this up with dressing, so you want the actual ingredients to actually taste like something.  

Mix everything together with the olive oil and add a big old squeeze of lemon.  Refrigerate for at least an hour, preferably longer and re-stir prior to serving.  Top with a little bit of parmesan, because, why not?

This was just fine all on it's own ((I ate the leftovers right out of the tupperware for lunch the next day)),  but would be good on a bed of lettuce, stuffed in a red pepper, or in a pita.

  

Nutritional Info:  Approximately 300 calories, 5 grams of fat per serving.  ((Let me give a disclaimer.  I haven't been running these all through my ingredient calorie calculator.  For one thing, I usually don't name brands and the amounts used really vary.  My idea of "top with parmesan" is pretty light as you can see.  Yours is likely way different.  I also don't actually measure anything unless I am baking.  However, my estimations are pretty damn close.))

*****

This week has been kind of a bitch.  I'm not really sure why, other than that I had an extremely unpleasant task Thursday morning which really reaffirmed a lot of things in my mind.  But, it is going to be a great weekend... drinks with friends tonight, giving a cooking class Saturday afternoon, and cooking for a small-ish party Sunday evening.   Happy Friday!

Italian Kale Pasta Salad and a Declaration

It's hot. 108 degrees hot. The kind of hot where your eyeballs want to catch fire and you can't touch the steering wheel without potholders. It is definitely too hot to contemplate anything that involves an oven. Boiling water is actually the limit at the moment. So how about a make-ahead/stash in the fridge pasta salad?

What you need for 4 servings:

1 cup of pasta ((I used gemelli, but basically any kind will do))
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 bunch of kale, destemmed and shredded
1 cup of cherry tomatoes, halved
1/4 cup of pine nuts
2 tablespoons ((or so)) of Italian dressing ((I used Trader Joe's))
Salt and pepper
Parmesan

Cook:

Bring the water for the pasta to a boil and cook pasta according to package directions.

Spray a large-ish saute pan with cooking spray and add the garlic. Allow to cook until fragrant over a medium heat, about 4 minutes. Add the torn-up kale ((mine totally could have been torn more but I was multi-tasking)) to the pan with either a splash of water or a little chicken broth. Add a little salt and pepper. Cover and allow to steam until bright green... about 5 minutes on a medium setting.  Remove from heat and set aside.

When the pasta is done, put it in a colander and run under cold water ((or as close to cold as you can get. Tap water in AZ this time of year is still hot.))  Shake it thoroughly to remove as much of the water as you can and throw it in a large glass bowl.  Add the kale, tomatoes, pine nuts and the dressing, and toss. ((If you think it needs more dressing, that's fine by me. You won't hurt my feelings.)) Top with some Parmesan, cover, and refrigerate for at least an hour.

Nutritional Info: Under 250 calories per serving. WIN.

Again, this is one of those things you can add a lot of different things to. Artichoke hearts would be a very worthy addition, but either I am out or I didn't dig far enough in the pantry.

*****

Official Declaration: Today I am going to get my shit together. I've been pulled in about a hundred different directions and have the sense that I am not doing anything very well. ((I did confess this to someone over the weekend and was told that I was being ridiculous and that wasn't the case but that's how I feel, so there.)) Enough. So, by way of accountability, today I am going to submit the freelance stuff, schedule the final certification testing and hope my memory still works as well as it used to, and deal with a couple of annoying follow-up things that I have been neglecting. So be it. <<Magic wand waves.>>

Grilled Cheese for Grown-Ups, Linkage, and Being Banned

There is a wild and nasty rumor flying around Twitter and the Blogosphere that today is National Grilled Cheese Day. Now THIS is a valid and worthy commemoration befitting the Founders' spirit of a national holiday. It seems like everyone should get the day off or something in observance. Go home now. I'm closing the banks. Oh wait, my delusions of grandeur are showing again.

Plain grilled cheese sandwiches are definitely good and obviously have their place... But let's grow it up a little. Jules' Grown-Up Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

Grilled Cheese for Grown-Ups

What you need per sandwich:

2 slices of multi-grain bread
2 tablespoons of butter
1 tablespoon of pesto
4 slices of mozzarella cheese
2 slices of tomato ((I actually used cherry tomatoes cut into slices))
4 leaves of basil

Grill them up:

Start by pre-heating your pan of choice without spraying anything on it over a medium heat.  I have a sandwich press that I like.  It seals the edges and the sandwiches look nice, but it is a total bitch to clean because the plates aren't removable.  You can also use a grill pan with a press if you have one of those ((I'll put a link at the bottom if you decide you need one and I know you probably do)) or you can always just use a frying pan and smash the damn thing the old fashioned way.

