Friday, April 20, 2012

Really. Don't bother reading this. Stream of consciousness at its best.

No time, nor energy for a real post today, but I will give you the following information in bullet point format that you may or may not find useful:

  • When a plumbing disaster breaks out in the kitchen sink in the midst of a bakeathon, just surrender and call the plumber immediately.  Do not wait, do not pass go, just call.
  • If the plumber has to snake the drain 3 times and keeps saying, "Wow, this is really plugged" and then does an actual happy dance when the drain finally clears with that weird sucking sound, don't be afraid.  He enjoys his work.  This is a good thing.  
  • Be aware that every disaster is also an opportunity:  The plumber's wife is an event planner and he left with a stack of my culinary business cards for her and a loaf of banana bread.  
  • If you have heard a nasty rumor that I am "lazy," those people are full of shit.  Today I made 8 loaves of zucchini and banana bread, 4 dozen apple oatmeal muffins, 8 dozen peanut butter cookies, 2 dozen corn flake muffins, and 5 lbs of organic dog treats which is probably over 800 individually cut out treats. I have stalled only because I have gone through 18 eggs and 10 lbs of flour AND the dog treats use a different type of flour.  There were also a series of kitchen dance parties, primarily to Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers.
  • The "more supportive" ((read: ugly)) shoes do not appear to be helping.  I finally resorted to moving my super squishy ((and overly expensive)) bath mat into the kitchen.  I need an opportunity to register for gifts so I can request one of those gel standing mat things.
  • If you are a moron and set out to make bran muffins and discover you do not in fact have bran, but have already started mixing stuff, corn flakes are a viable, but not preferable, replacement.
  • Practicing what you are making for a segment that is being filmed without swearing is not as easy as originally thought.  The cooking part is easy.  The not swearing?  Not so fucking much.  Shit.
  • Be careful when you send text messages that it is actually going to the correct recipient or you might find yourself trying to explain yourself and finally giving up and saying, "I have a totally reasonable, rational, and innocent explanation but you aren't going to believe me anyway so I'll just be a client and say, "These aren't my pants and the cops are lying."  ((Said text had nothing to do with either pants or police contact...))
  • It will scare the hell out of your family who all have the initials JBS that you have discovered that Julia Beth Steele also fits the profile.  ((My brothers are actually half-brothers and have a different last name.))
  •  Writing really disjointed posts is surprisingly liberating.  
  • Your mom went to college.
Okay, friends.  I give up for the evening.  I have to hit the ground running tomorrow to do the shopping for the cooking segment, make sure the house and myself are film presentable, figure out what the frack I am going to wear, shop for the Brunch and Trunk Show on Sunday, and oh good Lord, I can't think about it anymore.  

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