Cheesy Mexican Hash Brown Potatoes, "I Have a Cooking Blog?!" and a List of Excuses

WAIT.  I have a cooking blog?!  Who updates it when I flake out for a couple of weeks?  Oh.  No one?  OOPS.  Ready for a list of excuses that will be interesting to exactly no one?  That's what I thought.

1.  It's hot.  It's like 108-112 degrees hot.  It is damn near impossible to confront a hot grill, an oven, or even to boil water when it is that hot.  It also kills your appetite.  I assumed ((rightly, I believe)) that no one was interested in a recipe for Cheerios from the box.  Or a store-bought popsicle.  If you are, well, you have other issues that I don't feel capable of addressing at this time.  Maybe later though.

2.  I broke up with the co-op which apparently provided a lot of my inspiration.  The suppliers had a rough early summer... quantities went way down, the quality went down, and it was no longer the massive savings that it typically is.  The other thing is that the people there had gotten too familiar with me.  What used to be a less than 5 minute in and out/pick up the shit and go turned into 20-30 minutes because of all the chatting and asking for advice.  I realize this is actually a compliment, but I just don't want to be that chatty at 7 am on a Saturday.  When I relocate next week, I will pretend not to speak English.

3.  Negative comments.  I understand that the Internet is a place where people can hide behind anonymity and I know that ((like everyone else who publishes shit on the internet)) people will sometimes be horrible to me.  I purposefully moderate the comments so that a bunch of negativity doesn't get spewed by ugly people who seriously need a hobby.  Well, two negative comments got under my skin last weekend and I went on strike.  If you don't like the way I swear, what I make, the randomness of any of it, just don't read it.  I'm really not that interesting anyway.

4.  Did I mention it is hot?

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That said, let's make something.  In typical style, I set out to make one thing and ended up with something completely different.  The plan was to make breakfast burritos with Italian sausage, but it turned out my eggs were closer to being chicks than eggs, the milk was expired, and defrosting the sausage at that point seemed like a waste of time.  ((Must go to Trader Joe's.  Stat.))  Instead I ended up with cheesy Mexican hash brown potatoes.

What you need:

16 ounces of hash brown potatoes ((I prefer the refrigerated kind, not the frozen ones.))
1 tablespoon of butter
1/2 cup Mexican style shredded cheese
1/2 cup salsa
1 tablespoon chopped jalapeno pepper
Salt and pepper

What to do:

Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium to high heat.  Add the potatoes in a thin layer and smash them down with a spatula.  ((The instructions call for vegetable oil to "fry" them in, but that's just gross.))  Let them cook for 6-7 minutes, or until they get golden brown and crispy on the bottom side.  Oh and leave them alone!  Don't be stirring them all around or anything.  Let it be.  Put a few cracks of salt and pepper on top.

Flip the potatoes over ((if it breaks up, that's totally fine)) and cook for another 5-6 minutes.  Again, add a little salt and pepper.

Smash them up a little and add the salsa and the jalapeno.  Stir it around and add the cheese.  Let cook just until the cheese is melty and gooey.

This can be eaten as a side dish or on a tortilla.  ((The original plan was to mix this with scrambled eggs  and browned sausage...  I'm sure that would be even better.))

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I'll be back some time with something!  ((Just kidding.))  I *believe* we are doing a photography shoot next weekend so there will be much to look forward to.

Rum and Coconut Banana Bread, TJ Terrors, and Mother's Day

I'm sure all of your children are complete angels, but Christ on a crutch, if you are one of the assholes who lets them run around Trader Joe's with those little miniature carts when the place is PACKED as they are screaming bloody murder and you are immersed in a ridiculously loud cell phone conversation, I will never speak to you again.  The produce section is not the bumper car area.  GAH.  I had to get that off my chest.  ((Yes, I know the obvious answer is that I'm the idiot who chose to go there on Saturday afternoon, but some things can't be helped.  Not. My Fault.))

*****

An incident such as that requires baking therapy.  Wait.  Strike that.  More boozy baking therapy.  Let's do rum and coconut banana bread.  This recipe came from My Baking Addiction and just seemed like a really good idea.

