Wine Poached Pears and TFN's Unintended Hilarity

You know, if I keep this up, people might get the impression I'm getting back in the groove.  It just might happen.  I am actually going to be making something for the first time in two weeks over the weekend, first for a barbecue and then I'm doing a dinner party Sunday, so we will see if I somehow lost whatever instinct I may have in Mexico.  I remain hopeful.

This was a dessert we also had in Manzanillo... This recipe is a combination of what we could discern from the staff with a little help from Epicurious.

Pretty, huh?

What you need:

4-6 peeled pears ((look for Bosc or Anjou))

1 1/2 cups of red wine ((I maintain you can use table wine or something you may not especially care for))

3/4 cups of granulated sugar

2 tablespoons of lemon juice 

2 teaspoons vanilla

2 teaspoons of cinnamon

What to do:

Add everything but the pears to a sauce pan and bring to a boil.  Once boiling, take the heat down to a simmer ((small bubbles)) and add the pears.  Simmer them for 10 or so minutes WITHOUT STIRRING.  ((Sorry about the yelling, but I know how you people are.  Fidgety.  That's how you are.  Fidgety.))  Turn the pears and continue simmering for another 8-10 minutes.  They are done when the pears are tender and forkable.  ((You remember forkability, right?  Right.))

Remove the pears from the pan and set aside to allow to cool.

Crank the heat back up and boil the wine sauce.  Keep boiling it until the total amount in the pan is cut in half.  ((That's called making a reduction.  Feel free to gloat.))

Arrange pears for serving and drizzle with the sauce.  If you are trying to impress someone or maybe even just impress yourself, top with marscapone, creme fraiche, or Devonshire cream ((not pictured.))

*****

That reminds me...  This morning I turned on the Food Network for some background noise/distraction.  There was some super cheesy ((not literally)) show on about making a romantic dinner.  The host/demonstrator then says something to the effect of, "Feel free to romance yourself, too!"  I almost lost a lung I was laughing so hard.  ((HI DEB.))

Quinoa Herbed Crab Salad, Mission: Perishable, and TGIF

I'm officially onto Mission: Eat All the Perishables before my epic trip of a lifetime ((quasi-redundant, don't care)) next week.  I suppose that isn't being terribly gracious to my house-sitter who will be here full time who is also an amateur boxer who adores my chow ((yes, that might be code for don't fuck with me in my absence)), but I'm guessing he doesn't eat a whole lot of bok choy anyway.  So, to that end, let's clean some more stuff out of the refrigerator into a crab quinoa salad.

  My original idea was to make something like crab salad that is typically served either on a croissant or stuffed into a bell pepper, but without the creamy, fatty goodness.  Mission accomplished.

What you need for 4 servings:

One cup of quinoa ((cooked according to package directions))

8 oz crab meat 

4 stalks of celery, chopped,

4 green onions, chopped

Fresh thyme 

Fresh basil

1 squeeze of lemon

1 tablespoon EVOO

Salt and pepper

Parmesan

What to do:

Rinse the quinoa thoroughly prior to cooking to remove the bitter coating.  ((FYI, Costco--the second circle of hell-- had a huge bag of quinoa when I was there a couple of weeks ago.  Target has been selling a small bag for 8 bucks.  This was at least 4 times the size, but not too big to store easily--I think 32 oz-- for about 14.  You're welcome.))  Cook according to the package instructions.

Chop the celery, onions, and herbs.  ((If I had red pepper, I would have put a little of that in as well.))  

For the crab meat, for the love of carbs, do not use that fake, imitation shit.  I won't be terribly offended if you use canned stuff, but just not that whitefish that they paint the edges pink.  That is disgusting.  We aren't going to be loading this up with dressing, so you want the actual ingredients to actually taste like something.  

Mix everything together with the olive oil and add a big old squeeze of lemon.  Refrigerate for at least an hour, preferably longer and re-stir prior to serving.  Top with a little bit of parmesan, because, why not?

This was just fine all on it's own ((I ate the leftovers right out of the tupperware for lunch the next day)),  but would be good on a bed of lettuce, stuffed in a red pepper, or in a pita.

  

Nutritional Info:  Approximately 300 calories, 5 grams of fat per serving.  ((Let me give a disclaimer.  I haven't been running these all through my ingredient calorie calculator.  For one thing, I usually don't name brands and the amounts used really vary.  My idea of "top with parmesan" is pretty light as you can see.  Yours is likely way different.  I also don't actually measure anything unless I am baking.  However, my estimations are pretty damn close.))

*****

This week has been kind of a bitch.  I'm not really sure why, other than that I had an extremely unpleasant task Thursday morning which really reaffirmed a lot of things in my mind.  But, it is going to be a great weekend... drinks with friends tonight, giving a cooking class Saturday afternoon, and cooking for a small-ish party Sunday evening.   Happy Friday!

Italian Kale Pasta Salad and a Declaration

It's hot. 108 degrees hot. The kind of hot where your eyeballs want to catch fire and you can't touch the steering wheel without potholders. It is definitely too hot to contemplate anything that involves an oven. Boiling water is actually the limit at the moment. So how about a make-ahead/stash in the fridge pasta salad?

What you need for 4 servings:

1 cup of pasta ((I used gemelli, but basically any kind will do))
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 bunch of kale, destemmed and shredded
1 cup of cherry tomatoes, halved
1/4 cup of pine nuts
2 tablespoons ((or so)) of Italian dressing ((I used Trader Joe's))
Salt and pepper
Parmesan

Cook:

Bring the water for the pasta to a boil and cook pasta according to package directions.

