Chile Lime Chicken, Microwave Sweet Corn, and Cilantro Butter

I still maintain that it is too hot to cook, BUT I am officially over the cereal straight from the box routine.  Over it.  However, as frequently happened, this seemingly simple idea turned into a "what the hell do I do now?" moment.

The chicken is a total cheat, but I have an explanation...  I was given a Williams Sonoma gift card for my birthday ((Thanks, Jimmy!)) and in an attempt to use the remaining four dollars on it after I got some REALLY good stuff, I ended up buying one of their spice rub thingys.  All you do is to throw a cup or so of breadcrumbs with 3-4 tablespoons of their Chile Lime Spice Rub into a baggie and toss it around until it is fairly uniform in color.  I then just threw the chicken in there ((no egg wash required)), tossed it, and threw it in the oven for 45 minutes at 350 degrees.  Easy.

The picture sucks because the pool guy who has more than a slight resemblance to Mr. Belding showed up and I didn't have the gall to take food out to photograph in front of him.  Oops.

About 20 minutes before the chicken would be done, I put on a huge pot of water to boil.  When I went back to check on the boilitude ((that's a word, eff off spell check)), I found the pot was full of foam.  Uhhhh... Well, I had used that pot to boil a huge batch of Chinese herbs to make a tincture for my back.  That concoction smelled like a combination of Christmas, despair, and a flop house.  I soaked that damn pot for days to get rid of the residue.  And then more days.  And then I scrubbed it some more.  Then it soaked for another week.  I'm afraid whatever medicinal properties ((and contact high)) I got from the "treatment" may have resulted in ruining the stock pot.  Oh well.  

At this point, there is now 6 minutes left for the chicken so I quickly googled if you can microwave sweet corn and if so, how.  Basically, you shuck the corn, wrap it tightly in paper towels, and nuke it for 5 minutes.  I have to say, it turned out pretty well.  It didn't get quite the same golden color as when you boil it, but it was perfectly edible.

I then basted it with a cilantro butter.  Melt the butter and chop up a LOT of cilantro into really small pieces or until you get annoyed with it.  Add it to the melted butter and let it all seep together for a while.  Brush it on the corn with a basting brush.  

*****

All righty... I need to quickly finish up some freelance work.  Happy Wednesday!  Or Happy Whatever Day You Read This! 

Roasted Pork Tenderloin with Oaxaca Mole Verde, Measurements are Dumb, and Please Come Back

I, semi-last-minute, decided to make dinner for my mother and her friend, Kathy, last evening.  I had been given this totally gorgeous cookbook by Kathy's daughter ((one of my favoritest people)) and was itching to try something from it.  I decided on a pork tenderloin with a mole verde sauce.  ((Little did I know, pork tenderloin is one of Kathy's very favorite things, so look at me, I'm a winner.))

I'm going to warn you, the ingredient list and the instructions look long, but it comes together relatively quickly and is completely worth it.  As you are reading this, you will probably say, "Oh screw her.  This is ridiculous."  I swear to you, I left for the store at 3 pm to get the missing ingredients in within one hour I had made the rub, the sauce to completion, and 2 dozen green chile muffins, Mexican rice, and loaded up everything I needed to take this show on the road.

Original recipe from "Sharing the Table at Garland's Lodge"

What you need generally:

4 pork tenderloins

For the rub:

2 tablespoons each oregano, sage, thyme, cumin seed, and ground red chile
1 tablespoon each cinnamon and nutmeg
1/4 cup of salt ((I used a lot less))
2 tablespoons coarse black pepper

For the mole verde:

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 medium white or yellow onion, roughly chopped
3 garlic cloves, peeled
1 pound tomatillos, peeled, rinsed and sliced
1/4 cup chopped hot green chiles ((not the canned crap-- I used less and deseeded them for wimpier palates))
1 1/2 teaspoons of salt
2 teaspoons each oregano and cumin seeds
1/2 cup raw pumpkin seeds
1/2 cup loosely packed chopped cilantro ((so like half a bunch with some of the stems left on))
2 - 2 1/2 cups of chicken stock
2 tablespoons of lime juice

Are you still with me?  I know.  It seems like a lot, but the vast majority of this stuff is in your spice rack or pantry.  If you don't have something and aren't going to the market, leave it out.  It's fine.