Not the most photogenic stuff, but ohmygod, you should smell it...

What you need for one loaf:


2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup light brown sugar, slightly packed
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3 tablespoons dark rum  ((I should admit right here that the pourer fell out of the bottle as I was measuring over the mixing bowl and there might be more.  Oopsiedoodle.))
2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas (about 4-5 bananas)
1 cup sweetened shredded coconut

What to do:

Preheat the oven to 350 and butter and flour a loaf pan.  ((WTF does butter and flour mean?  Here's how I do it.  Take a stick of butter and hold it in a paper towel.  Rub it all over every surface of the pan.  It doesn't have to be shellacked, but get a good layer on there.  Then take a little scoop of flour and put it in the pan.  Shake that bastard around so the flour coats the bottom and the sides.  Then turn it upside down over the sink and tap out the excess.))

Using your mixer, combine the butter and the brown sugar until it is light and fluffy.  This will take about two minutes.  Add the eggs, vanilla, rum and bananas and combine well.

((At this point, you are going to think this crap looks terrible.  It has a weird consistency prior to adding the dry stuff.  It's fine.  Don't worry about it.))

In a large bowl, mix together the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon.  Using a rubber spatula, add the flour concoction to the mixing bowl with the banana stuff in it.  It will take some muscle to get this mixed together because you are doing it by hand, not with the mixer at this point.  Pay attention.  Be sure you are scraping the hell out of the bottom and the sides.  Finally, fold in the shredded coconut.

Pour it into your loaf pan and bake for 60-65 minutes or until a toothpick or cake tester comes out clean.  Cool it on a rack in the pan.  It will tip out easily once it is cool.  If you live in the desert, I highly recommend storing it in a baggie in the refrigerator.  If you don't, well, you are on your own.  The fridge couldn't hurt though.

Nutritional Info:  Booze calories don't count.  Oh wait, that's not right.  If you cut this into twelve pieces, I would call it about 250 per slice.  Yikes.

*****

Not sure if you knew, but Mother's Day is tomorrow.  Or maybe today depending on when you read this.  Or maybe it was six months ago if you are just catching up.  Hi person in the future!  I've taken on quite an undertaking for dinner tomorrow.  Let's just say I've already spent two hours on it today between making marinades, chopping veggies, making pastry creme, and making a blackberry reduction ((which I'm thinking would be AMAZING on pancakes.  Or crepes.  YES, FUCKING CREPES.  Great, now I have to make crepes tomorrow in addition to everything else.  I hate it when I have excellent ideas.))

Happy Mother's Day!      

Sangria, Shows, and Sugar Highs

The brunch and trunk show can be deemed a success!  I think I had about 30 people here for brunch and some day-drinking by the pool while shopping.  As previously mentioned, I had gone on a massive bake-a-thon to sell baked goods and promote my new venture; Tammi brought jars of preserves, apple butter, and some of her crocheted items; Allie brought her Elodee headbands and hair clips; and Brandi had jewelry.  Everyone thought it was a great idea and a good way to get together.  I will definitely be doing it again.

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It is HOT.  I think we hit 105 today.  You know what that means:  It is officially pool time in Arizona.  While I understand the allure of a cold beer by the pool, sometimes you need something a little fancier.  Today, I made white wine sangria.

Previously described as summer in a glass...  Also pictured, fresh limeade.

What you need:

One LARGE bottle of white wine
Diet Gingerale
Various Fruits  ((suggestions:  orange, lime, strawberries, grapefruit))

How to:

When shopping, look for the biggest and probably the cheapest bottle of white wine you can find.  I found Barefoot Pinot Grigio in a 1.5 liter bottle for 7 bucks so I went with that.

The night prior, pour the wine into a glass pitcher.  If you are using a normal person sized bottle, it will only fill one pitcher about halfway and you will really feel ripped off.  I split the 1.5 liter into two separate pitchers.

Cut up various kinds of fruit.  You can really use anything that you have.  In the pic above, I used oranges, limes, frozen raspberries, and strawberries.  For today ((pictured below)), I used oranges, strawberries, lemon, and kiwi.   ((I intended to throw in some mango, but they were past their prime.))