Butter the two slices of bread on one slide.  Flip one piece over and "butter" it with the pesto.  ((My name is Jules and I'm a pesto-holic.  I seriously love that shit.)) Layer that side with the tomatoes, the basil, and then put the mozzarella on top.  Quick tip: slice your tomatoes as thinly as you can so that they actually warm up.  I hate it when there is cold crap inside a hot sandwich.  That might just be me though.

Carefully transfer that piece of bread to the pan.  ((Hopefully the mozzarella on top will keep you from spilling the contents.)) Grab the other slice and put it butter side up ((I don't know how elementary some of y'all might be.))  Smash it.  You can use the grill press if you have that, a smaller pan, or even a spatula.  But seriously, smash it down.

Let it cook for a couple of minutes, or just until when you peek at the bottom side, it is getting golden brown.  Flip it ONCE and toast the other side.  The cheese should be melty in another two minutes.

Cut it diagonally because that is the correct way to slice sandwiches.  If you do it up and down into "halves" I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

Melty Mozzarella

Nutritional Info:  Let's call it about 400 calories, but this will depend on the type of bread and the amount of butter, pesto, and cheese you use.  Not the lightest thing in the world, but that's okay.

 *****

In other news, my margarita chicken recipe was linked on Healthy Living Blogs' Wednesday Barbecue Recipes.   Some of the other recipes look good too.  Check them out.

In an act of shameless self promotion, if you are looking for a grill press or any other kitchen-type stuff, contribute to my pesto fund by shopping here, would ya? I started doing this primarily to earn free kitchen stuff for my ventures. To date, I have earned over $1,200 in free stuff, so help a girl out. Cookware is expensive.

What else? We managed to get temporarily suspended on Twitter which I found hilarious. I suppose most people wouldn't think so but I thought it was awesome. You can follow me to see if I manage to do it again... The sidebar should have a link. Username is @julia_steele. In further shameless self-promotion, you can always "share" these posts on social networking sites using the buttons below too. Please and thank you and have a lovely day.

I think that's all for today. I'm entering a fiction contest and I can't wait to get to work on it before I need to redirect my attention to the private cooking lesson I'm giving this Saturday and to the party I'm doing on Sunday evening. GOOD TIMES. My "work" is better than your work.

Roasted Cherry Tomatoes with Balsamic and Basil, The Best Surprise EVER, and 6,000

I have been blatantly manipulated and lied to.  For months.  By my mother. ((Referred to around this place as Deb.))  And today I got the shock of a lifetime.  This:

That would be her grand piano that was forced to be abandoned in South Dakota a few years ago when she moved to Arizona.  The crazy broad ((HI DEB)) secretly had it shipped here over the past few months.  It apparently took quite the journey: South Dakota, Oregon, Washington, KENTUCKY (WTF?), and then finally Arizona.  I have to say I first screamed obscenities, then almost fainted, then had to get confirmation that was actually it, and then resisted the urge to burst into tears.  Apparently, half my family knew about it too and has shockingly been able to keep it quiet.  CRAZY.  They were also placing wagers on what my reaction would be...  I suspect my brother is probably the closest.

*****  

Want to see something else pretty?  Roasted cherry tomatoes with balsamic and fresh basil.

What you need:  ((Warning: very precise measurements ahead.  Write this down.))

1 big bunch of cherry tomatoes
1 sizeable drizzle of olive oil
1 sizeable drizzle of balsamic vinegar
A few cracks of pepper
A few cracks of sea salt
A handful or two of fresh basil

This couldn't be easier:

Preheat the oven to 400.

Spread the tomatoes out on a cookie sheet, and how about you use one that has sides on it?  Drizzle them with olive oil and balsamic and give them a roll around.  Crack on some salt and pepper.

Roast for about 15 minutes.

When done, add the basil.

THAT'S IT.

This is good warm, at room temp, or refrigerated.  

*****

Additional Business:  Someone remarked to me over the weekend that she has a hard time remembering to click on over to this wealth of knowledge...  You can subscribe via email ((there is a button to do that in the upper corner)) and new posts will be delivered to your inbox.  Do it.  Right now.  You wouldn't want to miss a bit of what is coming up...

Oh and did you know?  I'm sure you didn't...  In under 4 months, I have had 6,000 UNIQUE page views.  That's some effing crazy talk right there.  Hell, imagine if I actually got organized!  Until next time!

