Absenteeism

Yes, I know I've been a bad recipe poster this week...  I've been exceptionally busy with other things ((some of which have been damn entertaining such as collecting horror stories from my friends about their online dating experiences for an upcoming article.  Let's just say if the girl has NO HANDS that's fine, but I think that might come up prior to meeting.))  Anyway, I am finding myself falling into that scene where I end up having Cheerios for dinner.  I will spare you the recipe for Cheerios straight from the box. I'm thinking you have got that one down.

Let's see... what else? I was recently inducted into the FitBlogging community which is for people who write about nutrition and fitness.  Yes, it is kind of ironic given that I have had to break up with CrossFit since the injury.  Speaking of, I'm 90% sure I have anterior compartment syndrome again.  ((ACS is a chronic condition where the sheathes which line the muscular structure itself become inflamed and won't yield to the changes in muscle size/shape.  It's marked by extreme pain, fatigue, and inability to tolerate standing for even short periods.))  Last time I had this it was due to multiple stress fractures... Now I'm wondering if that's what happened again and I didn't notice the fracture.  The good and the bad news is there is no treatment for it but time basically-- That's good because I have a humongous deductible and the testing alone would be a few grand, so screw it.

Headed out of the heat for the weekend...  We are staying in an old mining town that has turned into an artists' enclave.  It's haunted.  I find that awesome.  I shall report back.

Happy weekend!    

Turkey Po-Tacos, Turkey Tac-atoes, or Oh Lord Someone Else Name Something for Me

So about a thousand years ago, I came up with the idea to put taco meat and toppings on a baked potato  ((this certainly is not an original idea, I am well aware)) and we spent an unreasonable amount of time debating what they should be called with a fervor which should really be reserved for matters of national security.  I was adamantly lobbying for po-tacos.  <<Redacted>> was just as strongly committed to tac-atoes which he later modified to tac-aters.  Ridiculous argument that always lasted way after the meal was gone aside, but has remained memorable for at least seven or so years, these are quite good and good for you.

Not the most photogenic

What you need for 2:

2 large baking potatoes
1/2 lb of ground turkey burger
1 packet of taco seasoning
1/2 c of shredded Mexican cheese
Shredded lettuce
1/2 c of salsa
2 dollops of sour cream

Go:

Start by scrubbing the potatoes and then stabbing them with a fork a few times.  Set aside.

Brown the ground turkey until all of the pink is gone.  Add the taco seasoning packet and the water as directed on the packet.  RIGHT NOW, put the potatoes in the microwave and hit the "potato" button.  If you don't have a "potato" button, well, you are on your own.  Good luck.  Once the turkey and sauce come to a fast simmer, reduce the heat to low, cover, and let simmer until the potatoes are done.

When the potatoes are finished, remove them to a plate, slice them open, and smash them a little.  Top with the lettuce, turkey, Mexican cheese, salsa, and a little sour cream.

Potacos

Nutritional Info:   If you are using a large potato and go easy on the cheese and sour cream, let's call it 350 calories and 6 grams of fat.

*****

Let's see.... What else?  Submitted updated menus to a bed and breakfast this morning...  Working on another writing project...  Inhaling the LaPorte eBook like it is the air I breathe...  Worked a little bit on some blog redesign around here...  I *almost* know what I'm doing at this point!  Not really...  But now if you want to share a post on FB, Twitter, or Google Plus ((cuz EVERYONE uses GPlus)), there should be buttons below each post to do so.  I appreciate it when you do!  You even get a gold star in my Book of People That Don't Suck.