Spray a large-ish saute pan with cooking spray and add the garlic. Allow to cook until fragrant over a medium heat, about 4 minutes. Add the torn-up kale ((mine totally could have been torn more but I was multi-tasking)) to the pan with either a splash of water or a little chicken broth. Add a little salt and pepper. Cover and allow to steam until bright green... about 5 minutes on a medium setting.  Remove from heat and set aside.

When the pasta is done, put it in a colander and run under cold water ((or as close to cold as you can get. Tap water in AZ this time of year is still hot.))  Shake it thoroughly to remove as much of the water as you can and throw it in a large glass bowl.  Add the kale, tomatoes, pine nuts and the dressing, and toss. ((If you think it needs more dressing, that's fine by me. You won't hurt my feelings.)) Top with some Parmesan, cover, and refrigerate for at least an hour.

Nutritional Info: Under 250 calories per serving. WIN.

Again, this is one of those things you can add a lot of different things to. Artichoke hearts would be a very worthy addition, but either I am out or I didn't dig far enough in the pantry.

*****

Official Declaration: Today I am going to get my shit together. I've been pulled in about a hundred different directions and have the sense that I am not doing anything very well. ((I did confess this to someone over the weekend and was told that I was being ridiculous and that wasn't the case but that's how I feel, so there.)) Enough. So, by way of accountability, today I am going to submit the freelance stuff, schedule the final certification testing and hope my memory still works as well as it used to, and deal with a couple of annoying follow-up things that I have been neglecting. So be it. <<Magic wand waves.>>

Grilled Cheese for Grown-Ups, Linkage, and Being Banned

There is a wild and nasty rumor flying around Twitter and the Blogosphere that today is National Grilled Cheese Day. Now THIS is a valid and worthy commemoration befitting the Founders' spirit of a national holiday. It seems like everyone should get the day off or something in observance. Go home now. I'm closing the banks. Oh wait, my delusions of grandeur are showing again.

Plain grilled cheese sandwiches are definitely good and obviously have their place... But let's grow it up a little. Jules' Grown-Up Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

Grilled Cheese for Grown-Ups

What you need per sandwich:

2 slices of multi-grain bread
2 tablespoons of butter
1 tablespoon of pesto
4 slices of mozzarella cheese
2 slices of tomato ((I actually used cherry tomatoes cut into slices))
4 leaves of basil

Grill them up:

Start by pre-heating your pan of choice without spraying anything on it over a medium heat.  I have a sandwich press that I like.  It seals the edges and the sandwiches look nice, but it is a total bitch to clean because the plates aren't removable.  You can also use a grill pan with a press if you have one of those ((I'll put a link at the bottom if you decide you need one and I know you probably do)) or you can always just use a frying pan and smash the damn thing the old fashioned way.

Butter the two slices of bread on one slide.  Flip one piece over and "butter" it with the pesto.  ((My name is Jules and I'm a pesto-holic.  I seriously love that shit.)) Layer that side with the tomatoes, the basil, and then put the mozzarella on top.  Quick tip: slice your tomatoes as thinly as you can so that they actually warm up.  I hate it when there is cold crap inside a hot sandwich.  That might just be me though.

Carefully transfer that piece of bread to the pan.  ((Hopefully the mozzarella on top will keep you from spilling the contents.)) Grab the other slice and put it butter side up ((I don't know how elementary some of y'all might be.))  Smash it.  You can use the grill press if you have that, a smaller pan, or even a spatula.  But seriously, smash it down.

Let it cook for a couple of minutes, or just until when you peek at the bottom side, it is getting golden brown.  Flip it ONCE and toast the other side.  The cheese should be melty in another two minutes.

Cut it diagonally because that is the correct way to slice sandwiches.  If you do it up and down into "halves" I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

Melty Mozzarella

Nutritional Info:  Let's call it about 400 calories, but this will depend on the type of bread and the amount of butter, pesto, and cheese you use.  Not the lightest thing in the world, but that's okay.

 *****

In other news, my margarita chicken recipe was linked on Healthy Living Blogs' Wednesday Barbecue Recipes.   Some of the other recipes look good too.  Check them out.

In an act of shameless self promotion, if you are looking for a grill press or any other kitchen-type stuff, contribute to my pesto fund by shopping here, would ya? I started doing this primarily to earn free kitchen stuff for my ventures. To date, I have earned over $1,200 in free stuff, so help a girl out. Cookware is expensive.

What else? We managed to get temporarily suspended on Twitter which I found hilarious. I suppose most people wouldn't think so but I thought it was awesome. You can follow me to see if I manage to do it again... The sidebar should have a link. Username is @julia_steele. In further shameless self-promotion, you can always "share" these posts on social networking sites using the buttons below too. Please and thank you and have a lovely day.

I think that's all for today. I'm entering a fiction contest and I can't wait to get to work on it before I need to redirect my attention to the private cooking lesson I'm giving this Saturday and to the party I'm doing on Sunday evening. GOOD TIMES. My "work" is better than your work.

Shrimp Fried Rice, Ice Baths, and Yes, I'm Alive

Yes, yes, yes, I am alive.  Call off the search party...  What is odd though is that once I hadn't posted in a few days, I found myself not knowing how to resume.  So, I will just start.  That's probably the best way.

This weekend, I got the Asian pack from the co-op.  Unfortunately, I was in a hurry to unload everything because I was headed out of town, and failed to store things the right way.   A lot of stuff was just stuffed into the fridge.  Whoops.  So today when I pulled out the huge bunch of celery, it almost folded in half it was so limp.  It was pretty comical and I could actually hear a cartoon-style wilting noise as it happened.  Luckily, I knew how to revive it...  Ice bath.