Spinach and Mushroom Lasagna with White Sauce, Storage Wars, and a Float

Did you miss me?  ((I didn't think so...))  It has been a busy couple of days cooking for a wedding reception Saturday night.  The menu included Caprese Salad Skewers, Tomato Bruschetta, Pesto/Pine Nut/Parmesan Bruschetta, Italian Salad with Genoa Salami, Baked Penne with Italian Sausage in an Arrabiata Sauce, Vegetarian Lasagna, Roasted Veggies, and a Fruit Salad with a very light honey drizzle.  I learned a very important lesson about cooking in other people's homes this weekend:  Prior to pre-heating the oven, look inside it.  The home owner had stored 3 plastic cutting boards in the oven.  Luckily, I was looking for a cutting board shortly after turning the oven on, but holy shit, that could have been a total disaster.

Let's make a lasagna without melted plastic on the bottom of the oven...  Recipe adapted from allrecipes.com.

Picture via It Started with Yum...

What you need for 9 pieces:


1 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach
2 16-oz jars Alfredo-style pasta sauce ((I make my own, but none of y'all are probably going to do that))
1/2 cup skim milk
1 (8 ounce) package lasagna noodles ((Wild guess... you aren't going to make your own pasta noodles either so I'll omit that))
1 pint part-skim ricotta cheese
1 egg
8 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced  ((I used baby portobellos))
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Okay:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees after looking in it to be sure it isn't being used as a book shelf or a shoe rack.

Spray a large glass pan thoroughly with cooking spray, being sure to get up the sides too.

Take your frozen spinach ((I use Trader Joe's organic)) and place it in a bowl.  Microwave it for 4 minutes on high.  Add the ricotta to the bowl and mix it with the spinach.  Lightly beat the egg and then add it to the spinach/ricotta.

In a separate bowl, combine the pasta sauce with the milk.  ((I have had Trader Joe's Alfredo Sauce in other things and it is pretty good...  I'm not really a cream sauce fan, so if you know of something better, leave the suggestion in the comments.))

Start layering.  From the BOTTOM ((what you put in first)) going UP ((last)):
1.  Enough sauce to cover the bottom of the dish
2.  3 uncooked lasagna noodles
3.  Half of the spinach/ricotta mixture
4.  Half of the chopped mushrooms
5.  3 more lasagna noodles
6.  About a cup and a half of the sauce
7.  The rest of the spinach
8.  The rest of the mushrooms
9.  3 more noodles
10.  The rest of the sauce
11.  The mozzarella ((if you use more than 1/2 a cup as called for, I won't feel bad))

Bake at 350 for about 60 minutes COVERED.  Turn off the oven, uncover, spoon some of the sauce that has accumulated around the edges over the top, and allow to continue baking with the oven off for another 15 minutes.  You can add little Parmesan on top at this point if you are feeling sporty.

Nutritional Info:  Um.  Well.  It's bad.  500 calories per piece if you slice it into 9 pieces and about 35 grams of fat.

This comes together fast if you use the pre-made ingredients.  I would say ten minutes to get it in the oven and 4 of that is nuking the spinach.  I made two huge pans of this yesterday and it evaporated into thin air.  I suspect it would reheat well too.

*****

Lots to do today...  I need to go pick up the rest of the stuff from the reception, do something about the state of my own kitchen, finish the research for another article, and then hopefully do some sweet, sweet nothing.  A float in the pool may be just what the doctor ordered.

Cauliflower Mashed "Potatoes", Immersion Blenders, and Apropos of Nothing

Some days just call for mashed potatoes.  However, most days do not call for the calorie bomb that is mashed potatoes.  I had come across bloggers talking about using cauliflower as a substitute and was, frankly, really damn skeptical.  However.  However, however, however. This works.  I almost think you could fake someone out entirely with this recipe.

Mock Mashed Taters, Real Butter

I started with The Food Network's recipe for "Mock Garlic Mashed Potatoes" but then decided to make some modifications. 

What you need to serve 4-6:

1 medium-sized head of cauliflower, washed and cut into chunks

1 tablespoon cream cheese

1 teaspoon of minced garlic

1/4 cup of shredded Parmesan cheese

Salt and Pepper

1 tablespoon of butter

What to do:

In a large stock pot, boil the cauliflower, in pieces, for 6 minutes.  Remove to a strainer and drain as best as you can. ((TFN says you actually "dry" it by like wiping it down or something, but then says to add back in some broth.  Cut out the middle-man.  Don't dry it.  Eff that.))