Start by making the rub.  Combine everything BUT the salt and pepper in a small skillet and heat until it smells like heaven.  ((This won't take long, just a couple of minutes on a medium heat.))  Remove from the heat and let it cool a little.  Put into a small baggie and add the salt and pepper and shake it around.  ((I confess, I didn't measure anything, I totally eye-balled it.  Feel free to do the same.))

Preheat the oven to 350, after putting the rack on the highest shelf you can, but still being able to get the pan in.  Drizzle the pork with a little olive oil and then spread the rub over it.  Give it a good pat to make it stick and get all the sides.  Set aside for 30 minutes.  ((I know.  I was a little concerned about leaving pork to sit out.  It's fine.  You won't die.))

Next, we will make the mole.  Heat the olive oil in a heavy sauce pan over medium high.  Add in the onions, garlic ((I didn't chop the garlic cloves, I put them in whole)), tomatillos, and salt.  Give them a stir and then reduce the heat to medium.  Add in the chiles.  Loosely cover the pan ((like make it so that it is half off)) and cook for 10 minutes or until everything is soft.  Stir it every so often to make sure nothing is sticking.

Combine the pumpkin seeds and the oregano and toast in a small skillet until they begin to smoke.  ((Technically, you should grind them with either a grinder or a food processor after this, but I didn't, so don't worry about it.))

Add the pumpkin seed mix, the cilantro, and 2 cups of chicken broth to the pan with the onions/tomatillos.  Stir it well and let cook for just a couple of minutes.

Transfer the sauce ((it's hot in case this isn't obvious!)) to a blender and process until it is very smooth.  You may need to do this in more than one batch depending on the size of your blender.

Return the mixture to the sauce pan.  If it is really thick, add a little more broth.  Add two tablespoons of lime juice and some more salt.  Keep warm while the pork cooks.

**These are their instructions... This did not work for me.... Roast the meat for 8 minutes, reduce the oven temp to 300 and continue another 8-10 minutes.  A meat thermometer should read 140 at the center.  ((I followed these instructions and knew there was no way in hell they were done.  I turned the heat back up to 350 and let them cook for an additional 20 minutes.  I thought maybe I had somehow missed the part where you slice them first, but no.  No idea.))

When cooked through to 140 degrees or just barely pink, remove from the oven and cover with a clean dish towel for ten minutes to rest.

Slice them diagonally at about 1/3 of an inch thick.  Serve with 1/3 cup of the sauce ((which you have kept warm)) over the top.  ((I put it on the side because I was concerned it would still be too spicy for them even though I had mellowed it out some.))

Not the greatest picture because of the lighting, but I was trying not to be "that person" who keeps everyone waiting while they take pictures of food.  

I repeat, this sounds way harder than it is, but whoever you are making it for will think you are a superhero.  I served it along side ((as alluded to)) Mexican rice, black beans with cojita cheese, green chile corn muffins with honey butter, and the now famous, sopapilla cheesecake.

The verde sauce will keep if kept tightly covered in the refrigerator and would be good on basically everything.

*****

All right, this might win the award for the longest post ever.  I'll be back with something a little less daunting ((or at least wordy)) tomorrow!

Sloppy Turkey Joe's the Easy Way and Sloppy Turkey Joe's the Slightly Less Easy Way

This morning I was in the midst of a laundry-o-rama when the phone rang.  Before I knew it, it was 90 minutes later, my ear was numb, and I was STARVING.  I had been planning to make Sloppy Joe's ((or Barbecues)) with turkey burger, but I was suddenly in that "eff that, it takes too much time" frame of mind.  So I came up with an on-the-fly short cut which would be perfect for those of you who struggle with weeknight dinners.  It took less than 15 minutes.  My normal Sloppy Joe or barbecue sauce recipe will come after...

Turkey Joe's, sweet corn, and pineapple

What you need to serve 4:

1 lb of ground turkey
1/2 cup of Trader Joe's Barbecue Sauce*
*Some* minced onion and minced garlic

What you do:

Brown the ground turkey in a large pan.  Once browned, throw in the barbecue sauce and the spices.  Stir to combine, reduce the heat, cover, and let simmer for a few minutes.  Serve on a toasted, buttered bun with pickle slices or whatever you like.  ((I'm using sandwich thins because I bought a pack and I swear to John Lithgow they are reproducing in my refrigerator.))