If you have lettuce, cabbage, green onions, or celery that has wilted, it isn't garbage.  It can be brought back to life with an ice bath.  If you live in a cold climate, sometimes it will be sufficient just to run it under really cold water.  If that doesn't work or if you don't have cold tap water like we don't in Arizona, then you can give it an ice bath.  There are a couple of different ways to do it.  You can submerge it in a bowl of water with ice cubes for a few minutes and it will perk back up.  You can also get a little more drastic and cut off the end, submerge that end in the water/ice cubes ((think of it like putting a flower in a vase)), and watch it come back to life.

I had some leftover white rice, so I opted to make shrimp fried rice.

What you need for 2 main course servings or 4 side servings:

12 large COOKED shrimp, peeled, deveined, and tails removed

2 large eggs
Kosher salt
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 bunch scallions, chopped
1/2 of a small onion, chopped
1 tablespoon of peeled and minced ginger
4 stalks of celery, chopped
4 cups of napa cabbage, chopped
1 cup of shiitake mushrooms
1/4 cup of chicken broth
3 tablespoons of soy sauce
1/2 tablespoon of red pepper flakes
3 cups cooked white rice

What to do:

Start by marinating the shrimp in a little bit of soy sauce and the red pepper flakes and set aside.

Whisk the eggs in a small bowl with a little bit of salt.  Heat one tablespoon of the olive oil in a saute pan.  Add the eggs and let cook for one minute, without stirring, until it is almost set.  Flip it over and cook on the other side for about 30 seconds,  Remove to a cutting board and slice into strips.

Add the other tablespoon of olive oil to the pan and add most of the scallions, setting a few aside for garnish, the onion, and the ginger.  Let cook over a medium heat for a few minutes, until they start to get tender.  Add the celery and saute for about a minute.  Add the cabbage, the shiitakes, and a little chicken broth and allow it to steam and wilt, about 3-4 minutes.

Add in the shrimp, rice, and some additional soy sauce and stir until heated through.  Finally, add the egg back in and stir it around.  Remove to the plates and garnish with the remaining scallions.

**Obviously, you can add basically any veggies that you have to this...  Carrots, snap peas, or whatever.

Nutritional Info:  About 350 calories and 10 grams of fat as two main course servings.

*****

I will be wittier tomorrow...  I'm still recovering from the long weekend.  Add in the 108 degree heat and I'm spent.  I feel like the celery.  Maybe an ice bath would help me.

Turkey Po-Tacos, Turkey Tac-atoes, or Oh Lord Someone Else Name Something for Me

So about a thousand years ago, I came up with the idea to put taco meat and toppings on a baked potato  ((this certainly is not an original idea, I am well aware)) and we spent an unreasonable amount of time debating what they should be called with a fervor which should really be reserved for matters of national security.  I was adamantly lobbying for po-tacos.  <<Redacted>> was just as strongly committed to tac-atoes which he later modified to tac-aters.  Ridiculous argument that always lasted way after the meal was gone aside, but has remained memorable for at least seven or so years, these are quite good and good for you.

Not the most photogenic

What you need for 2:

2 large baking potatoes
1/2 lb of ground turkey burger
1 packet of taco seasoning
1/2 c of shredded Mexican cheese
Shredded lettuce
1/2 c of salsa
2 dollops of sour cream

Go:

Start by scrubbing the potatoes and then stabbing them with a fork a few times.  Set aside.

Brown the ground turkey until all of the pink is gone.  Add the taco seasoning packet and the water as directed on the packet.  RIGHT NOW, put the potatoes in the microwave and hit the "potato" button.  If you don't have a "potato" button, well, you are on your own.  Good luck.  Once the turkey and sauce come to a fast simmer, reduce the heat to low, cover, and let simmer until the potatoes are done.

When the potatoes are finished, remove them to a plate, slice them open, and smash them a little.  Top with the lettuce, turkey, Mexican cheese, salsa, and a little sour cream.

Potacos

Nutritional Info:   If you are using a large potato and go easy on the cheese and sour cream, let's call it 350 calories and 6 grams of fat.

*****

Let's see.... What else?  Submitted updated menus to a bed and breakfast this morning...  Working on another writing project...  Inhaling the LaPorte eBook like it is the air I breathe...  Worked a little bit on some blog redesign around here...  I *almost* know what I'm doing at this point!  Not really...  But now if you want to share a post on FB, Twitter, or Google Plus ((cuz EVERYONE uses GPlus)), there should be buttons below each post to do so.  I appreciate it when you do!  You even get a gold star in my Book of People That Don't Suck.

Panasonic Stainless Steel Countertop Microwave Oven - NNSD797S
GE Profile Spacemaker II Stainless Steel Microwave Oven - PEM31SMSS
Cuisinart Stainless Steel Countertop Microwave - CMW-100

Roasted Cherry Tomatoes with Balsamic and Basil, The Best Surprise EVER, and 6,000

I have been blatantly manipulated and lied to.  For months.  By my mother. ((Referred to around this place as Deb.))  And today I got the shock of a lifetime.  This:

That would be her grand piano that was forced to be abandoned in South Dakota a few years ago when she moved to Arizona.  The crazy broad ((HI DEB)) secretly had it shipped here over the past few months.  It apparently took quite the journey: South Dakota, Oregon, Washington, KENTUCKY (WTF?), and then finally Arizona.  I have to say I first screamed obscenities, then almost fainted, then had to get confirmation that was actually it, and then resisted the urge to burst into tears.  Apparently, half my family knew about it too and has shockingly been able to keep it quiet.  CRAZY.  They were also placing wagers on what my reaction would be...  I suspect my brother is probably the closest.

*****  

Want to see something else pretty?  Roasted cherry tomatoes with balsamic and fresh basil.

What you need:  ((Warning: very precise measurements ahead.  Write this down.))