Put the cauliflower into a large bowl and add the cream cheese, garlic, and parmesan.  Using an immersion blender* ((or a food processor if you don't have an immersion blender)), whip it together thoroughly until it is a creamy consistency.  Add salt and pepper to taste and then top with a pat of butter.  Maybe two.

*Immersion blenders are cool.  You should have one.  WTF is an immersion blender?  It is a hand-held wand thingy with blending attachments that you can put right into the bowl, pot, or whatever to blend things.  They come in useful for soups, mashed potatoes, fake mashed potatoes, blended drinks, and a bunch of other stuff.  There are pictures at the bottom...

The consistency of this is a LOT like mashed potatoes and honestly, it doesn't taste like cauliflower.  Give it a shot.  Don't tell your husband/kids what you are up to and see if they figure it out.  ((You can always break them in by using more cream cheese or butter.  Butter makes everything better.))  IF you follow the directions above, the entire bowl has only 500 calories.  Leave off the butter and you can save some more.  

***** 

And now, apropos of nothing, here is a picture from my yard.

I have not retouched the color on this or increased the contrast or saturation...  There are about 50 of these puppies blooming right now. 

All right.  I have more writing to do tonight and tomorrow is going to be kind of brutal so we can chat more later.  Happy Short Work Week!

*****

Sauteed Fiddlehead Ferns with Brussel Sprouts, Maryland Drivers, and an Intervention

This is a special guest post from the one and only Jessica!  Jess has a slight cooking and baking addiction, a resume that will stop traffic, and abandoned me for the East Coast this year.  Sigh.  I conned her into telling us about when she created a scene in a Farmers' Market over Fiddlehead Ferns.  Hmmm.  Who does that sound like?  No wonder we are friends!  

***** 

I need help…  I don’t  know if I can be helped…

I’m a foodie.  I’ve been a foodie ever since I can remember.  Growing up I would eat anything and everything; if it was put in front of me, I ate it.  In college, my budget was so strict that I taught myself how to cook and I learned that I love to cook.  However, my passion did not turn into obsession until I met Ms. Cooking is Alchemy (Ms. CiA is my nickname for her, tee hee.)  One day when I was complaining about how expensive fresh fruit and veggies are in the grocery she introduced me to Bountiful Baskets and hence an obsession was born.

In January 2012, on a whim, I moved to Maryland (who moves 2,500 miles away on a whim?  I do, that’s who).  January in Maryland is so grey, bland, and blah.  Not only was I missing my friends and family but I was missing Bountiful Baskets and Fresh & Easy.  In a fit of desperation, I searched for farmers' markets.  I thought that farmers' markets would not be open because it’s January, but I was wrong!  

That was when I was introduced to the 32^nd Street Farmers Market in the Waverly neighborhood in Baltimore and all my sensibilities disappeared.  Every other Saturday I go South on I-95 to Baltimore (by the way, I have come to the conclusion that Marylanders really don’t know how to drive.  There is a major car accident on I-95 every week and when I say major, I mean *cars flipped over and on fire* major.  Every – Single - Week. But I digress, Ms. CiA and I tend to do that.  You should be in the same room with us when we are having a conversation…I don’t think a story’s ever been finished) and the 32^nd Street Farmers' Market armed with cash, my reusable bags, a list, and my mantra “only buy what’s on the list.”  The list, the damn list never does its job; the damn list is never good enough.  As soon as I step within the border of the farmers' market, I turn into Head Monster Gatherer and I go crazy! Strawberries! Tomatoes! Grapes! Rhubarb! It’s all there and I can’t help myself.  I get into a zone that I can’t control and I have to visit every last booth!  Today I bought a bunch of celery. CELERY!  I don’t even like Celery and, to make matters worse, I don’t remember buying it!  IT’S NOT EVEN SOUP SEASON!  I told you, I need help…

Fiddlehead Ferns.  See? Aren't these so cute?  Looks like something Fern Gully would eat!