Panasonic Stainless Steel Countertop Microwave Oven - NNSD797S
GE Profile Spacemaker II Stainless Steel Microwave Oven - PEM31SMSS
Cuisinart Stainless Steel Countertop Microwave - CMW-100

Roasted Cherry Tomatoes with Balsamic and Basil, The Best Surprise EVER, and 6,000

I have been blatantly manipulated and lied to.  For months.  By my mother. ((Referred to around this place as Deb.))  And today I got the shock of a lifetime.  This:

That would be her grand piano that was forced to be abandoned in South Dakota a few years ago when she moved to Arizona.  The crazy broad ((HI DEB)) secretly had it shipped here over the past few months.  It apparently took quite the journey: South Dakota, Oregon, Washington, KENTUCKY (WTF?), and then finally Arizona.  I have to say I first screamed obscenities, then almost fainted, then had to get confirmation that was actually it, and then resisted the urge to burst into tears.  Apparently, half my family knew about it too and has shockingly been able to keep it quiet.  CRAZY.  They were also placing wagers on what my reaction would be...  I suspect my brother is probably the closest.

*****  

Want to see something else pretty?  Roasted cherry tomatoes with balsamic and fresh basil.

What you need:  ((Warning: very precise measurements ahead.  Write this down.))

1 big bunch of cherry tomatoes
1 sizeable drizzle of olive oil
1 sizeable drizzle of balsamic vinegar
A few cracks of pepper
A few cracks of sea salt
A handful or two of fresh basil

This couldn't be easier:

Preheat the oven to 400.

Spread the tomatoes out on a cookie sheet, and how about you use one that has sides on it?  Drizzle them with olive oil and balsamic and give them a roll around.  Crack on some salt and pepper.

Roast for about 15 minutes.

When done, add the basil.

THAT'S IT.

This is good warm, at room temp, or refrigerated.  

*****

Additional Business:  Someone remarked to me over the weekend that she has a hard time remembering to click on over to this wealth of knowledge...  You can subscribe via email ((there is a button to do that in the upper corner)) and new posts will be delivered to your inbox.  Do it.  Right now.  You wouldn't want to miss a bit of what is coming up...

Oh and did you know?  I'm sure you didn't...  In under 4 months, I have had 6,000 UNIQUE page views.  That's some effing crazy talk right there.  Hell, imagine if I actually got organized!  Until next time!

Spinach and Mushroom Lasagna with White Sauce, Storage Wars, and a Float

Did you miss me?  ((I didn't think so...))  It has been a busy couple of days cooking for a wedding reception Saturday night.  The menu included Caprese Salad Skewers, Tomato Bruschetta, Pesto/Pine Nut/Parmesan Bruschetta, Italian Salad with Genoa Salami, Baked Penne with Italian Sausage in an Arrabiata Sauce, Vegetarian Lasagna, Roasted Veggies, and a Fruit Salad with a very light honey drizzle.  I learned a very important lesson about cooking in other people's homes this weekend:  Prior to pre-heating the oven, look inside it.  The home owner had stored 3 plastic cutting boards in the oven.  Luckily, I was looking for a cutting board shortly after turning the oven on, but holy shit, that could have been a total disaster.

Let's make a lasagna without melted plastic on the bottom of the oven...  Recipe adapted from allrecipes.com.

Picture via It Started with Yum...

What you need for 9 pieces:


1 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach
2 16-oz jars Alfredo-style pasta sauce ((I make my own, but none of y'all are probably going to do that))
1/2 cup skim milk
1 (8 ounce) package lasagna noodles ((Wild guess... you aren't going to make your own pasta noodles either so I'll omit that))
1 pint part-skim ricotta cheese
1 egg
8 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced  ((I used baby portobellos))
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Okay:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees after looking in it to be sure it isn't being used as a book shelf or a shoe rack.

Spray a large glass pan thoroughly with cooking spray, being sure to get up the sides too.

Take your frozen spinach ((I use Trader Joe's organic)) and place it in a bowl.  Microwave it for 4 minutes on high.  Add the ricotta to the bowl and mix it with the spinach.  Lightly beat the egg and then add it to the spinach/ricotta.

In a separate bowl, combine the pasta sauce with the milk.  ((I have had Trader Joe's Alfredo Sauce in other things and it is pretty good...  I'm not really a cream sauce fan, so if you know of something better, leave the suggestion in the comments.))