Take the fruit and squeeze the living bejeezus of it into the pitcher.  You can also take a wooden spoon and smash the hell out of it in the pitcher as well.  This will not result in the prettiest presentation though.  If you want it to look more "polished" or something ((I can't come up with a better word)) don't smash it, just throw it in.  Refrigerate overnight, covering the top of the pitcher with a piece of saran wrap.  I usually secure it on with a rubber band as well since for some reason saran wrap doesn't always seal that tightly.

The following day, fill the pitcher the rest of the way with diet gingerale.  Give it a few stirs and add a few handfuls of ice.  Done!  Some people add more sugar to it, but I think that is completely unnecessary.  We are sugary enough.  I'm drawing the line.  

Here's a kind of crappy picture that I took today:

Both of these pitchers disappeared within about an hour, so I'm going to assume they were good!  ((I personally was into the strawberry vodka lemonade which was also really fracking good.))

*****

Okay kiddos.  It is time to get serious.  I have 60 days to pull my act together so here we go: CLEAN LIVING.  No more risottos.  No more cheesecake.  No more sugar bombs.  Oh who am I kidding?  I'll still be making that stuff for other people, so there will still be some treats around here.  BUT, you can also expect more healthy, yet still interesting and flavorful recipes.  In the mean time, cheers!

 

Tomatogeddon ((Tomato Sauce)), Good Sides, and Previews

I'm taking another cop-out this evening.  Here's why:

1.  In the past 36 hours I have made 4 loaves of zucchini bread, 4 loaves of banana bread, 2 dozen apple muffins, 2 dozen corn flake muffins, 8 dozen peanut butter cookies, a rum cake, a coffee cake, a casserole, 500 dog treats, 2 pitchers of sangria, half a fruit salad, and made 25 lbs of tomatoes into sauce.  As of this moment, everything is packaged except the sauce which is still simmering on the stove and smells AMAZING.

2.  I did the filming today for the journalism project I was drafted for...  I gave them two rules: make sure the kitchen doesn't look dirty in the shots ((the floors are well, well-used in the kitchen area)) and get my good side assuming I have a good side.  It was definitely fun and I can't wait to see the finished product!  I suspect I was talking too fast in the interview portion though...

3.  I have like 25 people coming over here tomorrow and if you reference Point #1, you can imagine I have some cleaning up to do.  I think I may have to issue an ultimatum:  Do you people want brunch as promised or would you like me to vacuum?  That's what I thought.

4.  Speaking of food, here's tomorrow's menu: green chile breakfast enchiladas, the sun-dried egg bake referenced a couple of weeks ago, Mexican breakfast potatoes, coffee cake, and fruit salad with dip.  I've also restocked the bloody mary bar and have strawberry basil white wine sangria marinating.

Okay.  I really must get the sauce finished so it can cool enough to package prior to midnight.

25 lbs of romas.  And SOMEHOW that reduces to one stock pot.  Tragic.

Bake sale preview

Gotta run.  I will have something with some semblance of sense to add tomorrow.  Maybe.

Really. Don't bother reading this. Stream of consciousness at its best.

No time, nor energy for a real post today, but I will give you the following information in bullet point format that you may or may not find useful:

• When a plumbing disaster breaks out in the kitchen sink in the midst of a bakeathon, just surrender and call the plumber immediately.  Do not wait, do not pass go, just call.
• If the plumber has to snake the drain 3 times and keeps saying, "Wow, this is really plugged" and then does an actual happy dance when the drain finally clears with that weird sucking sound, don't be afraid.  He enjoys his work.  This is a good thing.  
• Be aware that every disaster is also an opportunity:  The plumber's wife is an event planner and he left with a stack of my culinary business cards for her and a loaf of banana bread.  
• If you have heard a nasty rumor that I am "lazy," those people are full of shit.  Today I made 8 loaves of zucchini and banana bread, 4 dozen apple oatmeal muffins, 8 dozen peanut butter cookies, 2 dozen corn flake muffins, and 5 lbs of organic dog treats which is probably over 800 individually cut out treats. I have stalled only because I have gone through 18 eggs and 10 lbs of flour AND the dog treats use a different type of flour.  There were also a series of kitchen dance parties, primarily to Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers.
• The "more supportive" ((read: ugly)) shoes do not appear to be helping.  I finally resorted to moving my super squishy ((and overly expensive)) bath mat into the kitchen.  I need an opportunity to register for gifts so I can request one of those gel standing mat things.
• If you are a moron and set out to make bran muffins and discover you do not in fact have bran, but have already started mixing stuff, corn flakes are a viable, but not preferable, replacement.
• Practicing what you are making for a segment that is being filmed without swearing is not as easy as originally thought.  The cooking part is easy.  The not swearing?  Not so fucking much.  Shit.
• Be careful when you send text messages that it is actually going to the correct recipient or you might find yourself trying to explain yourself and finally giving up and saying, "I have a totally reasonable, rational, and innocent explanation but you aren't going to believe me anyway so I'll just be a client and say, "These aren't my pants and the cops are lying."  ((Said text had nothing to do with either pants or police contact...))
• It will scare the hell out of your family who all have the initials JBS that you have discovered that Julia Beth Steele also fits the profile.  ((My brothers are actually half-brothers and have a different last name.))
•  Writing really disjointed posts is surprisingly liberating.  
• Your mom went to college.

Okay, friends.  I give up for the evening.  I have to hit the ground running tomorrow to do the shopping for the cooking segment, make sure the house and myself are film presentable, figure out what the frack I am going to wear, shop for the Brunch and Trunk Show on Sunday, and oh good Lord, I can't think about it anymore.  

Italian Sausage-Sun-Dried Tomato Egg Bake/Quiche/Frittata/Casserole/Hot Dish/Something or Other

A recipe just in time for Easter Brunch!  Oh wait.  Whoops.  Okay, so I'm a day late and probably more than a dollar short...  however, this is more than timely for your Mother's Day brunch.  You have a whole month to practice, not that you will need it.  ((You know, someday, I will have my shit together enough to actually plan these things out.  Well, maybe.  Unless and until that happens, we are all just going to have to adapt.))

Anyway.  This breakfast/brunch dish is undoubtedly one of the most popular things I make.  I made it for the first time for a brunch party about a year ago and it essentially evaporated into thin air.  When I grabbed the pan to rinse it out, I got yelled at not to so that my lovely friend D could pick at the stuff left on the edges.  It is just that good.  It, however, does not photograph well.  Sorry.  You're just going to have to trust me and about 25 of my friends that I have made it for on various occasions.

I don't really know what to call it.  ((I referred to this previously and still don't have the answer.))  What I call it is Italian Sausage-Sun-Dried Tomato-Spinach Egg Bake.  I don't know that the term "egg bake" is used in any other part of the country than where I am from because I've drawn a lot of strange looks from people when I say it.  I don't think it is a quiche.  It might be a frittata?  A casserole?  A hot dish?  ((It doesn't get any more Midwestern than a hot dish!  What the fuck is a hot dish anyway?  There's no such thing as a "cold dish."  Well, I don't think so anyway.  Maybe there is.))  Semantics aside, this is really good and you should make it.

What you need to serve 6-8:


1 lb. Italian sausage ((you will find this in a tube-like thing by the bacon usually))
4 cups frozen hash-brown potatoes, thawed
4 oz. (1 cup) shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup fresh spinach
1/4 cup sliced marinated sun-dried tomatoes  ((you find these by the condiments, usually by the pickles))
4 oz. (1 cup) shredded mozzarella cheese
4 eggs
3/4 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon Salt
1/8 teaspoon Pepper
2 tablespoons shredded fresh Parmesan cheese

Before we move on, let me say that I ALWAYS double this.  Occasionally, I double it and put it into one large glass baking dish to make one monster one or you can make two smaller ones.  Up to you.

What to do:

Preheat the oven to 350.  Spray a glass baking dish with cooking spray.  ((You can use whatever size dish you want.  I say go big or go out to brunch.))