*You can use any brand of barbecue sauce you like, obviously.  TJ's has a nice smoky, sweetness to it though.  I also like the Jack Daniels' brand of sauces though.

I know this is nothing earth-shattering, but it wasn't an idea that had occurred to me before and I don't think I've ever heard it suggested somewhere.  I suspect I will make this a lot.  Served along side some sweet corn and fresh pineapple, it feels like summer, no?

Nutritional Info for just the meat:  1/4 pound serving is approximately 180 calories and 2 grams of fat if you use the super lean variety.  SCORE.

Now here is how someone who isn't about to eat their own arm off might make the sauce...

Ingredients:


1 cup ketchup
1/4 cup white vinegar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons chopped onion
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/8 teaspoon ground allspice
1 pinch celery salt
1 pinch mustard powder

Basically all you do is throw that all in a sauce pan, stir to combine, and let it simmer on low for about 5 minutes.  You can then add it to your browned turkey or beef.  

Unfortunately, this is another one of the recipes that has been in my email folder for a few years and I am clueless as to where it came from.  The calorie count would be about the same though.

*****

I'm off to do some boning up on my new writing gig!

Margarita Chicken, Reorganizing, and Mischief

I'm back.  Well, I didn't really go anywhere, but regardless, I'm back.  After a long day on my feet on Sunday cooking for the Mothers' Day French Ambition Tour and a repeat of that Monday morning, I declared Monday afternoon/evening a work-free zone.  All I did during that 12 hours was finish two freelance projects, research what we are referring to as the World Domination Project ((evil laugh here,)) and have a text conversation about absolutely nothing which required in excess of 50 sent messages.  Time well spent.  

The seemingly never-ending political campaign ended last night with the victory toasted with Roger Clyne's Mexican Moonshine.  ((Only four people were being actively babysat after said toast, so that's a decent ratio.))  It got me thinking...  we should make tequila lime chicken.  Alas, my plans were slightly thrown off course when I discovered I didn't actually have tequila ((which if you have seen my bar that should lead to a major, "What? The? Fuck?"))  SkinnyGirl Margaritas to the rescue.

SkinnyGirl Margarita Chicken

What you need:

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1/4 cup of my personal hero Bethenny Frankel's SkinnyGirl Margarita

1/2 cup of orange juice

1 huge squeeze of lime

Dashes of the following: sea salt, chili pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, dried parsley, and black pepper

What to do:

Place the chicken breasts in a glass bowl, stab it repeatedly with a fork ((you can mutter your ex's name, your boss's name, or whoever's name while you do this for free therapy points,)) and then dump everything else in.  Mix it around a little of that the meat is covered with a little bit of everything.  Cover with some form of cling wrap and refrigerate for at least a half an hour, but as long as overnight.  

When you are ready to eat, preheat your grill on at maximum heat.  When it is really fracking hot, throw the breasts on the grill and let them sear on BLAST ((a real setting, remember?)) for one minute on each side.  Reduce the heat to a nice medium and let cook for approximately 4-5 minutes on each side.  Do not flip them a million times!  After the searing, once is seriously enough.  Over-flipping is what dries them out.  Stop it.  Also, no re-marinating!  Once it is on the grill, it is marinated enough.  Adding more marinade just increases your contamination risk.  Feel free to sprinkle on more spices if you like though.  That's allowed.

Grilling times will vary based on how hot your medium is and how big your breasts are.  Ahem.  ((I can't help myself.  Every single time.  I'm such a child.))  Test them with a meat thermometer ((I never do this, I like to live dangerously)) or slice into the thickest part of one to check for doneness.

This is delicioso as is, or you can top it with a little bit of shredded Mexican cheese, some diced avocado, tomato and/or chopped cilantro.  I'm doing pinto beans on the side, but black beans or even refried beans ((if you hate your waistline)) would be good additions.  

Nutritional Info:  For a 4 ounce serving of chicken, approximately 230 calories and 5 or so grams of fat.  Win!

*****

This is probably of interest to almost no one, but I recently reorganized my kitchen and it has reduced my aggravation about a gzillion percent.  Now keep in mind, I cook every day, frequently for more than a couple of hours and twice a week or so, in 8 hour spurts.  However, if you are frustrated with never being able to find the spices you want or if you can't reach the olive oil you use 4 times a week, move it!  It seems like a chore, but really, it only takes a couple of minutes.  The things you use the most need to be in your reach.  Make your life easier!