Start layering.  From the BOTTOM ((what you put in first)) going UP ((last)):
1.  Enough sauce to cover the bottom of the dish
2.  3 uncooked lasagna noodles
3.  Half of the spinach/ricotta mixture
4.  Half of the chopped mushrooms
5.  3 more lasagna noodles
6.  About a cup and a half of the sauce
7.  The rest of the spinach
8.  The rest of the mushrooms
9.  3 more noodles
10.  The rest of the sauce
11.  The mozzarella ((if you use more than 1/2 a cup as called for, I won't feel bad))

Bake at 350 for about 60 minutes COVERED.  Turn off the oven, uncover, spoon some of the sauce that has accumulated around the edges over the top, and allow to continue baking with the oven off for another 15 minutes.  You can add little Parmesan on top at this point if you are feeling sporty.

Nutritional Info:  Um.  Well.  It's bad.  500 calories per piece if you slice it into 9 pieces and about 35 grams of fat.

This comes together fast if you use the pre-made ingredients.  I would say ten minutes to get it in the oven and 4 of that is nuking the spinach.  I made two huge pans of this yesterday and it evaporated into thin air.  I suspect it would reheat well too.

*****

Lots to do today...  I need to go pick up the rest of the stuff from the reception, do something about the state of my own kitchen, finish the research for another article, and then hopefully do some sweet, sweet nothing.  A float in the pool may be just what the doctor ordered.

This Isn't a Real Post

Well, I suppose technically it is, but it probably isn't going to say anything of value so feel free to move on if you aren't in the mood for my stream of consciousness musings...  I know.  Let's make a list.  Lists are fun.

So what's new?

• I'm doing a wedding reception for approximately 50 on Saturday evening.  It is being served outside and I'm praying it isn't a hundred million degrees.  I need to finish the shopping lists and get that accomplished tomorrow because Friday and Saturday we will be cooking All Day Long.  Thank God I have help for this one. 
• I got my first real paycheck from one of the freelance writing gigs I've been doing.  I might have screamed, "HOW FUN IS THAT?" when I got the PayPal alert.  I still can't get over the the fact that someone will pay me actual money to spew my nonsense.  That's ridiculous.
• On a related note, apparently I am very good at something called "Sentence Spinning" which is totally ironic because until three days ago I had never even heard of it.  In fact, they want me to write a piece on how to do it for the other contributors.   
• I'm supposed to be writing an article right now ((like literally right now)) on financial planning and consulting which is pretty hilarious.  I don't think the advice should be "keep cash in a safety deposit box and forget you have said box for three years until you go to close it."  I don't think this will be my best or most informative work.   
• I think I just accidentally had salt and vinegar chips for dinner. 
• I have clicked through the photos of Bethenny's 5 million dollar apartment in NYC about a thousand and seventy-two times.  I think I have found my version of pornography: home decor in general and closets/dressing suites in particular.  Holy shit.  
• Oh and I'm working on a book proposal...   

I told you this was useless reading.  Oh well.  Time to get back at it.  It's going to be a late night...

Cauliflower Mashed "Potatoes", Immersion Blenders, and Apropos of Nothing

Some days just call for mashed potatoes.  However, most days do not call for the calorie bomb that is mashed potatoes.  I had come across bloggers talking about using cauliflower as a substitute and was, frankly, really damn skeptical.  However.  However, however, however. This works.  I almost think you could fake someone out entirely with this recipe.

Mock Mashed Taters, Real Butter

I started with The Food Network's recipe for "Mock Garlic Mashed Potatoes" but then decided to make some modifications. 