With my cash dwindling, I remembered that I had to buy almonds.  As I stepped away from the main part of the farmers' market, I ran into a tiny booth specializing in fungi.  My curiosity snapped me out of my gatherer zone and I stood there and spoke with the woman about the different mushrooms she had.  That’s when my eye caught the box of Fiddlehead Ferns and excitedly remarked- ok yelled- “THOSE ARE FIDDLEHEAD FERNS!”  The woman laughed and small group gathered to see what I was so excited about.  Fiddlehead Ferns are very rare, found in the wild in Vermont, and have a very short season (3 weeks in May!)  Awhile ago, I was introduced to Fiddlehead Ferns on Pinterest and I repinned never really believing that I would ever come across Fiddlehead Ferns.  Since they look so intriguing, I couldn’t walk away without them, so I bought some ($5 for 1 oz!).  I naturally posted my excitement of finding Fiddlehead Ferns on Facebook (haha “finding Fiddlehead Ferns on Facebook” say that five times fast!) and Ms. CiA asked me to write a guest post.  So, here you go.  My first guest post ever! Since I only bought one ounce, I’ve decided to sauté them with the two handfuls of Brussel Sprouts I grabbed as well.

Don't turn your nose up!  Brussel Sprouts are good and good for you!

Sauteed Fiddle Ferns and Brussel Sprouts

(I don’t use measurements so these measurements are approximate and I do all my cooking by “instinct” so times are approximate as well)

1 oz Fiddle Ferns

2 handfuls of Brussel Sprouts

2 Garlic Cloves, minced (I love garlic so I add more)

1 small onion, chopped

Olive oil – about 2 circles around the pan

½ cup of water

Salt and Pepper

Half a lemon (use the other half for a brown sugar whisky sour!)

1.      First, you need to clean the Fiddlehead Ferns under warm water and snip off any black spots.  Be sure to handle them with care as they are a bit tender.  Clean the Brussel Sprouts and cut off the bottoms.

2.     Put the Fiddlehead Ferns and Brussel Sprouts with ½ cup water in a sautee pan fitted with a lid.  Cover and steam over medium heat until slightly soft.  Feel free to shake the pan every so often (not too hard, remember, the ferns are tender.)  Steam for about 5 minutes.

3.     Remove from sauté pan and drain sauté pan of the water.

4.     Put sauté pan back on the heat and add extra virgin olive oil.  Once the olive oil is hot (not smoking) add your garlic and onions (don’t forget to stand there and smell the blissful scent of garlic sautéing in olive oil.) 

5.     Once the garlic and onions are soft, add the Brussel Sprouts. Sauté Brussel Sprouts until you can pierce with a fork (I like my Brussel Sprouts super soft so I sautéed these for a good ten minutes, at least.)

6.     Add the Fiddlehead Ferns and stir with Brussel Sprouts.

7.     Once the Fiddlehead Ferns and Brussel Sprouts are done, squeeze in lemon juice from the half a lemon, take off heat and stir up.

8.     Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste.

9.     Serve and enjoy!

The Puerto Rican Papi, one of the pickiest eaters I know, said that they tasted like sautéed spinach and he actually liked them!  I enjoyed them as well, they are crispy and bright.  They are pretty filling with the Brussel Sprouts and I will definitely make them again next May!

Mmmmmm, yummy!

*****

Jules here...  Thanks Jess!  Those look super good but frankly I think you should have delivered a sample to Arizona.  Oh well, next time.  

Side note:  If anyone makes anything fun or different or creates any scenes in any markets, we all want to hear about it!  Either leave a comment or email me at juliasteele12@gmail.com and I will get back to you!

Grilled Artichokes, Herbed Lemon Aioli Dipping Sauce, and The Most Random Week Ever

Is everyone enjoying their long weekend?  You better be.  It's a beautiful day here in sunny Arizona... mid 80's.  We always hang on tight to these last few days before the constant streak of triple-digit days hits.  I've been here for over ten years now.  At this point, I'm fine up to 108 degrees.  It really doesn't bother me and it's not unusual to find a lot of us wearing jeans or full black suits in that weather.  But let me tell you, when you walk outside at midnight and it is still 102?  That's just effed up.  True story.

On our theme of hot weather meals, let's do an appetizer.  Grilled artichokes with a lemony garlicky dipping sauce.    If you have never handled a fresh artichoke before, it can be a little scary.  It's thorny, it has something they actually call a "choke" in it because it will attempt to choke you to death, and it just looks kind of weird.  BUT.  Don't be afraid.  It's actually pretty easy.

Grilled artichoke hearts

Prepping an artichoke:

Put about two inches worth of water on to boil.

Using a very sharp knife, cut off the top two inches of the artichoke, where it comes to a point.  Then, using a scissors, go around the outside of the artichoke and snip off the very ends of the leaves to remove the sharp pointy part.

Throw the artichoke in the boiling water and let it steam for 15 minutes to get it softened up.

Now we will put together the dipping sauce...