*****

Lately a lot of people have been asking for quick, light recipes.  I aim to serve, so stay tuned!  

*****

I'm off to get re-blondified and then create a little mischief...  

Grand Marnier Souffle with Creme Anglaise, Slobberloaf (tm), and Laundry Lists

There is a raging storm outside...  It's the desert, so I'm sure it will last all of ten minutes max.  However, it is a distinct Phoenix phenomena that when it rains, every six months or so, we all go stand outside and stare at it and immediately turn into the biggest driving wimps on the planet.  I have driven in pure white-out blizzards, on black ice, and in six feet of snow and there is no way in hell I am going out in a little rain here.  Although I will say, my ability to drive in snow has completely disappeared as well, so maybe I don't actually have a point.  Disregard.

Today in an attempt to be as completely random as possible, apparently, I embarked on two very distinct cooking projects:  Grand Marnier Souffles with Creme Anglaise and ... well ... Slobberloaf.  I'll explain.  I was contacted by a business in downtown Phoenix about providing my dog treats for their customers.  The treats were such a hit, that they then wanted to know if I could do entrees.  Accordingly, Slobberloaf is an entree for dogs.  It is essentially the same as a regular meatloaf you would make for yourself, but without all of the spices.  However, as I placed several pounds of ground beef and fresh vegetables in the oven, no shit, I could actually hear my father's voice say, "JESUS CHRIST!  WHAT THE HELL?!"  If he weren't already gone, this would have killed him.  Of all the bullshit I have pulled in my life that he found offensive, this is the ultimate insult.  Anyway, I actually have four mini-loaves and the assorted roasted vegetables in the fridge to be delivered to my testers once this sky explosion stops.  I freely admit that while this was cooking, I decided I was trying a bite.  It's good!  And oh my God, Kirin, my chow/retriever mix, lost her damn mind.  I have a very firm rule about No Dogs in the Kitchen and I couldn't peel her away.  I think this is going to be a hit.  Check it out:

Ground beef with potatoes, carrots, and celery

I'm positive that I could have passed this off as a regular recipe and no one would have known the difference.  I'll see what my test subjects have to say and if they all agree, these will be for sale shortly!

My other project is part of my French Ambition Tour.  As I have mentioned, I recently read My Life in France ((Julia Child's life story of her years in Paris)) and received Mastering the Art of French Cooking.  This has inspired me to attempt to learn to make some things which frankly, I can't pronounce, but what the hell. I'm planning to make the souffles on Sunday for Mother's Day, but decided I really should give them a test run.  I think they turned out really well, especially for a first try.  I am also now a pro when it comes to separating eggs.  Here are some pics:

Immediately out of the oven

Yum

Glorious

With the Creme Anglaise

I managed to restrain myself and only had a couple of bites of one.  It really is tragic they don't keep.  Although, I can admit I had a piece of the edge of one an hour later and yep, still good.

In other non-cooking news, I have finished the coursework for my personal training certification and now just need to devote 5-6 hours to taking the online exam.  I have also been hired to do two freelance articles which I am really, really excited about.  Tomorrow I am delivering the menus I constructed to the Bed and Breakfast that is interested in using me.  There is so much going on that it is scaring the shit the out of me.  My twitch is back.

It appears the rain is subsiding a little, so I'm going to go deliver the Slobberloaves....  Credit for the name to my Cousin Cecily who said she had heard it referred to as such, but Google didn't corroborate that.  I'm taking the name.  I dig it.

Stuffed Turkey Burgers, Sweet Corn, and Tomorrow Piles

I had declared today a day off...  and then 6 am hit.  I'm trying to catch up on all of the things that continually get put on my Tomorrow Pile.  The beauty of the Tomorrow Pile is that you get to say, "Oh, I'll do that tomorrow."  Then when tomorrow comes, the pile still says "Tomorrow."   Rinse and repeat.