Brown the sausage in a large pan on the stove over medium-high heat.  You are going to want to continually keep crumbling it so it is in small pieces.  Uncooked sausage is disgusting.  Sorry.  I occasionally have used turkey sausage which makes this lower in fat and no one has ever known the difference.  Brown it until it is ... well... BROWN.  Meaning get the pink out of it.  Take it off the heat and drain off the excess fat.  ((Don't put grease/fat down your disposal or sink.  Trust me, the Queen of Kitchen Sink Problems on this.  Put it into an empty margarine container or something like that and then throw it away.  Your pipes can't take it.))

Mix together in a medium bowl the thawed hash browns and the cheddar cheese.  Take HALF of that and put it in the bottom of the baking dish.  Layer the cooked sausage on top of that.  ((All of it.))  Then layer on your sliced up sun-dried tomatoes and your torn-up spinach ((you could use frozen spinach that has been thawed but for the love of God, just use the fresh stuff-- just wash it well.  Spinach tends to be dirty.))  Regarding the tomatoes, these come packed in oil.  Drain them and then put them on a paper towel and blot them to get the excess oil off.  Then put the rest of the potato and cheddar on top of that.  The final layer at this stage is all the mozzarella cheese.  I'm not going to judge you if you use more than a cup.

((At this point you should probably say, "Excuse me, Jules, but this "egg bake" has a disturbing lack of eggs." Under your breath you will probably say,  "This idiot should call it a cheese bake.  Potato bake.  Not-enough-eggs bake."  Yeah, well, hold on, we are getting there, smart-ass.))  In a small bowl whisk together the eggs, milk and salt and pepper.  It is not going to look like very much, it's okay.  Pour that over your layered concoction and try to do it evenly.  Cover with foil and bake for an hour.

After an hour, uncover and spread on the Parmesan.  I actually laughed when I saw it said two tablespoons.  I usually use a handful.  Put it back in the oven and bake it UNcovered for another 15 minutes or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean and the edges are brown and bubbly.  ((Keep in mind that if you doubled it in one pan it is going to take longer, but NOT double the time.  You just need to check it every 5 minutes if you double it.))  Let stand for 5 or so minutes before cutting and serving.  It would be pretty if you put some parsley on top, but let's face it, at this point you're starving.

You can also make this the night before, refrigerate it, and then bake it the following morning...  This keeps amazingly well and is definitely better the second day.

*****

Let me say one thing about measurements with this kind of thing.  It really doesn't effing matter.  Use more cheese.  Use less.  Leave out the sausage.  Add more tomatoes.  Double the spinach.  Do whatever you feel like.  If you screw up and don't put the layers on in the listed order, who cares?  ((I did that...  I forgot to add the sausage and then put it on top of the second hash brown and cheese layer.))  It just doesn't matter.  Quit trying to be so damn perfect and just try something.  <---Might apply to the rest of your life outside the kitchen too.   #Endgrouptherapy.

Mango-Banana Bread, Campaigning, and Artistry

Last night's fundraiser was a big success...  It was held at my dear friend Amery's art gallery and was made extra-entertaining because a number of the people who attended all worked on a painting together under Amery's guidance and then everyone then signed the back.  ((This is the point at which I got covered in paint.))  It will be a great reminder to the candidate of all the support of his wacky friends he has received.  The painting actually turned out really well ((thanks to Ames' instruction and perhaps a little of her fixing...))

Teaching is made easier with wine...

Lord, help this woman trying to paint!

*****

Today I catered a Bachelorette Hangover Brunch.  Well, that's what I'm calling it!  Their menu was sun-dried tomato egg bake, spinach-strawberry-almond salad, fruit salad, coffee cake, and mango banana bread.  This was a little extra challenge because at least one of the attendees was vegan.  In googling and googling and googling, it was hard to come up with many vegan recipes, particularly for a brunch.  Well, let me restate that:  It was hard coming up with something that I could predict how it would turn out because a lot of the ingredients were not things I had used before.  I need to expand my horizons.  However, my friend Angie had made this recipe and gave it a huge thumbs up, so I went with it.

Very Vegan Mango Banana Bread

Original recipe from "Joy the Baker."

What you need for one 9x5 loaf:

3 medium or 2 large ripe bananas
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 ripe mango, sliced into chunks
granulated sugar for topping

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease and flour a 9 x 5-inch loaf pan.