1 big bunch of cherry tomatoes
1 sizeable drizzle of olive oil
1 sizeable drizzle of balsamic vinegar
A few cracks of pepper
A few cracks of sea salt
A handful or two of fresh basil

This couldn't be easier:

Preheat the oven to 400.

Spread the tomatoes out on a cookie sheet, and how about you use one that has sides on it?  Drizzle them with olive oil and balsamic and give them a roll around.  Crack on some salt and pepper.

Roast for about 15 minutes.

When done, add the basil.

THAT'S IT.

This is good warm, at room temp, or refrigerated.  

*****

Additional Business:  Someone remarked to me over the weekend that she has a hard time remembering to click on over to this wealth of knowledge...  You can subscribe via email ((there is a button to do that in the upper corner)) and new posts will be delivered to your inbox.  Do it.  Right now.  You wouldn't want to miss a bit of what is coming up...

Oh and did you know?  I'm sure you didn't...  In under 4 months, I have had 6,000 UNIQUE page views.  That's some effing crazy talk right there.  Hell, imagine if I actually got organized!  Until next time!

Cauliflower Mashed "Potatoes", Immersion Blenders, and Apropos of Nothing

Some days just call for mashed potatoes.  However, most days do not call for the calorie bomb that is mashed potatoes.  I had come across bloggers talking about using cauliflower as a substitute and was, frankly, really damn skeptical.  However.  However, however, however. This works.  I almost think you could fake someone out entirely with this recipe.

Mock Mashed Taters, Real Butter

I started with The Food Network's recipe for "Mock Garlic Mashed Potatoes" but then decided to make some modifications. 

What you need to serve 4-6:

1 medium-sized head of cauliflower, washed and cut into chunks

1 tablespoon cream cheese

1 teaspoon of minced garlic

1/4 cup of shredded Parmesan cheese

Salt and Pepper

1 tablespoon of butter

What to do:

In a large stock pot, boil the cauliflower, in pieces, for 6 minutes.  Remove to a strainer and drain as best as you can. ((TFN says you actually "dry" it by like wiping it down or something, but then says to add back in some broth.  Cut out the middle-man.  Don't dry it.  Eff that.))

Put the cauliflower into a large bowl and add the cream cheese, garlic, and parmesan.  Using an immersion blender* ((or a food processor if you don't have an immersion blender)), whip it together thoroughly until it is a creamy consistency.  Add salt and pepper to taste and then top with a pat of butter.  Maybe two.

*Immersion blenders are cool.  You should have one.  WTF is an immersion blender?  It is a hand-held wand thingy with blending attachments that you can put right into the bowl, pot, or whatever to blend things.  They come in useful for soups, mashed potatoes, fake mashed potatoes, blended drinks, and a bunch of other stuff.  There are pictures at the bottom...

The consistency of this is a LOT like mashed potatoes and honestly, it doesn't taste like cauliflower.  Give it a shot.  Don't tell your husband/kids what you are up to and see if they figure it out.  ((You can always break them in by using more cream cheese or butter.  Butter makes everything better.))  IF you follow the directions above, the entire bowl has only 500 calories.  Leave off the butter and you can save some more.  

***** 

And now, apropos of nothing, here is a picture from my yard.

I have not retouched the color on this or increased the contrast or saturation...  There are about 50 of these puppies blooming right now. 

All right.  I have more writing to do tonight and tomorrow is going to be kind of brutal so we can chat more later.  Happy Short Work Week!

*****

Sauteed Fiddlehead Ferns with Brussel Sprouts, Maryland Drivers, and an Intervention

This is a special guest post from the one and only Jessica!  Jess has a slight cooking and baking addiction, a resume that will stop traffic, and abandoned me for the East Coast this year.  Sigh.  I conned her into telling us about when she created a scene in a Farmers' Market over Fiddlehead Ferns.  Hmmm.  Who does that sound like?  No wonder we are friends!  

***** 

I need help…  I don’t  know if I can be helped…

I’m a foodie.  I’ve been a foodie ever since I can remember.  Growing up I would eat anything and everything; if it was put in front of me, I ate it.  In college, my budget was so strict that I taught myself how to cook and I learned that I love to cook.  However, my passion did not turn into obsession until I met Ms. Cooking is Alchemy (Ms. CiA is my nickname for her, tee hee.)  One day when I was complaining about how expensive fresh fruit and veggies are in the grocery she introduced me to Bountiful Baskets and hence an obsession was born.

In January 2012, on a whim, I moved to Maryland (who moves 2,500 miles away on a whim?  I do, that’s who).  January in Maryland is so grey, bland, and blah.  Not only was I missing my friends and family but I was missing Bountiful Baskets and Fresh & Easy.  In a fit of desperation, I searched for farmers' markets.  I thought that farmers' markets would not be open because it’s January, but I was wrong!  

That was when I was introduced to the 32^nd Street Farmers Market in the Waverly neighborhood in Baltimore and all my sensibilities disappeared.  Every other Saturday I go South on I-95 to Baltimore (by the way, I have come to the conclusion that Marylanders really don’t know how to drive.  There is a major car accident on I-95 every week and when I say major, I mean *cars flipped over and on fire* major.  Every – Single - Week. But I digress, Ms. CiA and I tend to do that.  You should be in the same room with us when we are having a conversation…I don’t think a story’s ever been finished) and the 32^nd Street Farmers' Market armed with cash, my reusable bags, a list, and my mantra “only buy what’s on the list.”  The list, the damn list never does its job; the damn list is never good enough.  As soon as I step within the border of the farmers' market, I turn into Head Monster Gatherer and I go crazy! Strawberries! Tomatoes! Grapes! Rhubarb! It’s all there and I can’t help myself.  I get into a zone that I can’t control and I have to visit every last booth!  Today I bought a bunch of celery. CELERY!  I don’t even like Celery and, to make matters worse, I don’t remember buying it!  IT’S NOT EVEN SOUP SEASON!  I told you, I need help…

Fiddlehead Ferns.  See? Aren't these so cute?  Looks like something Fern Gully would eat!