One of the things that has been looming is doing something about the condition of my refrigerators.  Yes, refrigerators plural.  As I was putting things away on Sunday after the brunch, there was quite a bit of rearranging going on.  ((Had you been here you would have seen that the door had to be closed quickly to prevent things from falling out.))  I finally decided an intervention was needed.  I took absolutely everything out, washed all the shelves, etc etc and cleaned out what was questionable and prioritized what needed to be used.   Let's just say it took so long that the upper level light bulb finally overheated...  It didn't burn out, it was just so hot that it had to shut down.  Yikes.  But it is now nice and sparkly and it turns out that I don't need to go to the grocery store ((at least for myself)) probably until October.

*****

Two of the things on the "Use Me Now" list were ground turkey and spinach.  Until about a year ago, I had never had a turkey burger.  I'm from Beef Country.  If you are having a burger, it had better have moo-ed recently.  I think I thought they were dry or just generally gross.  Wrong again.  Certainly not the same as a regular burger or even a buffalo burger ((which I strongly advocate)), but still good and good for you.

What you need for two:

1/2 lb of ground turkey ((I buy the 99% lean variety, but 93% is good))
1 cup of fresh spinach, cut into small pieces
2 tablespoons of shredded parmesan
Various spices: garlic powder, onion salt, black pepper

What to do:

In a medium bowl, using your hands, mix together all of the above until it seems pretty consistent.  You can use whatever spices you like.  Just throw in a couple, three, four dashes of each.  Once mixed,  I like to use a burger press to shape them, because they stick together better.  I think I got mine at Target for like 99 cents.

Preheat your grill and then oil it.  I use GrillMates grill oil which comes on a little pad that attaches to your grill brush.  You heat up the grill, turn the burners down until you basically can't any further, and then rub the oil over it.  Nothing sticks.  It's like fricking magic.

Cook the burger over a medium heat for about 5 minutes on each side.  Again, this will depend on how thick your burger is, the fat content, and how medium your medium is on the grill.  Don't flip it a million times!  Once is enough.  Either use a meat thermometer ((cough, hypocrite, cough)) or cut into the middle to assess doneness.  You do NOT need to cook the living shit out of it.  This is why people think turkey burgers are dry.  This turned out moist and juicy.  ((I hate those two words so I had to use them both.))

I served these on multi-grain thin sandwich buns and topped with a little more spinach and roma tomatoes.  No need for any other sauces or condiments or anything.

On the side I had sweet corn, the first of the season from the co-op.  I LOVE sweet corn with a passion unknown to anything but my diet coke.  In case you didn't know, I grew up on a farm in the middle of Nowhereville North.  My friend Angie and I used to anxiously await the sweet corn being ready.  We would walk out to the field and and check on it, sometimes several times a day.  Nothing was ever more tragic then when the raccoons got it before we did.  ((Which now that I think about that, I think I just figured out something that I hadn't thought of in 20 odd years...))

ANYWAY, sweet corn is super easy to prepare.  Shuck it, boil some water, and throw it in for about 8 minutes or until the kernels turn a bright yellow.  I just then baste it with a little bit of real butter and maybe some salt.

Nutritional Info:  About 350 calories for the entire plate, assuming you have a 6 ounce burger and a large ear of corn.  VICTORY!

*****

Let's see what else?  I wrote my first ad this morning...  That was frustratingly fun.  I have no idea how it will look once the editor gets a hold of it, but it should be up in May!  I'll provide a link when that happens.

Now I'm going to go delight in my clean refrigerators.

Lemon-Butter Crusted Chicken, Real Titles, and Correspondence School

Real Title:  THE BEST F*CKING CHICKEN EVER.  ((Waves vigorously to the relatives who are just oh-so-proud right now.  Sorry.  Not really.))

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry.  Sort of.

I know I toot my own horn a lot, I do have at least a degree from a correspondence school in shameless self-promotion, but seriously, this is the best thing ever.  I did not make all of it up, but if I did, I would walk around with a tattoo on my chest that reads, "I invented the best f*cking chicken ever."  I would then buy new boobs with the money I made from my chicken empire so more people would see that tattoo and then do something about world hunger, obviously.  ((No, I'm not a little manic, why do you ask?!))  Anyway, run, do not walk, to make this so you can chime in and I can sound less like a jackhole.

The pictures don't do this justice.

Disclaimer:  This is going to look and sound hard.  It is not.  My "student" ((that makes me laugh)) who I don't think had ever even made chicken that wasn't served in a bucket by the Colonel did this and so can you.  We are going to go slow, but it only takes about ten minutes to prep.  I swear.