What you need to serve 4-6:

1 medium-sized head of cauliflower, washed and cut into chunks

1 tablespoon cream cheese

1 teaspoon of minced garlic

1/4 cup of shredded Parmesan cheese

Salt and Pepper

1 tablespoon of butter

What to do:

In a large stock pot, boil the cauliflower, in pieces, for 6 minutes.  Remove to a strainer and drain as best as you can. ((TFN says you actually "dry" it by like wiping it down or something, but then says to add back in some broth.  Cut out the middle-man.  Don't dry it.  Eff that.))

Put the cauliflower into a large bowl and add the cream cheese, garlic, and parmesan.  Using an immersion blender* ((or a food processor if you don't have an immersion blender)), whip it together thoroughly until it is a creamy consistency.  Add salt and pepper to taste and then top with a pat of butter.  Maybe two.

*Immersion blenders are cool.  You should have one.  WTF is an immersion blender?  It is a hand-held wand thingy with blending attachments that you can put right into the bowl, pot, or whatever to blend things.  They come in useful for soups, mashed potatoes, fake mashed potatoes, blended drinks, and a bunch of other stuff.  There are pictures at the bottom...

The consistency of this is a LOT like mashed potatoes and honestly, it doesn't taste like cauliflower.  Give it a shot.  Don't tell your husband/kids what you are up to and see if they figure it out.  ((You can always break them in by using more cream cheese or butter.  Butter makes everything better.))  IF you follow the directions above, the entire bowl has only 500 calories.  Leave off the butter and you can save some more.  

***** 

And now, apropos of nothing, here is a picture from my yard.

I have not retouched the color on this or increased the contrast or saturation...  There are about 50 of these puppies blooming right now. 

All right.  I have more writing to do tonight and tomorrow is going to be kind of brutal so we can chat more later.  Happy Short Work Week!

*****

Sauteed Fiddlehead Ferns with Brussel Sprouts, Maryland Drivers, and an Intervention

This is a special guest post from the one and only Jessica!  Jess has a slight cooking and baking addiction, a resume that will stop traffic, and abandoned me for the East Coast this year.  Sigh.  I conned her into telling us about when she created a scene in a Farmers' Market over Fiddlehead Ferns.  Hmmm.  Who does that sound like?  No wonder we are friends!  

***** 

I need help…  I don’t  know if I can be helped…

I’m a foodie.  I’ve been a foodie ever since I can remember.  Growing up I would eat anything and everything; if it was put in front of me, I ate it.  In college, my budget was so strict that I taught myself how to cook and I learned that I love to cook.  However, my passion did not turn into obsession until I met Ms. Cooking is Alchemy (Ms. CiA is my nickname for her, tee hee.)  One day when I was complaining about how expensive fresh fruit and veggies are in the grocery she introduced me to Bountiful Baskets and hence an obsession was born.

In January 2012, on a whim, I moved to Maryland (who moves 2,500 miles away on a whim?  I do, that’s who).  January in Maryland is so grey, bland, and blah.  Not only was I missing my friends and family but I was missing Bountiful Baskets and Fresh & Easy.  In a fit of desperation, I searched for farmers' markets.  I thought that farmers' markets would not be open because it’s January, but I was wrong!  

That was when I was introduced to the 32^nd Street Farmers Market in the Waverly neighborhood in Baltimore and all my sensibilities disappeared.  Every other Saturday I go South on I-95 to Baltimore (by the way, I have come to the conclusion that Marylanders really don’t know how to drive.  There is a major car accident on I-95 every week and when I say major, I mean *cars flipped over and on fire* major.  Every – Single - Week. But I digress, Ms. CiA and I tend to do that.  You should be in the same room with us when we are having a conversation…I don’t think a story’s ever been finished) and the 32^nd Street Farmers' Market armed with cash, my reusable bags, a list, and my mantra “only buy what’s on the list.”  The list, the damn list never does its job; the damn list is never good enough.  As soon as I step within the border of the farmers' market, I turn into Head Monster Gatherer and I go crazy! Strawberries! Tomatoes! Grapes! Rhubarb! It’s all there and I can’t help myself.  I get into a zone that I can’t control and I have to visit every last booth!  Today I bought a bunch of celery. CELERY!  I don’t even like Celery and, to make matters worse, I don’t remember buying it!  IT’S NOT EVEN SOUP SEASON!  I told you, I need help…

Fiddlehead Ferns.  See? Aren't these so cute?  Looks like something Fern Gully would eat!