With my cash dwindling, I remembered that I had to buy almonds.  As I stepped away from the main part of the farmers' market, I ran into a tiny booth specializing in fungi.  My curiosity snapped me out of my gatherer zone and I stood there and spoke with the woman about the different mushrooms she had.  That’s when my eye caught the box of Fiddlehead Ferns and excitedly remarked- ok yelled- “THOSE ARE FIDDLEHEAD FERNS!”  The woman laughed and small group gathered to see what I was so excited about.  Fiddlehead Ferns are very rare, found in the wild in Vermont, and have a very short season (3 weeks in May!)  Awhile ago, I was introduced to Fiddlehead Ferns on Pinterest and I repinned never really believing that I would ever come across Fiddlehead Ferns.  Since they look so intriguing, I couldn’t walk away without them, so I bought some ($5 for 1 oz!).  I naturally posted my excitement of finding Fiddlehead Ferns on Facebook (haha “finding Fiddlehead Ferns on Facebook” say that five times fast!) and Ms. CiA asked me to write a guest post.  So, here you go.  My first guest post ever! Since I only bought one ounce, I’ve decided to sauté them with the two handfuls of Brussel Sprouts I grabbed as well.

Don't turn your nose up!  Brussel Sprouts are good and good for you!

Sauteed Fiddle Ferns and Brussel Sprouts

(I don’t use measurements so these measurements are approximate and I do all my cooking by “instinct” so times are approximate as well)

1 oz Fiddle Ferns

2 handfuls of Brussel Sprouts

2 Garlic Cloves, minced (I love garlic so I add more)

1 small onion, chopped

Olive oil – about 2 circles around the pan

½ cup of water

Salt and Pepper

Half a lemon (use the other half for a brown sugar whisky sour!)

1.      First, you need to clean the Fiddlehead Ferns under warm water and snip off any black spots.  Be sure to handle them with care as they are a bit tender.  Clean the Brussel Sprouts and cut off the bottoms.

2.     Put the Fiddlehead Ferns and Brussel Sprouts with ½ cup water in a sautee pan fitted with a lid.  Cover and steam over medium heat until slightly soft.  Feel free to shake the pan every so often (not too hard, remember, the ferns are tender.)  Steam for about 5 minutes.

3.     Remove from sauté pan and drain sauté pan of the water.

4.     Put sauté pan back on the heat and add extra virgin olive oil.  Once the olive oil is hot (not smoking) add your garlic and onions (don’t forget to stand there and smell the blissful scent of garlic sautéing in olive oil.) 

5.     Once the garlic and onions are soft, add the Brussel Sprouts. Sauté Brussel Sprouts until you can pierce with a fork (I like my Brussel Sprouts super soft so I sautéed these for a good ten minutes, at least.)

6.     Add the Fiddlehead Ferns and stir with Brussel Sprouts.

7.     Once the Fiddlehead Ferns and Brussel Sprouts are done, squeeze in lemon juice from the half a lemon, take off heat and stir up.

8.     Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste.

9.     Serve and enjoy!

The Puerto Rican Papi, one of the pickiest eaters I know, said that they tasted like sautéed spinach and he actually liked them!  I enjoyed them as well, they are crispy and bright.  They are pretty filling with the Brussel Sprouts and I will definitely make them again next May!

Mmmmmm, yummy!

*****

Jules here...  Thanks Jess!  Those look super good but frankly I think you should have delivered a sample to Arizona.  Oh well, next time.  

Side note:  If anyone makes anything fun or different or creates any scenes in any markets, we all want to hear about it!  Either leave a comment or email me at juliasteele12@gmail.com and I will get back to you!

Grilled Artichokes, Herbed Lemon Aioli Dipping Sauce, and The Most Random Week Ever

Is everyone enjoying their long weekend?  You better be.  It's a beautiful day here in sunny Arizona... mid 80's.  We always hang on tight to these last few days before the constant streak of triple-digit days hits.  I've been here for over ten years now.  At this point, I'm fine up to 108 degrees.  It really doesn't bother me and it's not unusual to find a lot of us wearing jeans or full black suits in that weather.  But let me tell you, when you walk outside at midnight and it is still 102?  That's just effed up.  True story.

On our theme of hot weather meals, let's do an appetizer.  Grilled artichokes with a lemony garlicky dipping sauce.    If you have never handled a fresh artichoke before, it can be a little scary.  It's thorny, it has something they actually call a "choke" in it because it will attempt to choke you to death, and it just looks kind of weird.  BUT.  Don't be afraid.  It's actually pretty easy.

Grilled artichoke hearts

Prepping an artichoke:

Put about two inches worth of water on to boil.

Using a very sharp knife, cut off the top two inches of the artichoke, where it comes to a point.  Then, using a scissors, go around the outside of the artichoke and snip off the very ends of the leaves to remove the sharp pointy part.

Throw the artichoke in the boiling water and let it steam for 15 minutes to get it softened up.

Now we will put together the dipping sauce...

What you need for the dip:

2 tablespoons of mayo
2 tablespoons of dijon mustard
1 clove of garlic, minced
1 big squeeze of lemon
1 teaspoon of so of fresh thyme
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix all of the above together in a small bowl and store in the refrigerator while we finish up.

Mayo, dijon, garlic, lemon, and fresh thyme

Right now.  Yes, NOW.  Go turn on the grill.