What you need:

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1/2 cup of flour

Salt and pepper

1 tablespoons EVOO

3 tablespoon butter

2 eggs

1 lemon

1/3 cup fresh grated Parmesan

2 cloves of garlic, minced

2 slices of Proscuitto

1/2 can of artichoke hearts

2 tablespoons of capers

What you do:

Preheat the oven to 350.

Place the flour and a few cracks of both sea salt and pepper into a gallon sized baggie and set it aside for a second.  In a pie pan, beat two eggs and then add the Parmesan.  Stir it around a little so the Parmesan is mixed in with the eggs.

Put the olive oil and 1 tablespoon of butter in a large, FLAT skillet or frying pan.  Let it melt and get sizzle-y but for God's sake, watch it.  You do NOT want the butter to brown so pay attention.  

While that is getting sizzle-y, take your chicken breasts and throw them in the baggie with the flour.  Shake them around until they are coated.  Pull them out of the bag, one by one, and dip them in the egg mixture.  Throw them in the sizzle-y pan and let them go for only about 90 seconds to 2 minutes per side.  DO NOT F*CK WITH THEM.  Just let them be and don't move them around.  We are NOT trying to cook them, so don't worry.  After two minutes, they will flip over easily and there will be a nice, golden crust on them.   Do the other side and then remove them to a plate.

In that same pan, melt the two remaining tablespoons of butter.  Add the minced garlic and the juice from a lemon.  Let it simmer for about 2 minutes, scraping up the brown stuff from the bottom of the pan.

While that is simmering, take 2 pieces of foil that are like 8 inches long and arrange them in a baking dish, side by side.  Spray them very, very lightly with cooking spray and then place a chicken breast in each one.  Fold up the edges of the foil a little bit to start making a packet.  Pour the sauce you just made into the packets.  

Now add a slice of proscuitto to each packet.  Throw some lightly chopped artichoke hearts on top of that and a tablespoon of capers.  They are going to be rolling around and falling off, that's okay.  Throw a little bit more of the grated Parmesan on top and then add a very, very, very thin slice of lemon to the top.  Wad up the top of the foil to make it a packet.  It doesn't not need to be super tight.  In fact, I think the one that didn't quite close up entirely might have been the best.  ((This is the part I did make up.))

Bake them for 35 minutes.  At 35 minutes, pull them out and open up the packets.  Put them back in the oven for another 5 minutes.  Pull them out and prepare to die happy.

The chicken literally falls apart and doesn't require a knife.  So, so good.  Serve with some roasted asparagus and some plain long-grained rice.  The rice will pick up the extra juices from the chicken and you will look like you are some kind of a superstar.  You will also be pissed at all the money you have wasted on dried out chicken at restaurants.

You're welcome.  

Salmon with Dill Butter, Dante, and Assembly Lines

I adamantly maintain that Costco is the 6th circle of Hell and I apparently have pissed off someone, somewhere because I had to go there twice yesterday.  I'm not sure why I'm being punished because I've actually behaved quite well lately.  For me, anyway.  Regardless, the shopping is totally done for tomorrow but for the cherry tomatoes for the caprese salad skewers I'm making which means there is yet another trip in my future.  Hundreds of baby tomatoes aren't as easy to come by as you would think.   However, twenty pounds of cheese?  That's easy to find.  If I get a chance to come up for air tomorrow, I will go over the menu and some of the recipes.  Let's just say there is a LOT of construction/assembly involved, but it is going to be totally worth it.  My lovely, talented, and totally irreplaceable friend helped today and it is going to be amazing.  If I do say so myself.  And I did.  Again.

*****

Tonight I'm making salmon, clean living twice-baked potatoes with thyme, roasted asparagus, and apple crisp for a couple of friends.  Let's talk salmon.

As with most things,  I think simple is better.  This is definitely pretty straightforward and I highly doubt you can mess this up.  That said...

What you need:

Salmon steaks ((just go to the grocer or market and ask for and I quote, "I need decent looking salmon steaks that weigh like half a pound each."  If they ask follow-up questions, just nod and smile.))
A lemon
2 tablespoons butter
*Some* onion powder, garlic powder, black pepper, sea salt, cayenne, and dill

Go:

Preheat your oven to 350.