What you need for the dip:

2 tablespoons of mayo
2 tablespoons of dijon mustard
1 clove of garlic, minced
1 big squeeze of lemon
1 teaspoon of so of fresh thyme
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix all of the above together in a small bowl and store in the refrigerator while we finish up.

Mayo, dijon, garlic, lemon, and fresh thyme

Right now.  Yes, NOW.  Go turn on the grill.

When the 15 minutes is up on the steaming, very carefully remove the artichoke to a cutting board.  Let it cool down for a couple of minutes or you can be impatient like I am and use a dishtowel to hold onto it for the next part.

In a bowl, mix together 2 tablespoons of olive oil and a squeeze of lemon and set aside.

Using a large knife, cut the artichoke in half, length-wise.  When you open it up, you will see this weird shit inside that looks kind of like hair or very fine straw.  YOU GOTTA GET RID OF THAT CRAP. Using a spoon, start scooping it out and throwing it away.  You need to get all of the "hair," which is actually called the "choke" out of there.  Scrape against the bottom of the artichoke pretty firmly to get it all and then curse when it goes flying across the room.  You can also scrape out the little tiny interior leaves that are attached to it at the same time.  You are done when it looks hollowed out and there is no more "hairy shit" inside it.

Brush the artichoke on all sides with the olive oil and lemon juice mixture.  Sprinkle with a little salt and pepper.

Time to grill.  Finally.  Put the artichoke on a medium heat grill, cut side UP, for ten minutes.  Flip the halves over and grill another 5 minutes.

Pretty

Serve with your dip as a light appetizer.  I'd say one artichoke probably serves about 2 people depending on the size.  

Nutritional Info:  The artichoke is practically a freebie.  The entire quantity of the dip is about 300 calories and this makes enough dip for 4 artichokes.

*****

The over-arching list of what I have to do this week looks like it belongs to a schizophrenic.  Everything from handling a hearing in a homicide case to making meatballs for Good Doggy Gourmet to doing a wedding reception for 50 to Gaga only knows what.  It should be an interesting week!

By the way, not to self-promote too much... But if you are in need of a good knife or knife set, you can help your pal Jules out by ordering off my website.  Pretty please?    


 

Bruschetta, Slobbery Success, and Craft Projects

Today I scored almost ten pounds of cherry tomatoes from my friend Shannon's garden.  ((Oh the stories we have on each other.  Holy shit.  We could blackmail each other for the the rest of our lives.))  Do you have any idea how many tomatoes that is?  Like a million and twelve.  More or less.  They seemed perfectly suited to making a huge vat of bruschetta topping for a party tomorrow...

What you need:

A crapload of cherry tomatoes ((or maybe like 4 cups worth))
1 small to medium red onion
2 cloves of garlic
1-2 handfuls of fresh basil
2 tablespoons EVOO
4 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
Sea salt
A loaf of Italian bread or pre-made crostinis

What you do:

After thoroughly washing everything, commence the tedious process of chopping the cherry tomatoes.  I was cutting each into 8 pieces.  ((Yes, it took until twelve minutes after forever.))  Dice them up as finely as you have patience for.  Don't freak about the seeds.  A lot will come out as you cut them, but no big deal.

Chop the red onion finely, mince the garlic, and cut the basil into strips.  Take a minute to recognize how fracking deee-lightful fresh basil smells.  

Throw everything into a large storage container.  Add the olive oil, the balsamic, and give it a couple of cracks of sea salt.  ((Now, I love me some balsamic.  Actually, any vinegar, but balsamic in particular.  Accordingly, I put a lot on.  You can use less.  In fact, you can adjust anything you want!  It's basically a free country unless you are a woman, a minority, a non-heterosexual, have a disability, or are just generally kind of weird.  Anyway.))  Toss it all together and then cover tightly and refrigerate overnight for the flavors to get all lovey dovey together.

When you are ready to serve, smear a couple of spoonfuls on top of sliced Italian bread.  Throw them under the broiler for a couple minutes.  You can also buy pre-made crostini thingies.  I also think this would be good on grilled chicken, a salad, or really most anything.  See previous comment regarding the freeness of this country.  I don't think "freeness" is a word.  Again, refer back to previous statement.

Nutritional Info:  This is basically a freebie...  2 tablespoons ((without bread)) would only be about 60 calories.  Go wild.