When the 15 minutes is up on the steaming, very carefully remove the artichoke to a cutting board.  Let it cool down for a couple of minutes or you can be impatient like I am and use a dishtowel to hold onto it for the next part.

In a bowl, mix together 2 tablespoons of olive oil and a squeeze of lemon and set aside.

Using a large knife, cut the artichoke in half, length-wise.  When you open it up, you will see this weird shit inside that looks kind of like hair or very fine straw.  YOU GOTTA GET RID OF THAT CRAP. Using a spoon, start scooping it out and throwing it away.  You need to get all of the "hair," which is actually called the "choke" out of there.  Scrape against the bottom of the artichoke pretty firmly to get it all and then curse when it goes flying across the room.  You can also scrape out the little tiny interior leaves that are attached to it at the same time.  You are done when it looks hollowed out and there is no more "hairy shit" inside it.

Brush the artichoke on all sides with the olive oil and lemon juice mixture.  Sprinkle with a little salt and pepper.

Time to grill.  Finally.  Put the artichoke on a medium heat grill, cut side UP, for ten minutes.  Flip the halves over and grill another 5 minutes.

Pretty

Serve with your dip as a light appetizer.  I'd say one artichoke probably serves about 2 people depending on the size.  

Nutritional Info:  The artichoke is practically a freebie.  The entire quantity of the dip is about 300 calories and this makes enough dip for 4 artichokes.

*****

The over-arching list of what I have to do this week looks like it belongs to a schizophrenic.  Everything from handling a hearing in a homicide case to making meatballs for Good Doggy Gourmet to doing a wedding reception for 50 to Gaga only knows what.  It should be an interesting week!

By the way, not to self-promote too much... But if you are in need of a good knife or knife set, you can help your pal Jules out by ordering off my website.  Pretty please?    


 

Bloody Mary Salad, My Salad Soulmate, and Memorial Day Weekend

So yesterday I went on a rant about how I had discovered my salad soulmate and as promised, here you are.  This, my friends, is a new high in lows.  Bloody. Mary. Salad.

What you need for about 4 side servings:

4 tomatoes, chopped
2 stalks of celery, chopped
1/4 cup of red onion, chopped
2 tablespoonsWorcestershire sauce*  ((damn is that hard to spell))
2 tablespoons vodka ((yep))
1 tsp celery salt
fresh cracked pepper
squeeze of lime

Drink your salad:

Throw everything in a bowl, mix it around, cover and refrigerate for at least a couple of hours.  Now, if there are going to be kids around, it would behoove me to tell you to leave out the vodka ((I know, it's just a little)), but you do as you please.

There are several recipes posted for this ((once I heard of it and started googling,)) but this is based on the way I make a bloody mary.  There are tons of things you could add based on typical garnishes for the drink:  pickled peppers, cocktail onions, pickled asparagus, BACON, pepperoni, etc etc etc.

*I used way more Worcestershire because I love it almost as much as Patrick Swayze.  Almost.

*****

It's Memorial Day weekend.  Be a peach and in between enjoying your long weekend and relaxing, take a moment to remember why we have this weekend, wouldya?

Banana Soft Serve Ice Cream, Technical Issues, and Drinking the Kool-Aid

I've been worshipping at the house of Marie Forleo lately.  Big time.  If you don't know who she is, and I didn't until very recently, she is an entrepreneur who now specializes in teaching people, women in particular, about how to grow their online businesses, even if you don't have a clue about anything, but you have a great idea that you really believe in.  ((That is a terrible summary, but if you are a woman looking to grow your business, go drink her Kool-Aid.  Chug it.  It's delicious.))  One of the things she said in one of the initial presentations has really stuck with me:  Everything is figure-out-able.  Holy shit, truer words.

I've spent the last two days figuring it out.  Figuring what out?  Everything.  When I started this blog, it seemed like a gigantic undertaking.  I didn't know how to set one up, how to add pictures, how to get a name, how to get anyone to actually see it, nothing.  Yet, in the past couple of days, I have been working on my website, adding features to it, getting the Twitter feed added to both it and this blog, and building an entirely new site from scratch.  I do NOT know how to write code.  Shit, I don't even really know what that means.  Yet, somehow, I've done it.  Oh and Google is amazing.  You can type the stupidest question ever in and there is someone as dumb as you are who necessitated step-by-step instructions with pictures being written.  Brilliant!  ((By the way, go check out the new site.  It is still a work in progress, so don't judge me too harshly!))

*****

Speaking of figuring things out, you should really make this:  Fake soft serve ice cream that I swear on Beyonce's vocal cords does not taste like fake soft serve.  I originally saw this idea on Pinterest somewhere, but didn't pin it.  After reading about it, I started trying to re-create it many, many times to a series of glorious fails.

Photo via Pinterest

What you need:

Frozen over-ripe bananas ((3-4))
1 cup of some kind of berry ((blue berries, strawberries, blackberries))
A food processor ((mandatory))

What to do:

Put the frozen bananas and berries in a food processor and start pulsing it.  Don't rush this because it changes consistency FAST.  As it pulses, you will see if break up into little dots... that's your signal that it is almost done.  A few more pulses and seriously, you will get what is pictured above.  It is smooth and creamy like real ice cream.  It doesn't have a strong banana taste at all.  In fact, you will be hard pressed to detect the banana taste at all.

Now let me tell you what doesn't work:  letting the bananas soften up out of the freezer, using a blender ((not sure why)), adding milk, adding ice, adding Splenda or some other sweetener.  There were a bunch of us on Facebook that were trying to accomplish the result pictured above and it really is best to keep it simple.

This is the PERFECT summer treat for people who can't do dairy or who are looking to cut a few calories.  This is approximately 200 calories for a single serving ((the proportions given above)) and no  fat.  Smart, right?  Right.