In a large mixing bowl, mash the bananas well by smashing them with the back of a wooden spoon. Add the sugar, oil, and vanilla extract, and whisk the hell out of it.
Sift in the flour, baking soda, spices, and salt. ((I can hear you... WTF is "sifting?!"  Read this.))  Then use your wooden spoon to mix just until the wet and dry ingredients are combined.  You don't need to over-do this.  Then throw in the mango chunks and "fold" them in ((just move some of the batter around the mango.))

Put the batter in your loaf pan and sprinkle with extra sugar on top if you’d like.

Bake for 45 to 50 minutes. The top should be lightly browned and a knife inserted
through the center should come out clean, or with just a few crumbs.

Remove from the oven and let cool for 20 minutes before transferring out of a pan and
onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Banana bread will last, wrapped at room temperature, for up to 5 days.  I prefer to keep it in the refrigerator and then nuke it ((my term for microwaving)) for 30 seconds prior to eating.

Good and good for you!

As promised, here's a pic of the cinnamon-swirl coffee cake discussed here.

Coffee-less Coffee Cake

*****

Here are a few more pictures from last night.

 I just did a very simple cheese array with lots of beer and wine:

I set it up in front of her current major piece which you should totally buy:

Here are a couple of pictures with a few of my friends who attended because apparently I like posting pictures of myself.

*****

So there you have it.  Happy Easter weekend...  I'm off to work out the details for a dinner I'm making tomorrow.  They want a Mexican Seafood Feast.  I'm all over that request!  Yum.

Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake, Something Clever, and Something Clever

Last night I was so exhausted that I went into the bedroom to change clothes and landed face-down, fully-dressed, in four-inch heels, on the bed and passed out.  At 7 pm.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.    It's probably a good thing given that I got up at 4 am to start prepping for tonight's fundraiser and tomorrow's brunch.

Speaking of brunch, this would be excellent for an Easter Morning treat:

I resisted the urge to add a campy pun up there.  You're welcome.

What you need:

1 cup sour cream
3/4 cup butter, softened to room temp
1 1/2 cups white sugar
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup chopped walnuts ((optional))
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 eggs
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1/4 cup white sugar

What to do:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Lightly grease and flour a 10-inch bundt pan.  Don't have a bundt pan?  You're screwed.  Sorry.  I would guess that you could use an angel-food cake pan, but seriously, get yourself a bundt pan.  I know someone who can hook you up with a good one if need be.

In your mixer, cream 1 1/2 cups white sugar together with the eggs until well blended.  Then add the sour cream and softened butter ((or margarine)) and beat well.  Add flour, baking soda, and baking powder and mix well. Stir in vanilla and the chopped nuts if you are using them.  ((Want to know my favorite way to chop nuts?  Put them in a baggie and jump on them.  Yep.  Classy, all the way.))

In a separate bowl, mix the remaining 1/4 cup of white sugar with the cinnamon.

Pour half of the batter into the prepared pan. Sprinkle the cinnamon sugar mixture all over it. Cover with the remaining cake batter.

Bake at 400 degrees for 8 minutes. Lower heat to 350 degrees and bake for an additional 40 minutes.  Because I have been asked this before, no, you don't take it out of the oven until the heat reduces.  And no, you don't leave the door open to help it cool down.  It's part of the process.  Go with it.

Let it cool for about 10 minutes in the pan and then flip it over and let it finish cooling on a rack.

I'll try to grab a photo of the inside tomorrow when I slice it.  I might forget.  Picture swirls of cinnamon sugar going through the middle.  Yum.

This recipe has been in my email folder for a few years.  I have no idea where I may have originally gotten it.  Bad Jules.

*****

Okay, I gotta run.  It's almost 2:30 and I have yet to have lunch.  Yikes.  I'll be back tomorrow with one of my favorite brunch items...  Sun-dried tomato, Italian sausage, and spinach egg bake.  ((It's called 'egg bake' where I'm from.  I'm not sure what y'all call it in other parts of the country.  I should figure that out.))