Start by taking a baking dish and placing foil in the bottom.  Spray the foil with cooking spray and then place the fish on it.  Sprinkle just a little of the onion powder and garlic powder on it ((I actually pour a little in my hand and then pinch it, to sprinkle it on.)).  Crack some black pepper and some sea salt over it.  Then look at the cayenne and think about it and that will be almost enough.  Seriously, just a tiny amount is more than enough.

Take your lemon and slice it as thinly as humanly possible.  It should be entirely see-through.  Layer this over the surface of the fish.

Cut a couple of small pats of butter and throw them on a plate.  Take ((preferably fresh, but dried is okay)) your dill and dump it on the butter.  You can use quite a bit.  Take those pats and put them on the side of the fish, not on top.  You do not want to drown the fish, although I suppose I could now derail into a long internal debate over whether it is in fact possible to drown a fish.  I digress.

Okay, here is my plan.  I do not yet know whether I will stick to this plan or not, and cooking times vary based on how thick your steaks are etc so just use the test I'm going to put at the end.  Bake it covered for 15 minutes.  Uncover, flip the steaks, and bake another 15-20 minutes uncovered.  ((I have no idea if this is actually accurate...  I wrote it in an email to myself in 2008 and I wasn't the most reliable person at that point.))

The fish is done when it flakes easily with a fork.  Meaning:  you can drag a fork across it and the little pieces come up separately and easily.

Let me add this.  You are NOT going to kill yourself or anyone else if it isn't cooked to the point of being salmon jerky.  I think a lot of people think if that if it is even slightly uncooked ohmyGod immediate death.  If it is too undercooked for your taste once you pull it out, throw it in the microwave for 30 seconds.  No, that's not the most glamorous thing to do, but that is better than psyching yourself out about it all night.  It's fine.  I'm sure of it.

Because this isn't going in for another hour ish, all I've got for you is a before picture.  But let me tell you, these cuts look LUSH.

This was prior to adding the dill butter...  

See-through lemons.  Now available.

All righty.  I must run to do something about myself prior to taking dinner over...  Wish me luck for tomorrow!

*****

Later:  I have to say the salmon turned out fantastic.  I ended up baking it uncovered for 35 minutes.  It was falling apart goodness at that point.  I then spooned more of the dill butter from the bottom of the pan back over it just prior to serving.  Hazzah!



 

Beef Enchiladas, Mean Girls, and More Paula

The beef enchiladas were also a big hit at the event I catered last night.  That sounds so official!  Oh wait.  I feel a tangent coming on...  I cannot even say how much I enjoyed doing this party.  I CANNOT get over the fact that people will pay me to go shopping ((my second favorite thing)) and cook stuff for them ((my favorite thing)) and then tell me how awesome it all is ((ALL RIGHT, yes, that is my overall favorite thing ever.))  What a great country.  However, I have to say, if someone with a crystal ball had told me three years ago that people would pay me to cook for them and I would love it, I would have asked if it was a contest for who can mess up a Lean Cuisine the most impressively.  Seriously.  I was tragic.  <End tangent.>

In trolling the internet for sugar daddies enchilada recipes, I saw two words which made me stop in my tracks.  Paula. Deen.  I simultaneously love her and loathe her.  I find her incredibly annoying, I have strong opinions ((shocking, I know)) on her cooking techniques and her undisclosed for two years diabetes, and yet, I can't quit her.  The original recipe was in her magazine and I have slightly modified it.  

Oh Paula.  

What you need:

2 tablespoons butter ((duh, Paula, duh))

1 large onion, chopped

3 garlic cloves, minced

1 lb super-lean ground beef

1 tablespoon chili powder

1/2 tablespoon crushed red pepper

1 teaspoon kosher salt

2 cans cream of chicken soup

4 roasted and diced green chiles ((or one can))

18 corn tortillas

2 10 ounce cans of red enchilada sauce  ((I used Trader Joe's))

1 16 ounce can of refried beans

4 cups monterey jack cheese, shredded

What to do:

Start by melting the butter in a saute pan, then add the onion and the garlic.   Cook them for about 5 minutes or until the onion is translucent and soft.  Add the beef, chili powder, and crushed red pepper and brown the beef, breaking it up as small as you can as you go.  

Technically, I suppose you should drain the beef at this point, but if you use a super-lean type, it probably won't be necessary.  I just tilted the pan so any fattiness would run to the side and used a baster to get it out.  There was very, very little and I probably didn't need to worry about it.  