*****

Okay, back to doing some more editing!



  

Blackberry Cobbler, Blackberry Sauce, and Deep Seated Dreams

Tell me just how sick this is:  I had a dream about blackberry cobbler.  A very vivid, very detailed dream about eating cobbler.  No, this isn't some messed up, deeply seated... ((Is it "seated" or "seeded?"  Hold on.  Googling.  Don't you love stream of consciousness writing?  Me too. Oh hell, apparently there is a raging linguistic debate on this topic.  In the sense I am using it, deep seated is correct, however, it is pronounced as "seeded."  Well, well, well.  Huh.))  As I was saying, this isn't some messed up, deeply SEATED metaphor for sex, creative angst, or unresolved issues with my father, it was just that:  Cobbler.  With blackberries.  And real whipped cream.  With blackberry sauce.   I need a Food Network intervention.  

DREAMS COME TRUE!

This is so ridiculously easy, even a seven-year-old can do it.  In fact, it is so basic I have it memorized which is probably a bad thing because one day I'm dreaming of cobbler, the next day I'm making it in my sleep.  Recipe from the Pioneer Woman with a couple of twists.

What you need:

1 cup of flour

1 tsp of baking powder

1 pinch of salt

1 cup of sugar

1 cup of milk

1 stick of melted butter

2 cups of blackberries

**An additional 1/4 cup of sugar for the topping ((optional))

What you do:

Preheat the oven to 350.

Butter an eight inch square baking dish well.

Mix everything BUT the blackberries together.  Pour the batter into the baking dish.  Drop the blackberries in, attempting to spread them out so they are evenly distributed.  ((If you have just washed them, you don't need to dry them, just shake as much water off as you can.))  Top by sprinkling with an additional 1/4 cup of sugar if you want to.  I actually used a little less.

Bake for 60 minutes or until the top is golden brown.  

HOW FRACKING EASY WAS THAT?!

Want to make it really pretty?  Add a blackberry sauce drizzled over it or make one of those swirly plate decoration things for it.   This recipe is from cooks.com.  

What you need:

2/3 c. butter, melted

1 1/2 tbsp. cornstarch

1 1/4 c. sugar

Dash of salt

1/4 c. orange juice

2 c. fresh or frozen blackberries

What to do:

Start by melting the butter in a saute pan.  Add in the cornstarch and whisk them together.  Add all the remaining ingredients and cook over low heat, stirring constantly ((yes, this part sucks)), until it is thickened.  This will take at least ten minutes, maybe a little longer.  

Once thickened, run the sauce through a very fine mesh sieve to remove the seeds and the stems.  ((I didn't do this the first time I made it and I liked it fine.  I thought the seeds made it look cool.))  

Store in a tupperware container in the refrigerator.  This will make about 2 cups so you will have plenty left over for pancakes, French toast, ice cream, or random spoonfuls.  ((Once refrigerated, it gets kind of solid.  Just micro it for a few seconds to get the consistency back.))

Definitely top with real whipped cream and serve warm.

*****

All right,  I have a bunch of things to accomplish this afternoon.  The fact that it is going to be 110 degrees is NOT helping.  GAH.  More cobbler, please.

***** 

Spinach Salad with Apricots and Kiwi Vinaigrette, PIC's, and Taste Testers

I am totally, completely, and utterly ((and probably a few other superlatives)) one of those people that once I get an idea in my head, I can't shake it.  That probably explains a lot of things, right?  I'm in that frame of mind on a couple of projects right now.  I really don't know what the hell I did with myself "before."  I honestly cannot fathom what I was doing with my time other than completely wasting it.  I'll give you an update once it crystallizes a little more.  Which will probably be by tomorrow.  Or maybe before I finish writing this post.  We shall see.

*****

Today I threw together a quick salad and came up with a new vinaigrette which turned out much better than I expected.  A spinach salad topped with apricots and kiwi with a kiwi vinaigrette.

What you need for two servings:

One bunch of spinach, thoroughly washed and chopped
6 apricots, sliced into quarters
4 kiwis, peeled and sliced
2 tablespoons EVOO
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
Black pepper

What to do:

Assemble the salad with the spinach, all of the apricots, and two of the kiwis.

Using your blender, throw in the other two kiwis, the olive oil, and the vinegar.  Pulse it several times to combine.  Add a few cracks of black pepper and sample.  Pour the vinaigrette over the salad and that's it!

Obviously, there are tons of things you could add to this salad:  grilled chicken, shrimp, almonds, dried cranberries, candied walnuts maybe.  Whatever strikes your fancy.  Some people might prefer to strain the seeds out of the dressing... I thought they were good and added some nice texture.  Again, up to you.

I couldn't begin to tell you when the last time was I had apricots.  My rough guess is somewhere in the 80's.  So, so good.

Nutritional info:  Superstar.  Approximately 200 calories and 4 grams of fat as shown here.

*****

I'm making dinner for a friend tonight.  I was digging through my email folder entitled "Recipes" and came across something I saved entitled "Lick Your Plate Italian Piccata."  I don't think I made it before, but I could be wrong.  Doing that with some rice, a caesar salad, fresh bread, and more souffles.  Yes, I know it is rough being one of my guinea pigs.  Tough job.

Rum and Coconut Banana Bread, TJ Terrors, and Mother's Day

I'm sure all of your children are complete angels, but Christ on a crutch, if you are one of the assholes who lets them run around Trader Joe's with those little miniature carts when the place is PACKED as they are screaming bloody murder and you are immersed in a ridiculously loud cell phone conversation, I will never speak to you again.  The produce section is not the bumper car area.  GAH.  I had to get that off my chest.  ((Yes, I know the obvious answer is that I'm the idiot who chose to go there on Saturday afternoon, but some things can't be helped.  Not. My Fault.))