*****

As I mentioned yesterday, I delivered the Slobberloaf packages yesterday.  Dog #1 went insane and then proceeded to spit all the dry kibble out and follow me around the house until I left.  Dog #2 ((who is toothless)) loved it and took some out of my hand as I was crumbling it into his bowl.  Dog #3 wrote me a love letter on Facebook.  I have another 6 pounds cooking right now and I cannot get my dog to quit staring at the oven.  I actually think this batch will be better because I used a slightly fattier type of ground beef.  Once it cools, I'm going to figure out how to package it and get it delivered for sale tomorrow!  

*****

I have an assignment for you.  You need to make these:

Yes, that would be a mason jar super-glued to a candle stand.  BRILLIANT.  I shall be scouring Goodwill stores for candle stands in my free time.

Mexican Quinoa Salad, Websites, and Yes and Yes

In keeping with the "It's almost Cinco de Mayo" theme, let's do something vegetarian, shall we?  How about a Mexican Quinoa Salad?

Black bean and corn quinoa salad

We have discussed this before, but I love quinoa.  It is an ancient cereal grain that has found a great deal of popularity in the last couple of years.  It is really easy to prepare and is kind of like rice or cous cous, but not.  ((Wow.  That was helpful.))

What you need for four servings:
1 cup quinoa
2 cups water
1 can of black beans
1 large or 2 small ears of corn
3 green onions
2 tomatoes
1 jalapeno
A handful of cilantro
Balsamic vinegar
Lime
Salt

What to do:

Start by rinsing the quinoa in a very, very, very fine colander in cold water.  It has a bitter outer coating that needs to be washed off.  Drain it as much as possible and then add it to a small pot with two cups of water.  Bring it to a boil, uncovered and then simmer it covered for 10-15 minutes or until the water is absorbed.

The start

If you are using fresh corn on the cob, boil the water for that as well and then cook it for approximately 8 minutes.  ((If you are using stuff from a can or that is frozen, well, I can't help you.  I'm boycotting.))

While that is cooking, drain and rinse your black beans.  Chop up your tomato, removing the seeds.  Chop the green onions, jalapeno, and the cilantro.


Throw everything ((the black beans, the corn that you have taken off the cob, the tomatoes, the onion, the jalapeno, and the cilantro)) into a large bowl and mix it around.  Add about 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar ((maybe more, maybe less; I like more...)), a hearty squeeze of lime, and a few cracks of salt.  Stir it around again.    

So pretty

By about now, your quinoa should be finished.

The end

Add the quinoa to your bowl and stir to combine.  Taste test and add more lime, salt, or whatever you may think it needs.

Yum

Refrigerate it for a couple of hours or overnight and serve.  

Nutritional Information:  Approximately 280 calories and 1 gram of fat per serving.  And full of protein and antioxidants and other good stuff too!  Yes!

*****

That reminds me...  Yesterday, this little corner of the internet was linked to by Yes and Yes!  So exciting!  ((Waves vigorously at new people!))  

The rest of yesterday was spent working on my website for my other ventures...  It is still in the works but I am really happy because like a three-year-old I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF.  There are some things to work out, photos to add, general crap I don't understand at all, but I'm pretty impressed that I got as far as I did with it.  I didn't have a temper tantrum ONCE.  I don't know who the hell I am anymore!  Anyway, I'm sure you will figure out the link so you can go check it out.  For the time being, I am leaving this blog here.  I feel like that way I can still be kind of profane and post stupid pictures and be kind of random without people who are looking for my culinary business getting scared off.  We shall see as time goes on though.  

Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto Pasta, Can-A-Rama, and Gargamel

What is a step up from burning the candle at both ends?  Burning it from the middle?  Just melting the bastard down to wax?  To the extreme, nuking the entire candle factory?  I might be at that point.  I have eleventy thousand and twenty-eight things going on at once which is fracking fantastic, but I will confess that last night I thought, "I don't know what in the hell I am doing.  With anything.  At all.  <<High-pitched scream here.>>"  I then realized, um, yeah, I do know what I'm doing, that isn't the problem.  I just don't know where I'm going.  I then decided that while I may not know where I am going, as Bowie said, I know it won't be boring.  And that is way more than good enough for me.  I hate boring.  Boring is my mortal enemy.  Boring is my Gargamel.  ((I wonder if anyone has ever referenced David Bowie and the Smurfs in the same paragraph before?  Doubtful.))  

*****  

Let's make something.  This isn't complicated but I would eat this every single day for the rest of forever.  No, I'm not exaggerating.  Well, not much.  Pasta with pesto, sun-dried tomatoes, pine nuts, and Parmesan.