Transfer the beef to a large bowl and stir in the two cans of soup and the green chiles.  ((I discussed roasting green chiles in the previous post.  DO IT.  It is so worth it.))  The original recipe called for chicken verde soup, but I couldn't find anything that even remotely resembled that, so I just used cream of chicken.  Cream of mushroom would probably work well and I seriously considered using that nacho cheese soup that I loved when I was about 9 years old.  I'm definitely doing that next time.  This was perfectly good, but why not have more cheese?  ((Says the woman with lactose intolerance.  Brilliant.))  

Spray an 11 x 17 pan with cooking spray and then layer 6 corn tortillas in the bottom.  

In a medium bowl, stir together the refried beans and one can of the enchilada sauce.  

Spread the bean mixture over the tortillas.  Sprinkle on one cup of the cheese.  Add another layer of six tortillas.  Cover that with the beef mixture.   ((Beef mixture sounds gross.  Sorry.))  Cover that with another cup of the cheese and then add another 6 corn tortillas.  Dump the entire remaining can of enchilada sauce on top and then sprinkle on the two remaining cups of cheese.  

Bake it uncovered at 350 for 30 minutes or until it is hot and bubbly.  

Allegedly, you can make this ahead and freeze it too.  

*****

In honor of all things Mean Girls...

I'd be more of a Paula convert if she swore a lot.  

*****

I suspect the sides are coming up next!  Or they may not.  I can't be boxed in.  Not without serious physical injury.  

Meatballs, Meatballs, and More Meatballs

Meatballs.  ((Yes, at this point I am just begging for google analytics to do some weird stuff, I can't help myself.))  Not to blow my own horn ((I just made it worse, didn't I?)), but my meatballs are really popular.  At a poker party I hosted last year, my ravenous friends went through six pounds of them in about two hours.  AND there were only twenty-five people here.  In fact, my brother almost moved across the country because of these meatballs.  So, they are pretty good.  I have witnesses.

Here's what you need:

3 pounds of lean pork or beef ((I prefer a combination of half and half))
1/2 cup of Parmesan
2 large slightly beaten eggs
1 cup Italian breadcrumbs
4 tablespoons of minced garlic
4 teaspoons of salt ((can use less))
2 teaspoons of black pepper
1 cup of milk
2 teaspoons dried oregano
4 teaspoons dried parsley
1 bottle of marinara sauce

What you do:

Set a crock pot ((two words, unlike "crackpot" as we previously learned)) to low and pour in one jar of marinara sauce.  You can use whatever kind you like.  I use the cheapest kind possible because I like to make a separate batch to actually serve with the pasta.  Why?  I'm weird.  Well that and as the meatballs cook, fat comes out into the sauce.  Some people find that amazingly yummy, I find it too fatty for my taste.

Mix all of the other ingredients ((and this is important)) with your bare, preferably clean, hands in a large bowl.  Yes, this is disgusting.  No, there is no option.  Yes, you can do it.  You're fine.  PS. Take your ring off first.  Helpful hint.

Shape the meat into small-medium sized balls ((so many jokes, let's not go there.))  They should be around an inch to an inch and a half in diameter.

Layer them in the slow cooker very carefully, put the lid on, and then WALK THE HELL AWAY.  I'm not kidding.  Do not mess with them.  Do not lift the cover for at least two hours or you will eff up the cooking time. Even after the two hours, do not screw with them!  They don't need to be "stirred" or "rearranged."  They are fine.  Leave them alone.

After six hours on low, I will grant you permission to pull out the fattest one from the top layer and cut into it to check for "doneness."  In my opinion, they are done when there is no longer any pink left.  Some people disagree, but it's my recipe and I'll write it how I want to.  They may need as long as eight hours depending on your slow cooker, the size of your balls ((sorry)), and the temperature when they went in.

As noted, I usually double this recipe.  You can freeze some right after rolling them and they come out just fine.  These are *definitely* better the next day and according to my brother Jeff, are the absolute best when eaten out of of the refrigerator in the middle of the night.

These do not need to be pre-seared.  As long as you do not eff with them in the slow cooker, they will not fall apart.

This recipe is based on one in the United Methodist Women's Cookbook from Groton, South Dakota which was typewritten! sometime in the 1980's.  They sooo don't have a website or I would link it.