1,000 Treats, Five Alarms, and The Threat of Salsa

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

Today has been INSANE!  As I mentioned yesterday, last night I was cooking for a party for about 15.  Everything went really well with the food, but during the course of the evening, one woman mentioned that an organization she is affiliated with was doing gift bags for about 100 people on Monday and did I want to donate my organic dog treats and could I do it in about 18 hours?  Well, of course, I do!  I rallied the troops, went to the supermarket when it opened, and we cranked out just under a thousand dog treats in about six hours.  My own dogs have greatly enjoyed cleaning up the floor and I'm out to deliver them in a few minutes.  While this certainly isn't the most intellectual thing I've ever done, I have to admit, it is really, really fun.  AND you feel like you really accomplished something when it is finished.

We might have had a couple of these to keep the assembly line flowing smoothly.

*****

Tonight, post-St Patrick's Day dinner and the delivery, I'll be working on finalizing an application we are submitting to The Food Network!  While I realize this is a long shot, just working on it and dreaming about it is so, so good for what ails me.  We do have a team tag-line:  We are five-alarm badasses.  Five.  

*****

Okay, tomorrow we will do some recipe-ing.  There is salsa in our future.

Birthday Vanilla French Toast and the Preface of the Manifesto

This.  This is what a birthday breakfast should look like...

Vanilla and cinnamon French toast with REAL butter, powdered sugar, and warm maple syrup.  Yes, please.  It was delicious.  Thanks for asking.

Indeed, it is my birthday.  ((No, I'm not admitting how old I am.))  It has been a great day thus far with a gzillion well-wishes from family and friends.  ((The most genuine and poetic probably being, "I love you a shit-load.))  The plans include lunch with Deb where calories don't count and drinks tonight with 25 or so of my favoritest people.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately ((no, I am not having a mid-life crisis, I'm too young for that...))  On a daily basis almost, I hear people saying how much they despise this, that, or the other thing.  How much they resent the list of crap they have to do.  You can just see how beaten down they are.  The thing that keeps going in my head is that all that bullshit that fills up your to-do list and your calendar-- those appointments to keep, people to meet, promises to follow-through on?  Those things are your life.  Not just the fun stuff.  It is the day-to-day minutiae that makes up 98% ((or quite possibly more)) of your life and you had better make damn sure that those things are the things and the people that you care about, that make you happy ((or at the very least not fracking miserable,)) and that make you someone worth knowing.

Consequently, as has been hinted at somewhat in these virtual pages, I am taking that challenge head on this year.  I've thought long and hard about what it is that I actually do that makes me feel more like me.  What it is that I look forward to the most.  What I would do if I had the time.  What I would do if I weren't too chicken-shit to try.  What I would and could do and possibly fail at like a goddamn champion.  Enough thinking.  I'm doing it.  And it starts right now. 

I'm not saying it is going to be easy.  But I know it will be worth it.

Busted But Not Busted Banana Bread

BLONDE MOMENT ALERT!  Yesterday, I had grand plans to give away of a couple of loaves of banana bread.  You see, I have this thing where I totally, entirely, and completely hate to waste food ((the therapist that I don't have will address that issue later)), add in that I love to bake stuff/make stuff, but I don't really eat any of it, and you have yourself a prime opportunity to score some homemade stuff off of me.  But...  I had a total space-out.  I don't really know what I was thinking or not thinking, but I forgot to add the sugar.  Oops.

So like any normal, totally odd person, I decided to announce my idiocy and my inability to give up on something on Facebook.  What resulted was about ten different ideas for how to resuscitate it.  And you know?  Some of those ideas are winners.  But let's start at the beginning.

What you need:

3-4 black bananas ((mashed))
1/3 cup of melted butter
1 cup of sugar ((AHEM))
1 egg, beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon baking soda
pinch of salt
1 and 1/2 cups of flour

What you do:

Two or three weeks prior, maybe less, buy some bananas and then totally neglect them on the counter top.  They should look about like this:

 
Looks terrible right?  Nah, perfect.  Here's the thing though.  These are bananas that I get from the co-op where they are not gassed.  Apparently grocery stores and/or their suppliers ((I don't know which)) "gas" the bananas so that they look all nice and pretty and yellow.  Non-gassed bananas don't get quite that same color.  They go from looking green to brown and beat-up pretty quickly.  The insides of these were actually still basically intact.