With my cash dwindling, I remembered that I had to buy almonds.  As I stepped away from the main part of the farmers' market, I ran into a tiny booth specializing in fungi.  My curiosity snapped me out of my gatherer zone and I stood there and spoke with the woman about the different mushrooms she had.  That’s when my eye caught the box of Fiddlehead Ferns and excitedly remarked- ok yelled- “THOSE ARE FIDDLEHEAD FERNS!”  The woman laughed and small group gathered to see what I was so excited about.  Fiddlehead Ferns are very rare, found in the wild in Vermont, and have a very short season (3 weeks in May!)  Awhile ago, I was introduced to Fiddlehead Ferns on Pinterest and I repinned never really believing that I would ever come across Fiddlehead Ferns.  Since they look so intriguing, I couldn’t walk away without them, so I bought some ($5 for 1 oz!).  I naturally posted my excitement of finding Fiddlehead Ferns on Facebook (haha “finding Fiddlehead Ferns on Facebook” say that five times fast!) and Ms. CiA asked me to write a guest post.  So, here you go.  My first guest post ever! Since I only bought one ounce, I’ve decided to sauté them with the two handfuls of Brussel Sprouts I grabbed as well.

Don't turn your nose up!  Brussel Sprouts are good and good for you!

Sauteed Fiddle Ferns and Brussel Sprouts

(I don’t use measurements so these measurements are approximate and I do all my cooking by “instinct” so times are approximate as well)

1 oz Fiddle Ferns

2 handfuls of Brussel Sprouts

2 Garlic Cloves, minced (I love garlic so I add more)

1 small onion, chopped

Olive oil – about 2 circles around the pan

½ cup of water

Salt and Pepper

Half a lemon (use the other half for a brown sugar whisky sour!)

1.      First, you need to clean the Fiddlehead Ferns under warm water and snip off any black spots.  Be sure to handle them with care as they are a bit tender.  Clean the Brussel Sprouts and cut off the bottoms.

2.     Put the Fiddlehead Ferns and Brussel Sprouts with ½ cup water in a sautee pan fitted with a lid.  Cover and steam over medium heat until slightly soft.  Feel free to shake the pan every so often (not too hard, remember, the ferns are tender.)  Steam for about 5 minutes.

3.     Remove from sauté pan and drain sauté pan of the water.

4.     Put sauté pan back on the heat and add extra virgin olive oil.  Once the olive oil is hot (not smoking) add your garlic and onions (don’t forget to stand there and smell the blissful scent of garlic sautéing in olive oil.) 

5.     Once the garlic and onions are soft, add the Brussel Sprouts. Sauté Brussel Sprouts until you can pierce with a fork (I like my Brussel Sprouts super soft so I sautéed these for a good ten minutes, at least.)

6.     Add the Fiddlehead Ferns and stir with Brussel Sprouts.

7.     Once the Fiddlehead Ferns and Brussel Sprouts are done, squeeze in lemon juice from the half a lemon, take off heat and stir up.

8.     Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste.

9.     Serve and enjoy!

The Puerto Rican Papi, one of the pickiest eaters I know, said that they tasted like sautéed spinach and he actually liked them!  I enjoyed them as well, they are crispy and bright.  They are pretty filling with the Brussel Sprouts and I will definitely make them again next May!

Mmmmmm, yummy!

*****

Jules here...  Thanks Jess!  Those look super good but frankly I think you should have delivered a sample to Arizona.  Oh well, next time.  

Side note:  If anyone makes anything fun or different or creates any scenes in any markets, we all want to hear about it!  Either leave a comment or email me at juliasteele12@gmail.com and I will get back to you!