For two:

1 cup of uncooked pasta ((As previously discussed when I first started writing here, I prefer orecchiette, which I still have trouble spelling.))
2 tablespoons of pesto  ((I provided instructions on how to make your own pesto in that same post or you can use a prepared kind.  I like Progresso's best if I don't make it fresh.))
4 tablespoons-ish sun-dried tomatoes
2 tablespoons-ish toasted pine-nuts
1 tablespoon-ish of fresh-grated Parmesan

Go:

Boil the water for the pasta and follow the package directions.

Slice the tomatoes into small pieces, after draining the oil.

Toast the pine-nuts in a small sauté pan for 2-3 minutes over a medium-high heat, just until they get a little bit browned.

When the pasta is done, drain it well, and shake the shit out of it to get the extra water out ((particularly with orecchiette which tends to hold water in the little cuppy-things)).  In a small bowl, mix together the pesto and the pasta.  Remove it to a plate and top with the tomatoes, pine nuts, and some Parmesan.

Seriously, every day.

Nutritional info:  Approximately 400 calories and 8 grams of fat if you go easy on the cheese and don't use a lot of oil in the pesto.  When I buy prepared pesto, I actually spoon out the oil that has floated to the top.  I usually get like 2-3 tablespoons out of a really small jar.  Hey, every little bit counts dammit.

*****

There is a LOT of goodness coming up around here...  Lots, lots, lots.  But I have to say I am really excited for what I am calling the Can-a-Rama next week.  We have ordered FIFTY POUNDS of Roma tomatoes and will be saucing up a storm.  My kitchen is going to be a bloody disaster!  Ooh I can't wait.  Prego can suck it!

Mango-Banana Bread, Campaigning, and Artistry

Last night's fundraiser was a big success...  It was held at my dear friend Amery's art gallery and was made extra-entertaining because a number of the people who attended all worked on a painting together under Amery's guidance and then everyone then signed the back.  ((This is the point at which I got covered in paint.))  It will be a great reminder to the candidate of all the support of his wacky friends he has received.  The painting actually turned out really well ((thanks to Ames' instruction and perhaps a little of her fixing...))

Teaching is made easier with wine...

Lord, help this woman trying to paint!

*****

Today I catered a Bachelorette Hangover Brunch.  Well, that's what I'm calling it!  Their menu was sun-dried tomato egg bake, spinach-strawberry-almond salad, fruit salad, coffee cake, and mango banana bread.  This was a little extra challenge because at least one of the attendees was vegan.  In googling and googling and googling, it was hard to come up with many vegan recipes, particularly for a brunch.  Well, let me restate that:  It was hard coming up with something that I could predict how it would turn out because a lot of the ingredients were not things I had used before.  I need to expand my horizons.  However, my friend Angie had made this recipe and gave it a huge thumbs up, so I went with it.

Very Vegan Mango Banana Bread

Original recipe from "Joy the Baker."

What you need for one 9x5 loaf:

3 medium or 2 large ripe bananas
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 ripe mango, sliced into chunks
granulated sugar for topping

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease and flour a 9 x 5-inch loaf pan.

In a large mixing bowl, mash the bananas well by smashing them with the back of a wooden spoon. Add the sugar, oil, and vanilla extract, and whisk the hell out of it.
Sift in the flour, baking soda, spices, and salt. ((I can hear you... WTF is "sifting?!"  Read this.))  Then use your wooden spoon to mix just until the wet and dry ingredients are combined.  You don't need to over-do this.  Then throw in the mango chunks and "fold" them in ((just move some of the batter around the mango.))

Put the batter in your loaf pan and sprinkle with extra sugar on top if you’d like.

Bake for 45 to 50 minutes. The top should be lightly browned and a knife inserted
through the center should come out clean, or with just a few crumbs.

Remove from the oven and let cool for 20 minutes before transferring out of a pan and
onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Banana bread will last, wrapped at room temperature, for up to 5 days.  I prefer to keep it in the refrigerator and then nuke it ((my term for microwaving)) for 30 seconds prior to eating.

Good and good for you!

As promised, here's a pic of the cinnamon-swirl coffee cake discussed here.

Coffee-less Coffee Cake

*****

Here are a few more pictures from last night.

 I just did a very simple cheese array with lots of beer and wine:

I set it up in front of her current major piece which you should totally buy:

Here are a couple of pictures with a few of my friends who attended because apparently I like posting pictures of myself.

*****

So there you have it.  Happy Easter weekend...  I'm off to work out the details for a dinner I'm making tomorrow.  They want a Mexican Seafood Feast.  I'm all over that request!  Yum.