Peel them and mash them up.  You can use a potato masher or the back of a spoon.  Whichever.  Mix the melted butter into them.  Now add the sugar, egg, and vanilla and combine.  Sprinkle the baking soda and the salt over the top of that mixture and fold it in.  ((Fold is a fancy way of saying take the stuff from the bottom of the bowl and put it on the top, repeatedly.))  Add the 1 1/2 cups of flour and stir.

Pour the batter into a greased loaf pan and bake at 350 for about an hour.  A toothpick inserted in the middle should come out clean when it is done.

It will look like this if you forgot the sugar:

This is the point where I started thinking, "Huh.  That's weird.  It looks like regular bread.  Oh well."

Had I not thought about it, I never would have realized my omission.  When I cut off an end to see just how bad it was, it actually tasted *basically* normal.  I could have given it to someone and they never would have known the difference.  That said, those bananas were quite sweet given how ripe they were.  However, we came up with a number of options for how to salvage it.

1.  Sprinkle it with splenda.  I tried a bite that way.  Damn good.
2.  Dump some maple syrup on it.  Also good.
3.  Add honey to it.  Super good.
4.  Drizzle a little agave on it.  Good.
5.  Add honey butter.  The goodest.  ((Yes, it's a word.))

At this point, I was over the whole experimenting process, but my lovely and talented fb friends also came up with the following ideas:  use it for French toast, make a base for bread pudding, smash it into ice cream, add chocolate or caramel sauce, cut it up into cubes and layer it in a trifle with fruit and honeyed whipped cream, top it with yogurt and fruit, or my personal favorite, smear it with frosting because why the hell not?

So there you have somebody's recipe for banana bread that has been in an email folder entitled "Recipes" since sometime in the late 90's which I sent to myself, so I no longer have any idea where it came from.

May you have better luck in actually adding everything that is called for.  Or maybe not.  Screwing something up and then working it out is a lot of the fun of cooking.  I think I'll mess things up more often.    

Distraction, IGE's Brown Butter Banana Bread Brunch Cookies, and an Update

After waking up at 4 am ((again, uh,)) I took to the internet and started going through various food blogs that I follow.  Iowa Girl Eats had posted a recipe for brown butter banana bread cookies.  They are basically like the old Seinfeld "muffin tops" ala Elaine before "muffin top" took on a new meaning.  So think of the good part of a muffin, not the "you're falling out of those skinny jeans that you shouldn't be wearing anyway" variety.

I whipped up a batch this morning because I needed distraction from the inside of my head and they are so, so good.  Even better once they were drizzled with the brown butter powdered sugar frosting.  Wanna see?  I thought so.

Banana Bread Cookies with Brown Butter

I think the best part though was when I decided to go all "Jackson Pollack" on the frosting and just make a mess with it.  Kitchens are meant to get messed up.  It's part of the fun of it.

((I might have figured out how to post the link to the recipe.  Sorry if this doesn't work, I'm still figuring a few things out...   http://iowagirleats.com/2012/02/19/brown-butter-banana-bread-cookies/  ))

I then promptly posted on Cooking Is Alchemy's Facebook page that I would give them to whoever replied first in the Valley.  While I love experimenting and trying new things that might be good for future events, I am NOT to be left alone with two dozen cookies.  I frequently make things, have one or two bites, and give them away.  You call it bribing people to be my friend; I call it a perk of putting up with my other nonsense.

*****

In other news, I have spent the morning researching my other new ventures, vacillating between excitement and frustration.  I am *this close* to embarking on another new endeavor.  I'm just waiting on an email back.  What can I say?  When I shake things up, I shake things all the fracking way up.

*****

In other, other, news, my little corner of the web here has over 500 hits in the past two days!  You can follow via Google Reader ((that's what I use...  it feeds new posts from all the sites you follow into one place,)) use Google Friend Connect, or subscribe via email ((there's a link at the top right of this page.))  C'mon over and "like" the new Facebook page by the same name too.  I'm also on Pinterest under "Julia Steele" if you want to hang out there.