*****

An incident such as that requires baking therapy.  Wait.  Strike that.  More boozy baking therapy.  Let's do rum and coconut banana bread.  This recipe came from My Baking Addiction and just seemed like a really good idea.

Not the most photogenic stuff, but ohmygod, you should smell it...

What you need for one loaf:


2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup light brown sugar, slightly packed
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3 tablespoons dark rum  ((I should admit right here that the pourer fell out of the bottle as I was measuring over the mixing bowl and there might be more.  Oopsiedoodle.))
2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas (about 4-5 bananas)
1 cup sweetened shredded coconut

What to do:

Preheat the oven to 350 and butter and flour a loaf pan.  ((WTF does butter and flour mean?  Here's how I do it.  Take a stick of butter and hold it in a paper towel.  Rub it all over every surface of the pan.  It doesn't have to be shellacked, but get a good layer on there.  Then take a little scoop of flour and put it in the pan.  Shake that bastard around so the flour coats the bottom and the sides.  Then turn it upside down over the sink and tap out the excess.))

Using your mixer, combine the butter and the brown sugar until it is light and fluffy.  This will take about two minutes.  Add the eggs, vanilla, rum and bananas and combine well.

((At this point, you are going to think this crap looks terrible.  It has a weird consistency prior to adding the dry stuff.  It's fine.  Don't worry about it.))

In a large bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon.  Using a rubber spatula, add the flour concoction to the mixing bowl with the banana stuff in it.  It will take some muscle to get this mixed together because you are doing it by hand, not with the mixer at this point.  Pay attention.  Be sure you are scraping the hell out of the bottom and the sides.  Finally, fold in the shredded coconut.

Pour it into your loaf pan and bake for 60-65 minutes or until a toothpick or cake tester comes out clean.  Cool it on a rack in the pan.  It will tip out easily once it is cool.  If you live in the desert, I highly recommend storing it in a baggie in the refrigerator.  If you don't, well, you are on your own.  The fridge couldn't hurt though.

Nutritional Info:  Booze calories don't count.  Oh wait, that's not right.  If you cut this into twelve pieces, I would call it about 250 per slice.  Yikes.

*****

Not sure if you knew, but Mother's Day is tomorrow.  Or maybe today depending on when you read this.  Or maybe it was six months ago if you are just catching up.  Hi person in the future!  I've taken on quite an undertaking for dinner tomorrow.  Let's just say I've already spent two hours on it today between making marinades, chopping veggies, making pastry creme, and making a blackberry reduction ((which I'm thinking would be AMAZING on pancakes.  Or crepes.  YES, FUCKING CREPES.  Great, now I have to make crepes tomorrow in addition to everything else.  I hate it when I have excellent ideas.))

Happy Mother's Day!      

Bruschetta, Slobbery Success, and Craft Projects

Today I scored almost ten pounds of cherry tomatoes from my friend Shannon's garden.  ((Oh the stories we have on each other.  Holy shit.  We could blackmail each other for the the rest of our lives.))  Do you have any idea how many tomatoes that is?  Like a million and twelve.  More or less.  They seemed perfectly suited to making a huge vat of bruschetta topping for a party tomorrow...

What you need:

A crapload of cherry tomatoes ((or maybe like 4 cups worth))
1 small to medium red onion
2 cloves of garlic
1-2 handfuls of fresh basil
2 tablespoons EVOO
4 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
Sea salt
A loaf of Italian bread or pre-made crostinis

What you do:

After thoroughly washing everything, commence the tedious process of chopping the cherry tomatoes.  I was cutting each into 8 pieces.  ((Yes, it took until twelve minutes after forever.))  Dice them up as finely as you have patience for.  Don't freak about the seeds.  A lot will come out as you cut them, but no big deal.

Chop the red onion finely, mince the garlic, and cut the basil into strips.  Take a minute to recognize how fracking deee-lightful fresh basil smells.  

Throw everything into a large storage container.  Add the olive oil, the balsamic, and give it a couple of cracks of sea salt.  ((Now, I love me some balsamic.  Actually, any vinegar, but balsamic in particular.  Accordingly, I put a lot on.  You can use less.  In fact, you can adjust anything you want!  It's basically a free country unless you are a woman, a minority, a non-heterosexual, have a disability, or are just generally kind of weird.  Anyway.))  Toss it all together and then cover tightly and refrigerate overnight for the flavors to get all lovey dovey together.

When you are ready to serve, smear a couple of spoonfuls on top of sliced Italian bread.  Throw them under the broiler for a couple minutes.  You can also buy pre-made crostini thingies.  I also think this would be good on grilled chicken, a salad, or really most anything.  See previous comment regarding the freeness of this country.  I don't think "freeness" is a word.  Again, refer back to previous statement.

Nutritional Info:  This is basically a freebie...  2 tablespoons ((without bread)) would only be about 60 calories.  Go wild.

*****

As I mentioned yesterday, I delivered the Slobberloaf packages yesterday.  Dog #1 went insane and then proceeded to spit all the dry kibble out and follow me around the house until I left.  Dog #2 ((who is toothless)) loved it and took some out of my hand as I was crumbling it into his bowl.  Dog #3 wrote me a love letter on Facebook.  I have another 6 pounds cooking right now and I cannot get my dog to quit staring at the oven.  I actually think this batch will be better because I used a slightly fattier type of ground beef.  Once it cools, I'm going to figure out how to package it and get it delivered for sale tomorrow!  

*****

I have an assignment for you.  You need to make these:

Yes, that would be a mason jar super-glued to a candle stand.  BRILLIANT.  I shall be scouring Goodwill stores for candle stands in my free time.